


This isn't Love

by Shinigamibutter



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Bottom Jinjin, Bottom Mj, Feelings, Fluff and Smut, Junk, Kinky, M/M, Masturbation, Photo hoarding, Romance, Top Jinjin, Top Mj, cross dressing, friendships?, myungjin, this got really out of hand on all fronts, this got really really out of hand on the fluffy side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-01 05:25:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 57
Words: 63,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinigamibutter/pseuds/Shinigamibutter
Summary: Mj knew this wasn't okay. It wasn't anywhere near what friends were supposed to do. But he can't stop.A work in progress, completed. Read notes.





	1. How did we get here?

**Author's Note:**

> This is junk. Basically it's my running de~stress for between chapters. And smut practice. By running piece I mean I'll add to it whenever.
> 
> I've split this into chapters for everyone's peace of mind. Including my own. Chapter titles don't mean anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan to post this...but it's easier to work from here than tumblr on my phone(even though it leads to more typos). Your author is lazy, and chatty. I find writing this with no pressure relaxing, there was a loose plot. I won't be sticking to a writing style or voice though. Just whatevering.
> 
> That said you like it. Cool. You don't. Cool. Just don't be a dick.

Mj wants it bad. He knows that’s what this means. But he can’t stop. Pulling a photo from inside his pillow case he didn’t care which one. Any of them would work just as well. Glancing at the photo he grabbed the small packet of tissues he kept for runny noses. Well that’s what he’d told Sanha they were for when he asked.

It wasn’t often he got the time to do this. Settling his pillow nest so his back was to the door he looked at the picture more fully. It was one of his favorites, but he’d only admit it under pains of torture. The hot poker kind of torture not tickle torture. 

After all it was a fan taken photo of their leader. Not just any photo of Jinjin either. It was from one of their in drag performances. In the picture Jinjin was wearing a long brunette wig, a pink and white shirt, with a matching skirt riding up his tanned thigh. Mj could only lick his lips, his eyes following the curve of the body, posed in a provocative way. He was sure many fangirls had gone crazy over this one, as well as fanboys. 

He himself was willing to admit the first time he had seen Jinjin in drag it had brought out feelings he never thought he’d have for another boy. And here he was now. He pushed those guilty thoughts aside though settling back into his pillow nest, picture nestled in a good position where he didn’t have to hold it to see it. 

Eyes settling on plump lips he allowed his fingers to drift down his chest, picturing they were Jinjin’s. His thoughts clouded over, mind in overdrive as he thought of the way the brunette wig would tickle his thighs in this position as the other would lean over him. Soft fingers trailing over his heated skin, head going lower and lower. Lips soft and tender against his bare skin. He could almost feel the wig tickling his stomach as he thought of the way teeth would settle into his flesh, marking him. 

He knew his breathing was already ragged, he knew it was because he never got the time to unwind like this. He paid it no mind as he let out a hiss, palm landing against his growing bulge. Images of  Jinjin’s soft lips pressing against it running through his mind. He rubbed it softly hearing Jinjin's voice in his head telling him how he couldn't wait. His hand pulled away at that thought as he shifted to remove his boxers.

He took an extra second to make sure no one was home, they shouldn't be they were scheduled to be somewhere. Except Jinjin who was at a meeting. When he felt the coast was clear, hearing nothing but the sounds of his ragged breathing he looked back to the picture. 

He let his eyes settle on Jinjin's lips once more his hand taking hold of his erect shaft. He couldn't stop the hiss the contact elicited from him at the coolness of his own hand against heated flesh. He envisioned it was Jinjin's as he looked up at him licking his lips in anticipation. 

Settling his fingers more securely around himself he yanked softly on the flesh mind going blank from the first touch. Then visions of Jinjin's lips closing around the crown of his cock filled it. He let the thoughts play out as he worked his hand up and down. He didn't hold back the small moans and noises he was making. He could hear them echoing back to him. He could just imagine what his leader's deep voice would sound like moaning around his cock.

His mind began to fill with imaginings of how hot and wet the inside of Jinjin's mouth would be around him. A skilled tongue sliding along the shaft while he sucked, practically feeling it as he worked his hand up and down in long languid strokes. He envisioned the wig's long hairs tickling his bare thighs and the heated look in brown eyes as they looked up at him. 

Mj knew he was close, it had been so long since the last time. Hissing he reached for a tissue as he sped up his pace. Image changing to Jinjin on his knees, skirt teasingly lifted just below his ass which was wiggling invitingly. Mj envisioned himself lifting the skirt to find his leader already prepared. He knew Jinjin's name was falling from his lips as he sped up once more.

The friction of his hand making him think about what it would be like to delve into the engulfing heat of Jinjin's ass. The squeeze of his fingers around his shaft mimicking the squeeze of tight muscles. Thumb working over his crown as his eyes fluttered closed, picturing Jinjin's pleasured face as he thrust into him. The skirt splayed over his leaders lower back as the wig bounced around his lithe frame. 

He imagined the way his own name would fall from Jinjin's plump lips as he thrust harder. He could hear his breath coming faster now and thought of the way their panting would match. He moved his hand faster up and down the other hand reaching to play with his balls. He knew he was on the edge of release. Opening his eyes he stared at the picture of Jinjin as he shot his load into the prepared tissue. Whimpering as his leaders name left his lips.

He leaned back depleted and feeling empty as he sat there. One of his best friend's pictures his source of pleasure. He hadn't meant for things to turn out this way. Deciding to dwell later he cleaned himself up and put everything away. The picture of Jinjin going back into his pillowcase with the others. 

The guilt settled in his stomach as he climbed down the ladder from his bed. He loved his leader, but he wasn't sure this wasn't lust. He had felt different after seeing the other dressed as a girl. Not before. After having seen him in a skirt everything just seemed different. More sexual. 

Hearing the door open he knew it had to be Jinjin so he tucked his thoughts away to greet him. He was glad he'd already gotten off though when he looked at the other seeing how delectable he looked. Some days it was hard pretending he didn't want to fuck Jinjin into a wall. Today was one of them as he hadn't heard a word the shorter had said too focused on lips.

Shaking his lusty thoughts free he refocused on the conversation at hand. Luckily when not pressed Jinjin tended to ramble. So catching up on the point was easy. Which was that he wanted to go to lunch. Just the two of them, and he may or may not want to get smashed for once. Of course Mj knew the last part wouldn't happen. Jinjin was too responsible for that. At most he'd have a beer or soju and stop like he always did. Just enough to relax and freely vent. 

Nodding along Mj followed him to the bedroom so they could change. He resisted the urge to watch the other undress as he dug out clothes from the dresser for a quick shower. Jinjin just had to change into casual wear.

Some odd twenty minutes later found them ambling down the street, masks on and eyes peeled for Aroha. It didn't take long to settle on a place since the younger members weren't with them. They already had a place in mind, a place they didn't go often. A quick adults only joint was just what they needed sometimes so they had scoped one out long ago with Eunwoo.

A quick scan for any of their older Aroha left them in the clear. And it was with relief they lowered their masks and relaxed. They loved their fans Mj knew but sometimes it was nice to just go outside to eat with each other without it being called a date in the wrong context. At that thought though he had to push away the guilty thoughts about Jinjin's pictures that he had hoarded in his pillowcase. 

It wasn't like he liked Jinjin or anything, he told himself as the conversation flowed easily. The leader's easy pace keeping things laid back but not too slow. Yet slow enough his mind wandered to plump lips and trying to pinpoint the exact time they became so distracting.

He'd always found their leader attractive, for a guy anyway. Not Eunwoo level pretty or anything just attractive. It was the small gestures and the gummy smile. But somehow it had shifted and warped. Now he had troubles when they were undressing in the same room because he couldn't keep his eyes off the other's body. The subtle curve of his neck while changing shirts, the way his muscles rippled as the shirt lowered, and the obvious curve of his ass as he pushed it out. He could never watch to the pants knowing a hardon at their schedules or randomly in the dorm wouldn't be appreciated.

But he didn't use to notice these things. It used to be oh look the leader has nice abs and some powerful thighs. Those are good for our dance moves. Now it was hard not think about how those thighs would feel wrapped around him or how those abs would taste. If he really thought about it, it really had started after the cross dressing.

Because it was then he even noticed the curves of Jinjin's body with any real attention to them. Applying more than a passing thought as he studied them following the flow of the wig down his body. Watching his hips as he paraded around in that skirt. Noticing every reveal of thigh with a mental lick of his lips.

The conversation drifted aimlessly like his thoughts. The food was good and the beer exactly what he needed. Not that it helped his thoughts drift further away from the shorter male in front of him. He resigned himself to only one to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Also to ensure he nodded understandingly at the right places as Jinjin tossed back a soju his complaints finally coming to a head about the meeting he had been to. 

Mj could only smile at him commending the efforts that their leader put in for them. He knew that Jinjin did more for them behind the scenes than he really wanted them to know. But sometimes he would invite one of them out, one of them that was old enough, to drink with him. To let him talk about the issues. 

It usually wasn't him. Most often it was Eunwoo who'd smile at him and listen in his gentle way. He didn't want to think it made him jealous that Jinjin confided more in the other male. They were all fairly equally close, nothing to worry about. But when it was him he couldn't help feeling special.

Today it just made him feel guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah minimal editing. I'm lazy, but it's a lie to say no editing. For once though I don't really care if you point things out. Honestly I prefer you don't here.


	2. Well now that we're here

Three days later Mj found himself with more free time than he knew what to do with. He was stuck baby sitting Jinjin who had somehow caught a bug. While the others had offered to care for their bed ridden leader he knew that Moonbin was squimish, Sanha was awful, and Rocky lacked any kind of bedside manner. The only one other than himself who was qualified was Eunwoo but he had schedules himself. The others had vacated the moment they had realized they didn't have to care for their leader, concern slipping in the face of actual free time. The first free time they had seen in months. 

Mj didn't begrudge them that and Jinjin was too passed out to complain about it. Eunwoo might have complained if he were home. As it stood because Jinjin was passed out there wasn't much for Mj to do. Talking to Aroha and posting selfies only sounded tempting for a moment, and the moment was short lived because he really didn't feel like putting his face on if he didn't have to.

Instead he settled onto the couch in the last section, the one closest to the bedrooms with his phone fully intending to watch something trivial. He would adamantly deny that he set out to find videos of Jinjin if any of them ever saw his search history. It wasn't his fault the compilation popped up and he accidentally clicked on it starting a cycle of Jinjin focused fancams.

And all of a sudden keeping his ears tuned for movement from the bedroom was for a completely different reason. 

Swallowing hard he paused the fancam looking around the empty dorm. Even the manager was absent, out with Eunwoo. He listened for any signs of life only to hear Jinjin's light snoring, he would be out for awhile now having taken medicine. He had just checked on him some ten minutes ago. Ten minutes of fancams was all it had taken to get him going. 

The way Jinjin danced had always caught his eyes, the same for Rocky. The fluid movements and sensual appeal of the dance moves. The easy way both of them transitioned from one step into the next. More often than not in practice he could envy that fluidity and muscle control. Appreciate it for what it was. He still could with Rocky. Not Jinjin, no everything was too distracting now. The way the movements drew attention to certain body parts, more often than not he couldn't look at Jinjin when they practiced. At all. 

This dance in particular was a cover of Bts and not once but twice now he'd had to stop himself from moaning out loud. He had never wanted to bite Jinjin's thigh more than in this moment. The way the other kept running his hand over his inner thigh had him imagining his own hand there. Then his lips and his mouth. Leading into thoughts of what the shorter male would taste like. Not just his thighs either.

Because even if he didn't want to do it he knew Jinjin would enjoy it. What hot blooded male didn't enjoy blow jobs? And the moans the shorter male would make would be well worth the effort. He had thought about it a lot more than once after seeing Jinjin's cross dressing. Though more specifically about what it would be like to make the shorter moan his name just by running his tongue along a heated shaft of loaded flesh. Before the cross dressing stage just the thought of a penis used to turn his stomach but now...the thought of what Jinin's looked like kept him up at night.

He took one more assessment of the empty dorm and settled his nerves by looking down at the very obvious bulge in his dorm shorts. He knew it was risky, that the others could come home any time. But he wasn't sure he wanted to stop. Reaching down to rub a finger over the heated flesh trapped in his shorts he held back a whimper. Looking at the screen of his phone he pressed play again. He decided after this video and sneakily checking on Jinjin a cold shower was going to be in order. It wasn't a big deal if they caught him hard, it happened, sometimes for no reason. Especially to their youngest who was still learning to control himself with the side effects of puberty only a few years under his belt. The big deal would be if they found out he was hard because he had been watching fancams of their leader.

The thought of a shower was soon thrown out the window though when his thoughts drifted again. The feeling of his shorts tightening further as his eyes kept following the curve of Jinjin's body. Already several more videos in than he had intended. Thoughts now circling around what it would be like to have Jinjin pressed against him. What it would be like to run his hand down one of those delicious looking thighs. He didn't know when his hand had fisted around himself. Digits pulling softly on heated flesh, as his lip took the abuse of his teeth in their efforts to keep him quiet. 

He wasn't sure when his breath had turned to pants of neediness but he almost screamed when a small whimper was heard from the bedroom. And it wasn't because he was scared. That one soft whimper from Jinjin's lips, that had probably been from a bad dream, had him making a mess of himself. He had been able to hold back any noise simply because he hadn't even known he was so close that one sexy sound from the shorter male would push him over the edge. 

Looking down at the mess that was his shorts he sighed loudly. Hopefully Jinjin just wouldn't notice when he went to check on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I really, really hate the word penis. For no reason. 
> 
> I'd be a liar to say I don't want to know people's thoughts anyway. Your author is a glutton for punishment. SO if you'd be so kind to share your thoughts I promise I'll be nice. 
> 
> I only just realized I'm the only one with a legit adult rating in the Myungjin fics...I don't know how I feel about this...


	3. Since we're here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventually this is probably gonna involve feelings because I don't know how to leave them alone.

It had been an accident, they were cleaning the room because for some reason the manager had a stick up his ass about the place needing it. Mj had only been moving his pillow to reach for the used tissues that had been left on his bed. Because after taking care of Jinjin he'd gone and caught the bug himself. It had nothing to do with three consecutive cold showers because Jinjin's whimpering had done awful things to him. Nothing at all. 

Either way there was no hiding anything now as a few of the pictures from his secret stash came fluttering down. Of course he just had to be cleaning with Jinjin who was currently cleaning up Rocky's bed beside him. He waited with baited breath, and his pillow hugged tightly to his chest to prevent anymore of his precious babies from falling out. He knew that as soon as Jinjin turned his head the picture would be there. Glaringly obvious against the pink comforter that a fan had given him. 

There wasn't time to snatch it up without the shorter male noticing him so he sacrificed his favorite picture of Jinjin in drag. At least it was that one. There could be excuses for that one, excuses that had nothing to do with stolen moments and his lusty thoughts. They wouldn't be good excuses but it was better than blurting 'Sorry JInjin I just happen to be in lo-lust with you' he reasoned to himself and then froze further at his own thoughts. His brain hadn't been providing the word lust. 

He blinked stupidly at the hand being waved in his face. He had missed everything their leader had just said and for once it wasn't because he was too busy staring at plump lips. "Sorry can you repeat that?" Mj smiled apologetically already forgetting the danger he had put himself in due to the strange attempted use of the L-word by his brain. 

"Do you know whose this is?" Jinjin was holding up the picture with his thumb and forefinger a scowl on his face as he looked at it. "It was just laying here on the bed..." 

"Uh...it's mine..." Mj admitted before he even thought about it, he could feel the red raising on his cheeks in seconds the red equally present in his leader's cheeks. "I was using it for a sketch. It's a good picture." He felt his soul leave at the weakness of his lie but he still hoped that Jinjin bought it anyway. 

"Oh...you should show me sometime." Was all that Jinjin said handing him the picture, face downcast as he went back to cleaning up the other bed, pulling books that had been bent beyond repair out from under one of the pillows. They were text books that Rocky claimed to have lost anytime he was asked why he was sleeping instead of studying during downtime between performances or shows. They all knew it was because he was so nervous that focusing on the words would have been impossible. So instead he stayed up later at the dorm cramming. 

"I will." Mj lied again realizing he now had to make a sketch. "It didn't really turn out well though...Maybe you could just model for it?" He was going to have to have a serious talk with his brain later about just blurting things out. Not to mention almost using the L-word, the forbidden L-word not the other one which was definitely more true than than the forbidden L-word could ever be. 

"Wouldn't Eunwoo make a better model?" Jinjin's eyebrow was raised and his voice low. If Mj didn't know any better he would have thought the other was upset about it. He could see broad shoulders tensed a little as he pulled out some notebooks that were in better shape than the textbooks.

"Better than you?" Mj scoffed loudly. "Is it Eunwoo's picture I'm using?" Jinjin didn't say anything after that but he noticed that their leader worked a little more diligently afterward. Even if all he could do was think about how he had dodged a bullet. Well half a bullet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG there is a plot! I told you so. *shrugs* By eventually I meant in this chapter. You either dig it or you don't. *shrug*
> 
> Did I edit? Somehow the answer is yes...but I call it junk for a reason.


	4. Why are we here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do plan to do crazy things with this fanfic. Because it's to de~stress. To those reading. Thank you? I'm not really sure what to say on that because this is a writing exercise but if you're enjoying you're enjoying it. 
> 
> I mean I am thankful. Don't get me wrong. 
> 
> I don't know that anyone has noticed but my author's notes in this fic are way more informal than my other fics.

The modeling, sketch, and picture had yet to come up again. And Mj was extremely thankful for that as it had been over a week now since then. A long week of walking on egg shells and hoping to not upset the balance. He was half tempted to just tell the truth with the odd looks Jinjin kept giving him every time he caught him staring. Which admittedly was more often than intended.

Finally towards the end of the week things had returned to normal and Mj was just about to drift off to sleep. It was nearing six in the morning and everyone else was already softly snoring exhausted from the full schedule, he was exhausted to. But the image of Jinjin's intense stare during their broadcast hadn't left him in peace. No amount of staring at their manager and picturing them in an unflattering swimsuit had helped him today. It usually did the trick because this manager was everything Mj found not attractive in the physical sense at least. Though these days anyone not Jinjin shaped wasn't attractive at all. 

He was about to let that thought sink in when he heard something from below. It was soft, pushed into the pillow to keep it quiet. Every nerve stood at attention as it sounded again. It was Jinjin, because there was no way Sanha could ever sound like that. The noise shot straight down his spine and into his groin. Another small moan and he was fighting a raging hard on at the thought of Jinjin touching himself. He strained his ears further listening for the slick slide of flesh on flesh. He heard it softly, muffled into almost inaudible by a pile of at least three blankets he was sure. 

He held his breath, dick hard and ready. Aching to be touched as he continued listening to the soft noises that the shorter male was making. He wanted to lean over the bed at the end and watch. Even if it was just the rustle of blankets where the true treasure was hidden underneath. He bit his lips until he was sure they were raw as he finally let his own hand slide down his body to rub against his now throbbing flesh. He kept himself quiet as he reached for the tissues he still kept on hand. Jinjin's ragged breathing was getting heavier, the soft moans less spaced out and he knew that he wasn't far behind. 

When he finally stroked himself he imagined it was at the same pace as his leader, their cocks mashed together as one sensitive nerve. The friction so hot and good that he was already losing his mind to the thought of it. Then another image took over, the idea of kissing Jinjin's lips, already swollen from keeping in his louder moans. The way he would taste against his lips as they both spilled their seed on bare stomachs. And he was already over the edge, the tissue just in time. 

Below he could hear Jinjin's pants as he tried to regain his composure, Mj knew that their leader didn't let himself relax enough. Out of all of them Jinjin and Eunwoo had the least amount of free time. He allowed himself a stray thought about what the shorter male might have been thinking about it. Then he promptly dropped it at the hollow pang in his chest at knowing it wasn't him. He wadded up the tissue with more tissues and settled back down to sleep. Hoping that Jinjin hadn't noticed, because if he did he hadn't said anything. And there wasn't any way he was going back to awkward if he could help it. 

He blamed Jinjin for making him fall in lo-lust with him. He immediately corrected himself because that evil L-word was not allowed in this situation. Even if the more he thought about their leader the more he wanted to do more than just fuck him into a wall. He had even recently almost kissed him on the cheek because he was just so cute. He really needed to get his brain under control. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So probably here before long (No plans yet) it won't just be masturbation because that's only so fun. I mean I'm a chick and dicks are great but not really. *shrug* What do you want from me?
> 
>  
> 
> Side note chapters titles are notes to myself. They don't mean anything important. I'm still just whatevering. 
> 
> Can you all tell your author is like constantly stressed yet? Like holla at your gurl _[@shinigamibutter](https://twitter.com/shinigamibutter?s=09)_


	5. Apparently I can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I literally just hop through all my works that need updates, write a line or two and end up here? Yeah...No totally not something I would do on the daily. 
> 
> Somehow lately I've ended up talking in third person all the time. I would like to blame Korea but it really all started with Japan.

Mj was tired. Today had been too stressful. Had it really been necessary to get out of bed? He hadn't really thought so after the events of the day had unfolded. Their schedule had consisted of practice, fuckery, and too many antics. He knew that most of the time he was supposed to be upbeat and happy. It wasn't possible for everyday. Today was not going to be a good day for him. 

When they finally got back to the dorm he didn't feel like climbing the ladder to his bed. It was too much work for his sore and complaining muscles. Even after a hard practice he hadn't felt that way before but today his body was just not having it. 

Sanha being the sweet kid he is, had offered to switch him beds for the night. He'd almost taken him up on the offer. Then he remembered that one of his pillow cases was filled with pictures of their leader in various states of undress, stage clothes, regular clothes, and drag. Really there were too many pictures of Jinjin that he had hoarded recently all of them obtained and printed out when he was left to himself in the dorm. There were at least twenty or so he was sure but hadn't bothered counting. That wasn't really an issue though. Sanha wasn't about to use THAT pillow. No one liked it except him. 

No the real problem would be sleeping only a bed away from the starring role of all his nightly, daily, and he might as well just admit all of his fantasies of late. He wasn't sure he could take it after all the awkward that had gone on recently simply because he really didn't want to keep it in his pants. Or in his heart. 

He pounded his head against the couch at that additional thought. There really wan't any getting around it though. He had to think about these things honestly. Even if all he really wanted to do was pass the fuck out and not wake up for three days. Because it was getting to complicated. 

He longed for the days he could just look at Jinjin with a swelling feeling of something in his chest that didn't need a name, didn't need to be expressed with more than a simple you're cute, and didn't make his head spin with the impossibilities of it all. He wished he could go back and look away from that stupid stage outfit that had made his heart beat three times as fast as anything he'd ever laid eyes on before. 

He wanted to go back to before he realized he was in love with Jinjin. 

But as he lay on the couch that night where he had decided to sleep he realized there was no going back. And eventually he was going to get caught with his feelings. And all he wanted to know was that Jinjin wouldn't hate him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like this is junk...I know I'm sorry.
> 
> Now edited junk. Staying up til 7am is not easy guys. :'(


	6. Whelp we're here now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your author is often stressed. 
> 
> Reading back through this I'm kinda amazed I've almost consistently kept the same voice.

After finally realizing his feelings for Jinjin weren't all of a lusty nature Mj found life harder. Not because he wanted to act on them, no that was career suicide but because there was no way Jinjin felt the same. Their leader was very obvious in his affection for women.

It wasn't a secret that Jinjin liked girls, and he was a lot less awkward with them than he acted for their fans. It just saved them trouble. Mj knew this and yet it didn't make it easier watching their leader smooth talk some cutie in a short skirt. Though everyone knew it wasn't going to go anywhere, she was another idol and even more rookie than they were. And Jinjin wasn't really as interested as he made himself seem. He'd seen it before, the let them decide he's not as charming as I first thought trick. It was useful because in the end they would probably all end up on a stage together somewhere if the girl's group made it that far.

Mj did his best to this ignore the exchange.

It wasn't working though and by the sixth time one of his members asked what was wrong he wanted to explode. He didn't of course, they were at a schedule, instead he sucked it up with a whole lot of internal cursing. And wishing he could just be honest for once when they asked him if he was upset. He couldn't though because then he would have to explain why. And none of them would like his answer.

Because his answer would be along the lines of telling them he wanted to push Jinjin up against the wall and mark him as his. He'd never been very possessive before, but then he knew he'd never truly been in love before. It was one thing sharing Jinjin with the members and Aroha it was another thing entirely to share him with others.

Mj successfully pushed those thoughts away during their performance and broadcast acting like nothing was wrong. That was until Jinjin took him aside and he had to lie through his teeth about everything. It wasn't easy and he knew Jinjin wasn't convinced, that as the leader he probably suspected something a little more serious. It wasn't that serious though Mj had assured him. It was, obviously if he were getting jealous but he couldn't tell him that.

Instead he just smiled on and lied. One day he'd get caught, but it wasn't going to be today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited...


	7. Oops I didn't mean to post so soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter was posted by accident but being as I'm lazy I just rushed a finish. *shrug* that's lazy right? Either way I just rolled with it.
> 
> We're getting into real junk now. *Throws somewhat realistic plot out the window* Sorry.

It had been over three weeks since Mj had gotten any alone time at the dorm. Everyday was filled with comeback schedules and meetings and being there for his members even when the schedule wasn't his. Finally today he was alone, well for a few hours anyway. Enough time to take an extraordinarily long shower and work out some of his tensions. 

Today there was no need for a photograph. Jinjin's perfect proportions were burned into his mind from their practice the night before. He hadn't meant to look, he was usually better at not looking. But he had and Jinjin was always so perfect in even the small movements of their choreography. Breathtaking if he were honest. More than once staring had almost caused him to mess up. The only thing that kept him from doing so had been muscle memory and the fact they expected him to do the worst in some moves to begin with. Dancing was something that didn't always come easy to him. But now standing under the hot running water of the shower none of that mattered.

What did matter was he had the time to recall every little detail of Jinjin's movements. The way his sweat trickled down his neck and how his clothes clung to him. That heated look of concentration as he tried to get the moves for the dance perfect. The way his body moved so smoothly with each little gesture change.

Last night he was too exhausted to have a reaction for which he was thankful. Now though he had time and he was full of engery. Engery he put to use thinking about the slow way Jinjin's fingers splayed against his own chest the thin shirt covered in sweat, almost see through. Just the thought of it had him growing hard. He made sure to at least wash himself as his thoughts lingered on the kissable way the shorter male's lips had looked while panting from effort. Mj thought of other reasons that Jinjin would look like that.

Mj allowed his thoughts to carry him away the hot water pounding down his back. If felt good but not as good as the idea of Jinjin pressed against his back hands freely roaming over his chest as he moved his limbs into the right position. He missed those days when they would just meet in the practice room and Jinjin would help him, in a more hands on approach. Back then it hadn't meant anything and if he were honest with himself it shouldn't mean anything now. It did though. 

He allowed himself to think of the gentle way Jinjin used to touch him in the practice room, his eyes glued to the path pale hands were making down his body in the mirror. The sound of their music playing softly behind them. It had been for a different purpose then. But now he could almost feel it again as he let his own hands travel a different path than Jinjin's had back then, ignoring the problem even as he brushed it with his pinkie. He couldn't hold back the soft hiss that escaped his lips at the brief contact. He kept going instead thinking of the way Jinjin would tease him. Telling him to watch in the mirror as he ghosted pale fingers over Mj's much tanner skin.

Mj thought of the way that a pink tongue would dart out over plump lips before perfectly white teeth would sink into his shoulder, those plump lips surrounding them. Jinjin's amused look as he caught his eyes in the mirror, hands drifting lower as his back pressed against the taller male. Arousal pressing against his ass as he continued to tease. Sparkling eyes further teasing as that pink tongue made a trail up his neck from the newly formed bite. Mj unable to look away from the mirror in his mind's eye.

Mj was just about to reach down for his cock when he heard the bathroom door open. He halted instantly the shower door was open and there was no way they wouldn't see him. He wanted to turn, so they at least wouldn't see the problem he was dealing with. He wasn't fast enough though and he wanted to scream as the object of his desires came face to face with his hard on.

Jinjin blinked a few times and Mj wished he would say something instead of shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. It wasn't helping him any and it certainly wasn't helping their leader as he hadn't stopped staring at Mj's exposed body. Not that the taller male had stopped staring either as Jinjin was only wearing a towel. Probably had been planning to take a shower and hadn't bothered to check if anyone was in there. Or been too tired judging from the dark circles under his eyes.

Another minute passed and Mj had had enough. He was over this. So he smiled widely stepped out of the shower turning it off, he was clean already anyway at least in body. "Sorry I didn't think anyone would be home so soon." He said trying to move around Jinjin. The shorter male didn't move as their eyes met. Mj thought his face was going to explode, the shorter male looked so kissable and with all the blood still rushing to his dick he really wanted to act on it.

"I should have knocked..." Jinjin finally answered still not moving and Mj could feel his eyes boring into his a question forming there. "Um...I was just..." He started again and trailed off. But it was obvious he had more to say.

Mj wasn't sure what he was on about really there wasn't anything wrong with what either had been doing. Well minus the whole Mj had been thinking about his leader, friend, and coworker in some very inappropriate ways for those position titles. He pushed those thoughts aside just like he was pushing away the feeling of his balls getting blue from lack of release. "It's okay Jinjin, we're both guys after all." Mj finally said something tired of waiting.

"Since we're both guys and it's okay would...it...be okay to ask if we could..." Mj knew that Jinjin's face had never been redder the whole time he had known him. And he wondered what he was implying until he followed the others hand motion to the towel around his waist. If he was seeing what he thought he saw he must still be sleeping. There was no way that Jinjin, their girl obsessed leader, their straitlaced workaholic, and resident shy guy was asking what he thought he was asking. But god if he was Mj was going to need his soul saved. Because there was no way he could say no. Career or not.

"Mj...MJ...MYUNGJUN." Mj jumped awake and wondered if his life was over because he had just had the best wet dream about the man that was practically screaming his name. He didn't remember falling asleep on the couch, but he wouldn't be surprised since they had been up all night with practice. His body was still feeling sore and he had barely found a comfortable sleeping position last night.

"I'm up..." Mj blushed heavily at the proximity of Jinjin's face after that dream. "Don't put your kissable lips so close to me." He mumbled only half awake as he rubbed his eyes grumpily. That really had been a good dream. He still really wasn't that awake even as he stared up at Jinjin barely registering who it was.

"Kissable lips?" Was Jinjin's retort and Mj felt himself blushing harder at the leader's quirked eyebrow not really catching what he was talking about. "IF you're going to confess to me do it when you're more awake. Now go to bed before I change my mind and make you talk about it now. We'll talk tomorrow." 

Mj blinked stupidly and nodded only half the words registering as he ambled his way back to their room. He was surprised when Jinjin pulled him from the ladder and down into his own bed cuddling him close as the shorter male tried to drift off to sleep. Mj didn't think anything of it as he let himself be used as a teddy bear, going back to sleep in seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How there's seven chapters of this I don't even understand. I really only started this because I needed Mj loving cross dressed Jinjin. Like really if you saw the first drafts of some of my stuff (when I actually take the time and effort involved to write them completely) you'd be really shocked how they get anywhere.
> 
> Does anyone even read these notes or am I talking to myself?
> 
>  
> 
> Like I edited.


	8. Just a heads up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys since I'm planning to pick up a personal non-fanfiction related project I might be dropping this one. Maybe...You all know your author is always stressed with her two jobs and whatever project number she's on again (I honestly have to count) so probs not.
> 
> We'll probs just end drifting a lot plot wise but I did just toss the plot out the window last chapter. That's not really easy for me to do. Even when I start not knowing things usually plot themselves out by chapter 3.
> 
> Tags changed for a reason. Yes Jinjin is topping ❤

When Mj woke up in Jinjin's arms the next morning he was taken aback to say the least. The events of last night were fuzzy in his mind as he lay there. He remembered having a really good dream that was interrupted when someone had made him go to bed. And then he had fallen back to sleep so quickly he wasn't sure how he'd gotten into Jinjin's bed. For the moment though he was just thankful any morning wood issues weren't currently a problem and neither was Sanha as the kid had already gone off to school judging from his empty bed. 

Mj outright refused to follow that thought to the logical conclusion that he and Jinjin were the only ones in the room. Though he realized it might be too late when he shifted to find that while morning wood hadn't been a problem getting hard at the thought of being alone in bed with Jinjin certainly was.

But he couldn't move as he was currently trapped in a very dead to world Jinjin's arms. A very soft against his back, and warm Jinjin who might or might not be having his own issues because he was pretty sure that wasn't a hand pressed into his hip.

He nearly stopped breathing when Jinjin shifted in his sleep pulling him closer and put any doubts he had to rest. That was definitely little Jinjin pressed into his thigh and he was trying really hard not to move anymore. Or breath because if he breathed he was definitely going to moan. Of course not breathing wasn't going to last long. But he had to think of something that wasn't proximity related because he didn't have to question if he was going to have issues. He could already feel himself straining against the sweat pants he'd fallen asleep in last night.

Mj hadn't meant to groan when he finally got up the courage to at least try and free his arm. He did though because it had caused Jinjin to shift again. Pulling him backward, the chuckle in his ear had him almost screaming. The only reason he didn't was by simply convincing himself it was just a noise the leader made in his sleep, he'd done it before.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jinjin's hot breath was in his ear and Mj froze, he was assuredly not breathing now. And he was certain his heart had stopped too as he felt a warm hand wander under his shirt, soft lips against his neck.

Mj didn't dare answer, well was incapable of answering when their leader's sleep laden voice reiterated the question. He could feel the warm hand climb higher taking his shirt with it. Even though he was no longer trapped there, there was no force in the world that could make him move. All he could feel were slim fingers exploring his skin and the pounding of his heart beat, the throbbing of his hungry cock only a blip on his radar.

Jinjin's hand stopped just below his nipple and Mj took a sharp inhale of breath. "You can stop pretending you're still asleep now." The sigh that escaped their leader's lips played against his neck as the warm hand trailed back down slowly, teasing him. "It's not like you've been subtle in your interest you know." Slightly chapped lips landed on his ear and he resisted the urge to moan again instead listening as Jinjin went on in his deep voice, directly in his ear now. "I found your photo stash," Those plump lips were nibbling on his earlobe and Mj felt like he was going to explode just from that. "Did you know you're really cute when you're jealous?"

Mj knew he couldn't get any redder as he let go of the moan he was holding in when perfect teeth bit down on his ear. Those slender fingers clamped around his nipple pulling softly. Instantly his hand shot up to stop them before he went off right then. "Ok I'm awake. Please..." He wasn't sure what he was begging for but he could already feel wetness from precum in his boxers. "Please..."

The next thing he knew Jinjin was moving him and he was on his back looking up at their leader whose face was redder than his actions had led him to believe. He looked uncertain, but so hungry. His pupils blown out and his lips parted, tongue darting out to coat them. "Please what?"

Mj didn't know how to answer that so instead he wrapped his suddenly free arm around the shorter male's neck and pulled. When their lips met it felt right and just as suddenly as he had pulled the other forward he was moving against the thick thigh shoved between his legs. His hips bucking in a need he thought he could go without satisfying. His only response was the movement of soft lips against his and the return of the hands on his chest. As he allowed himself back into his senses slowly, he felt a hard cock throbbing against his own thigh and he reached for it. The groan that seemed to travel from Jinjin's lips to his set him back on fire.

"Wait..." Jinjin was panting when he pulled away, a small moan escaping as Mj ran his other hand over a bare cheek. "We...we shouldn't..." Deep hungry eyes looked into Mj's reason returning to them. "We haven't even talked..."

Mj panicked for a second before he realized what Jinjin meant was about having sex immediately. "Do you love me?" He stared into dark eyes, his own expression as serious as he could make it. "God, Jinwoo I love you so much and if you don't want to I can stop. But I really fucking don't want to. I love you," He lifted himself up enough to kiss those extremely tempting lips again, but he only brushed them softly. "Us having sex is not going to change my mind, even if I hadn't really planned on bottoming there isn't much I wouldn't do for you."

Jinjin's wide eyes were his only answer for a moment before a few things happened all at once and so quickly it was hard for Mj to keep up. Plump lips were on his, a pink tongue inviting itself into his mouth, a gentle hand was on his cock rubbing softly, and hips were pushing into him with a hard cock creating friction with his thigh. All he could do was kiss back, arching into the contact as he pulled on whatever he could reach to get them closer.

"Myungjun if I didn't love you this wouldn't be happening." Jinjin finally answered as he began pulling down the sweats that were getting in the way, all while raining more kisses all over Mj's face. "Fuck though if I haven't thought about this for months though I would have..." 

"I know you'd have been more romantic." Mj smirked pulling the other's shirt off running his hands over the bare skin offered to him before leaning up to run his tongue along an exposed collar bone. Lavishing it with attention as his other hand took hold of Jinjin's needy cock through his sleep shorts again. The moans that got him were even hotter than what he had imagined. "We can do that later...but now" He tried really hard to focus as a hand pawed at his ass and lips ran along his shoulder. "Oh fuck just," Mj pulled away and repositioned himself on his knees, and swallowed hard at what he was about to say. "Let's do this." He pulled the lube from where he knew Jinjin stashed it from cleaning. 

His answer was a firm hand on his ass and an intake of breath. Neither of them were virginal he knew, though he was pretty certain he was the only one who had so much as done a double take on a guy before. Not that he had gone anywhere with it. "It's the same..." Mj found himself explaining more because he didn't want Jinjin to stop.

"I won't hurt you." The shorter male leaned over kissing Mj's shoulder blades and he heard the lube open. "Relax..." Jinjin's voice was unsure but his hands were steady and calming.

It hurt, he knew it would hurt but Mj did his best to relax as Jinjin prepared him. It helped though that even as Jinjin's fingers were busy so was his mouth, placing kisses along his back, whispering sweet nothings into his ears, while his free hand stroked Mj softly.

Before he knew it though he was lost to the words and the feeling of Jinjin inside him, thrusting backwards as he found the angle that left him seeing stars. Yet he knew he wasn't ready yet and so did the shorter male who kept going until he had Mj begging.

"Myungjun...remember to breathe." Jinjin's voice was in his ear but his cock was aligned with his ass. It hurt more than Mj expected but he withstood it, hands bunching in the sheets and he kept down his groan by biting the pillow. The sharp intake of Jinjin's breath that followed that first inch made it somewhat better. Better yet was the tongue tracing his spine, the hand on his thigh, and the one on his cock. "You feel amazing." Jinjin didn't move letting him adjust and he was thankful for it.

When he was ready Mj moved backwards and he thought he might go blind when Jinjin's hips snapped forward hitting at the perfect angle. He was biting the pillow again as they moved as one. He knew that they would both reach their limit quickly since it had been so long. He didn't care though as he felt Jinjin continuing to thrust in and out of him the feeling of being filled everything and more than he thought it would be.

It took everything he had to keep from moaning louder or screaming Jinjin's name. The sweet words in his ear were non stop, but the small grunts were pressed into silence along his back. Mj could only arch his back and thrust his hips harder the closer he got. Though the shorter male seemed to catch on as he thrust deeper and harder, the pace picking up.

When they came it was together. Mj into Jinjin's hand that had been pumping him and Jinjin into Mj. And then they were falling to the side of the mess. 

They lay there panting a moment before Jinjin moved grabbing something to clean them up, yanking the dirty blanket from the bed as he went, crumpling it up to wash later. When it seemed he deemed the cleaning good enough he pulled Mj to him, as Jinjin knew he couldn't move himself right now. 

Mj was out cold the moment a clean blanket was thrown over him and he was cuddled into Jinjin's arms. Everything else could be dealt with later. When he wasn't post bliss sleepy and Jinjin wasn't kissing his forehead telling him how much he loved him and how good it had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am doing whatever I want again. Goodbye sensible plot I thought up.
> 
> I was trying to update The X Clan or at least Order Up. But nope.
> 
> (Edited and I have no idea how there's so many chapters. We're on 27 when I edited.)


	9. So I'm still here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting a glaze over some details. I'm sure you won't mind. It's a lot of work to be realistic and Dream Walking takes that right out of me. So glazing is a go.

When Mj woke up again wrapped in Jinjin's arms, his bare back pressed into a naked chest he felt content. Until he noticed both Sanha and Rocky poking their heads through the door mouths open. Thinking about it, it might have been their screeching and not Jinjin pulling him closer that woke him up this time. Behind him he could feel their leader stirring just as actual coherent sentences started falling from their mouths.

Mj ignored them in favor of planting a soft, and scream inducing kiss on Jinjin's forehead. Before long he was sure Moonbin and Dongmin would come running. No matter how he thought about it though no part of him wanted anything to do with moving. At least for a few hours, but Jinjin was already shifting covering them a little more fully than just their legs and lower regions. He really dreaded the words that would follow that action as it was probably going to be telling him to get around. He wasn't wrong either for as soon as Sanha and Rocky had closed the door, faces red Jinjin was whispering in his ear that they should get up and do damage control.

It was really hard for Mj to take Jinjin seriously though as he was running swollen lips over the side of his neck. It was doing things to his body that thankfully he was too exhausted to show. He didn't even try to move instead leaning back into the touches that had started along his side.

"We really need to get up..." Jinjin didn't stop until the door opened again and Eunwoo peeked his head in no sign of a smile on his face. Jinjin then suddenly froze and Mj couldn't see Jinjin's face but he just knew it was pouty.

"If you two aren't out here, fully dressed, in the next ten minutes there will be repercussions." With that Eunwoo closed the door softly and Jinjin let out a long sigh. And then began getting up for real.

"You okay to walk babe?" Jinjin was staring down at him with nothing but concern in his eyes and Mj blushed when he leaned down to peck his lips softly. He nodded in reply and began to move, regardless of the aches in places he'd never had aches before. Jinjin helped him into pants when he cried out in pain at the motion.

When they finally ambled out to the living room Eunwoo had his angry mother face on while Rocky and Sanha looked like the scandalized siblings. Jinjin's hand was in his and Mj knew his own face was set with the same level of determination as their leader's.

The talk went a hell of lot smoother and more in their favor than either of them thought it would. The manager was called in, the company was consulted, and the group. There were rules implemented and regulations to their dating. There were also contingency plans put into place should they be caught or break up. A few additional contracts as well. By the time Mj was collapsing in his own bed, all he wanted to do was sleep. The talk had taken all day but the results were worth it.

He thought about how it all started when Jinjin crawled into bed with him holding him tightly. He knew his photos were still in the pillow case to his right as Jinjin snuggled into him. He was the big spoon this time, peppering soft kisses to the shorter male's neck. "Next time I'm topping." He muttered with a kiss but it only earned him a chuckle. Down below Rocky and Sanha were bickering about everthing deciding to share a bed for the night as well. Because even cleaned they wanted nothing to do with their hyung's beds. The only reason they were in the room at all was because Eunwoo kicked them out for bickering.

Mj wasn't sure that the next morning he wasn't going to wake up and find it had all been a very pleasant dream. He'd done it before. But he hoped not as he pulled Jinjin closer. Asleep before he even realized he was muttering an I love you only to receive one in turn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm writing this in Chicago because your author still has zero chill. Everything else was updated before coming ❤ because Bts tomorrow ❤
> 
> Edited btw still not over Namjoon looking in my general direction. Never will be.


	10. I'm really not sure how long this will be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your author was pretty pissy when she finished this chapter. After being told she should branch out and write hetro for the umpth time. Ya know the basic what a waste. You'll never make it if you only write what you like lecture.

Mj had just finihsed a V-live of his own for the first time in he didn't know how long. And he never wanted to do it alone again. Every few minutes a question would pop by, the same question he always got when he was alone, well they all got when alone. 'Where are the other members?' He of course had answered it several times, they weren't here. That wasn't the whole truth though as Jinjin was home but napping after a long night at the studio. But that wasn't the point. 

Sighing loudly he curled himself into Jinjin's side as he slept upright on the couch. When he nuzzled into a warm arm he was surprised when the other cracked an eye at him. He smiled weakly hoping he hadn't actually woken up. It had only been a week since they had officially announced their dating, if one were to call getting caught after having sex that. Sanha and Rocky had banished them to the top bunks permanently a few days ago just because they so much as kissed on the lower bed.

As it stood since then they hadn't gotten much alone time or free time. Mj was not wanting to ruin it by bringing up anything negative. So he really hoped Jinjin wouldn't notice the tears in his eyes. It was hard when no one wanted just him. He'd been warned about reading comments before that as soon as you saw it asked the first time don't look anymore. It wasn't an easy thing to do.

"What's wrong?" Jinjin finally asked opening both eyes while turning to wipe a tear from Mj's cheek. His voice was gruff from both sleep and the lack of. 

Mj ignored the way Jinjin's voice shot down his spine and rubbed his cheek against the warmth of Jinjin's arm again. Not meeting his eyes. He didn't really want to talk about it but he didn't want to worry his boyfriend anymore. "I just did a V-live..." He hesitated when he looked up into attentive brown eyes, he didn't feel quite as bad anymore. "I just felt unwanted and maybe a touch unloved when they kept asking for you or the others."

Mj noticed the subtle nod of Jinjin's head. They had all felt this way more than once. But there were no words he could say to express it. Then his boyfriend shifted suddenly pulling him into an embrace. The motion was quick and left him wide eyed before he melted into the embrace. He knew his hot tears were leaving wet splotches on the comfortable hoodie Jinjin was wearing. Even as he tried to hold them back.

"You aren't unloved or unwanted Mj. Sometimes our Aroha can be inconsiderate and that's not okay but it isn't because they don't love you." Jinjin's voice was in his ear as Mj clung to him, the shorter's body twisted into his. "It's difficult when they're like that, I know." The gruffness was gone from his boyfriend's voice as he spoke, the tone quieter and meaningful. "You are our main vocal, we wouldn't be Astro without any of us."

Mj nodded into the shoulder he was burying his face into. Because it was true and because he knew Jinjin meant it. 

"I love you Myungjun." The gentleness of his boyfriend's voice had him pulling back to look at him. There was a soft smile on kissable lips as brown eyes stared into his own. 

Mj found himself smiling back, even though he knew he looked like a mess. He leaned forward brushing his lips against Jinjin's. Eyelids fluttering for a millisecond just as he pulled back. "I love you too." The others would be home soon. "Let's watch a movie and not think about anything." Jinjin nodded in agreement the need for sleep evident in the sluggish way he pulled back and got more comfortable on the couch.

Tossing in a movie he knew both of them had seen and still enjoyed after hundreds of viewings he got comfortable again. Jinjin was very nearly asleep again as he cuddled into him. The movie began playing but Mj wasn't far behind his boyfriend in falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited to this point.


	11. Your author is a lil wrecked right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did your author just update everything? Yes she did! Did she do it while sick...she'll plead the fifth. Anywhos I'm back because I'm stressed the fuck out.

It had been three days ago that they had gotten enough time to have a proper kiss, and even longer since they had a make out session. Mj was trying really hard not to complain. Their month anniversary, if you could call it that, was coming up. And this time he wanted to do things right. He'd gotten approvals and time and already discussed his plans with everyone involved. 

Everyone except his boyfriend. Who might end up dead on their anniversary if he didn't stop making eyes at that girl group member whose name escaped him in his anger. It wasn't that he didn't understand, of course he understood. Jinjin was known to like women. Jinjin was known to flirt if they had a skirt. However it didn't make him happy to see his boyfriend flirting for their cover. Even when Jinjin came over afterwards apology in every subtle move of his body it didn't help.

Mj knew he was being unreasonable when even Sanha gave him that look but he couldn't help it. He hadn't gotten even five minutes alone with Jinjin without one of them passing out from sheer exhaustion. Their comeback was in full swing still and it was shows, shows, and more shows. And when it wasn't shows it was practice until they drop. He was okay with that, had been okay with that forever now. It was his dream too and he was willing to put in the effort. Even if it meant only a few soft touches where no one would notice, stolen glances, and the occasional kiss. It was enough during comeback time.

It wasn't enough when Jinjin was purposefully making eyes at girls in front of him. Of course he could do the same, but something told him that wouldn't solve anything. He wasn't known for being flirty nor was he known for being overly friendly with girls. And in playing the jealousy game he knew that everyone loses. It was still tempting though because sometimes he was just jealous. It lessened considerably when as soon as they were in their own dressing room, Jinjin's hand was always on his lower back. His eyes constantly straying to wherever he was when they weren't doing a show or V-live. It helped.

Today though Jinjin didn't do any of that. Instead after they entered the dressing room, he immediately passed out in the make up chair and didn't pay any mind to anyone. Mj wanted to be mad, but instead he was hurt. It probably showed a little in their broadcast, but not enough to be a problem. Yet Jinjin hadn't spared him a glance during that either. Instead making sure that he paid utmost attention to and flirted with their female host who was around their age. He wanted to say that it made him mad. 

He wanted to stay mad when they climbed into the van that night as he settled into the backseat. He wasn't wanting to admit it but he was taken aback when Jinjin squeezed in next to him when Sanha was about to sit there. Their leader cuddled up to him as much as the seat belts would allow but Mj found himself looking out the window instead of at his boyfriend who still hadn't said a word. Only situated himself with his head on Mj's shoulder and his hand on his thigh. 

"I know why you're mad. I'm sorry." Jinjin didn't speak until they were moving his voice a whisper as the others had already fallen asleep. "I didn't want to act like that." His sigh was felt against Mj's neck and he wanted so bad to be angry when he turned to look at their leader. 

Mj knew the pain was showing in his eyes though when Jinjin sat up enough to look at him. He knew from the way his face changed. "I'm not mad." He knew his voice was lower than even a whisper and the sigh in his words wouldn't be missed but he didn't hide it. Jinjin had always advocated honesty in the feelings of the team, their relationship was no different. "I was hurt."

Jinjin's arms were around him instantly tears in his eyes, evident from his voice. "I wasn't tying to hurt you that's the girl the company wants to use a cover. I was told to act that way. I'm sorry. We weren't found out they just want to take preemptive measures." Jinjin's voice broke at that and Mj wondered how hard it was for him to act like that. It didn't seem like it was hard when he was acting but Jinjin had been a pretty good actor. 

"I understand." Mj responded because he did. He knew what the company had asked of them, they hadn't met the girl they had told him would be his cover yet. But he would be told to act the same probably without informing Jinjin as well. It was a horrible way of covering things up. It never worked completely but it worked well enough that no one bothered to change it.

"I love you." Jinjin was pressing a kiss to his lips, short and chaste as they had been warned about anything near the public eye. Then his head was back on his shoulder their fingers interlocked. And Mj could feel the tension leaving his body at that as well as the tension his own had instilled in his boyfriend. 

"I love you too." Mj smiled again squeezing their fingers looking out the window for cars before pressing a kiss into Jinjin's soft hair. It had recently been dyed again. He heard an ew from Sanha who must have woken up just then but he ignored it. He'd ask Jinjin about what he thought about their anniversary plans later. Right now this was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm going to try to get emotional up in here. By that I mean making you feel things. On purpose not happy accidents. I'm really trying to advance my writing. 
> 
> If you've got constructive criticisms toss 'em my way! I want it. On any of the works of my mine that you might have read/be reading. I do a lot at once.
> 
> Edited to here so far.


	12. How open are you late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to work on the update for Dream Walking but I can barely talk let alone write so I've ended up here. Please don't expect a lot from me this chapter. 
> 
> It's been a long time since I wrote something dialogue heavy so I'll try to do that here.

Mj wasn't going to say he wasn't upset that Jinjin didn't like his anniversary plans. They weren't that bad really, maybe a little more public than the company strictly liked but they had approved them anyway. Jinjin did not and so he was already back to the drawing board. And the drawing board was getting pretty empty as every idea he had was shot down before he could even open his mouth. The idea guessed correctly and easily dismissed. He was about to get upset until Jinjin smiled at him and assured him the perfect idea would come to him. It wasn't like it was their one hundred day anniversary they could go all out then. 

Mj grew tired of hearing that after the fifth time of having his plans rejected by Jinjin. "If he's going to reject everything I come up with why doesn't he come up with something?" He found himself venting to Moonbin who was blinking at him like a scared puppy. Mj didn't pay it any attention settling himself further into the chair at the small coffee shop they had ventured into together. They hadn't planned on staying but there weren't any fangirls around and if there were the context was missing. "It's not like I have't provided every idea under the sun." He whined further his voice low and he knew his pout was in full force. 

Moonbin blinked at him again sipping at the sugary drink in his hands and Mj could only wonder what he was thinking. He wasn't sure he could blame him, Moonbin was almost never his first choice when it came to venting. It was almost always Sanha as the kid liked to listen and he was also occasionally more insightful than anyone gave him credit for. But there was no way on earth that Mj was going to go to Sanha or even Rocky about romance. They didn't even have much experience to begin with. Which left Eunwoo who was on site for some drama or photo shoot, or maybe it was a recording. Mj wasn't sure anymore but he couldn't talk to Jinjin about Jinjin getting on his nerves so Moonbin was his only option. 

"Hyung..." Moonbin started small eyes blinking again and Mj wondered if he was going to tell him off for being whiny. "I think Jinjin does have a plan he just doesn't want you to know he has a plan." Moonbin looked down at his drink before looking around the small corner they were in as if looking for Aroha who were hiding behind the empty chairs to their left. When he continued the look on his face was telling. "So to keep you busy he's telling you to come up with something better."

Mj felt like it was his turn to blink as he sat back in the comfortable chair a little more naturally, sipping his own coffee. Moonbin might have a point it didn't sound like something Jinjin would do but at the same time it sounded exactly like something Jinjin would do. He often did that to their Aroha leaving little hints and clues when he said he wasn't. Underhanded was sometimes the way Jinjin liked to do things while at the same time somehow still being straightforward. Kind of like the way Jinjin had gotten them together. Mj refused to let his thoughts linger there though as it had been too long since the last time they even had a proper make out session let alone sex. 

"You might be right." He found himself nodding into his straw as he looked at Moonbin who was smiling cutely at him like he had solved everything. He felt better for seeing it. Sometimes Moonbin left him with the desire to squish his cheeks and coddle him in the same ways he did to Sanha. It wasn't often that he gave in because Moonbin didn't like being treated like the maknae very often. "Sometimes you're too cute." He found himself saying aloud only to see the blush blooming across tan cheeks. It was nice.

"Thank you hyung." Moonbin squirmed a little looking unsure what to do with the compliment that Mj knew he rarely heard from him. Then his face was clear and he was sipping his drink like nothing was said a soft and comfortable silence settling between them. It lasted for a few more seconds then Moonbin was talking again. "About Jinjin..." He was looking around again when Mj looked up curiosity piqued at the mention of his boyfriend. "I think he really has something planned but let him have his surprise okay?" 

There was a wide smile on his face when he nodded and Mj knew it. He couldn't help it. Moonbin was trying to make both of them happy. It was in that moment that Mj felt guilty for not coming to Moonbin more, not spending more time alone with him. He was a good kid, smart, sweet, and just as knowledgeable as Eunwoo if the knowing look in his eyes was anything to go by. Fluffy around the edges did not make a fluffy middle Mj concluded with a sly smile at his companion. "I'll let Jinjin have his surprise." He nodded again then side eyed the cakes in the display. "What do you say to breaking our diet?" 

Moonbin followed his line of sight and the smile that over took his face was the brightest one he had seen since they walked in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm back for minor edits. I just looked the chapter titles and really I find them amusing.
> 
> Came back for actual edits.


	13. Let's do this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like this just couldn't go in with the friendship fluffiness of last chapter...So here we go again.

Jinjin had told him that he didn't have a plan, well he didn't say it directly but he had only shrugged when asked and said that he thought Mj had one. That had been twenty minutes ago with hushed whispers even though they were definitely the only ones home as Eunwoo had schedules, Moonbin had plans with friends, while both Sanha and Rocky were at school. It hadn't turned into a fight but they were still laying there with their bodies connected ruffled around the edges.

Mj hadn't thrown the hissy fit he wanted to at that line instead he had rolled back over to pout quietly and sleep for a few more hours. There were no schedules today and Jinjin had still doggedly rejected his every plan. So here they were on their one month anniversary with no plans. He pretended not to notice when Jinjin slipped out of their bed, that they had started sharing almost as soon as they started dating and pouted more. Of course he couldn't really ignore it when he instantly missed the warmth and presence of his boyfriend mad or not. But he decided he was still going to pout for at least another twenty minutes.

He thought about what Moonbin had said just yesterday and what his own thoughts had led him to. There was no way Jinjin hadn't plotted something. But he wasn't going to ruin it for him by calling him out on it. He wasn't sure how long he laid there but it couldn't have been long when he heard the door open again it was Jinjin obviously and he was carrying something with him that dragged the floor from the sound of it. He didn't look over instead pretending he had actually fallen back asleep. Jinjin probably knew better but if he wanted him up he would say so.

A long moment of silence passed and then he was noisily tossing the blanket aside to peer over the bed at whatever Jinjin had brought into the room. He raised an eyebrow at the very large stuffed bear that now sat in the corner. It had a large bow around it and it was adorably fuzzy. "What's with the bear?" Mj looked over at Jinjin who was pulling clothes for both of them from the drawer his bare back enticing him as he bent over. 

"It's a gift, the manager just dropped it off in the living room this morning. It's for Sanha from one of his fans. I guess he didn't have time to move it this morning." Jinjin shrugged looking at Mj over his shoulder. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"It's huge." Mj sighed it wasn't that it wasn't appreciated but their dorm was small for so many gifts. "I hope he plans to take it home." He was still feeling pouty as he watched Jinjin's back. There was an idea forming though in the back of his mind and he didn't feel the need to hold back. "Want to shower together?" 

Jinjin whirled to look at him with a wink. "Why do you think I'm getting your clothes out. Now get down here." He smiled widely and Mj felt a little bit like an ass for pouting about plans when they were at least able to be together now. So he did as Jinjin said with little complaint enjoying the way his boyfriend watched him descend the ladder, his eyes scanning over his backside with pure enjoyment. 

Mj had to swallow hard though when they entered the tiny shower together, it wasn't the first time they had done so. But back then Jinjin hadn't, or well Mj supposed he might have, been aware of Mj's feelings. Either way he found that he was more distracted now knowing he could reach out and touch the other male beside him. 

Yet Jinjin looked unbothered as he began washing so he followed suit. Trying to draw his eyes away from the water cascading down a very fit chest. Or the way the water streaked down thick thighs, running over a very tempting ass. It only took him three mintues to have Jinjin pressed against the wall, his hard cock pressing into tan skin. 

The only response had been a light chuckle before Jinjin was pulling him closer shifting their bodies so they were still under the hot spray of the shower. Then their lips were connected as hands worked their way down his back and Mj was left moaning at the feeling of water pressure paired with the shorter male's nails. 

"Jinjin," He found himself moaning thrusting against a solid hip, until he found the right position to have their cocks pressed together. "Can I.." He swallowed back his words nervous. He hadn't taken him before even though it was all he thought about he hadn't the nerve to ask even now. Even with Jinjin pressed up against him, and his back against a wall he still found it difficult. Working his hand around he pawed at a prefect ass. 

"Myungjun if you don't do whatever is you're wanting I'm going to be very uspet." Jinjin growled into his ear slowly thrusting his hard cock into Mj's creating friction even with the slick slide of wet flesh against wet flesh. 

Mj swallowed thickly again and pulled away to see that Jinjin's smile was gentle, but hungry. He grabbed the hidden bottle of lube he left in the shower for long nights of pining and motioned for Jinjin to turn around. He was surprised when his boyfriend only smirked at him and did as he was told. Spreading both his legs and his arms as he jutted his hips out. 

The throbbing of his cock intensified at the thought of being inside the perfect man in front of him. He paid it no mind as he settled between the outspread legs, hands following the path of the water as he rained open mouthed kisses down the tan back. His fingers teasing the tight ring of muscle, using his body as a shield he prepared his boyfriend.

"Jinwoo...I love you. You're doing great." He found the sweet words fell from his lips at each spot of tension. Feather light kisses followed by a strong soothing stroke of his free hand. When Jinjin started moaning he felt his knees go weak with desire. The simple shift of his fingers drawing out long moans of his name. Mj knew if he wasn't already red from the heat of the shower that last moan would have done it. 

Even so he kept stretching until powerful hips were thrusting back on his fingers. When begging began falling from well kissed lips he finally gave into the throb in his own groin. Lining himself up he watched Jinjin's face as he looked back him. Readiness and hunger, but most of all love in his eyes as he readied himself. The groan that followed the first inch sounded like it was painful and Mj almost stopped. But then fingers clenched into fists against the wall and more begging ensued. 

With a hard thrust Mj encased himself and the moan that echoed around the room was his own. It was everything he thought it would be and more. It was tighter than a girl, and the way Jinjin's panting breaths sent shivers down his spine left him breathless. He leaned over kissing a tight shoulder blade, sweet nothings ready on his lips. Hands roaming the chest underneath him, tweaking nipples and caressing abs. Fingers brushing against a softening cock. He took it in one of his hands stroking it in time with the water still falling down their backs.

Mj wasn't sure how long he stayed like that before he thrust softly, still inside. He groaned into a shoulder blade and the room was filled with more begging. He quickly gave in steadying the hips before him with his hands as he pulled back to thrust in. Softly so as not to push Jinjin's face into the wall. He kept the pace slow taking in every new sensation as he thrust in, he let one hand wander downward once he was certain Jinjin wouldn't fall forward. His hand finding a weeping cock to stroke with every thrust.

Mj felt like they were skirting the edge at his slow pace, the moans echoing around their bathroom growing louder and more demanding. Yet even when the begging joined the echoes he still kept his pace. Kisses covered a wet back, as he realized he wanted to see Jinjin when he lost it. He needed to see him lose control and let go. At that thought he started moving pulling out to pull the shorter up lifting him, with effort against the wall before slamming into him again. 

The resulting noise was somewhere between a moan and a groan as Jinjin's back hit the cold tile and he simultaneously found lips pressed into his. Mj found a faster pace as he stared into dark hungry eyes. He found himself unable to keep from kissing all over Jinjin's face to prevent himself from leaving a hicky. There were hands pulling him closer creating friction for the hard cock trapped against his chest, while they still ran the course of his back. "I'm so close." He moaned into Jinjin's ear nibbling the outer shell. 

"Me too." Was Jinjin's breathy response as his hands found purchase on Mj's forearms. "Faster.." He moaned into the following kiss and Mj obliged tumbling them over the edge.

For a moment they stood there connected and panting cum already washing down Mj's chest as Jinjin was filled. There was silence for a moment then they exchanged slow kisses and pulled apart. As they actually cleaned themselves Mj peppered soft kisses over tan shoulders. He felt bad for cumming inside.

"So what now?" Mj asked eyeing his boyfriend as he dried his hair, Jinjin was doing the same as they dressed.

"Well since we're off the hook today I thought we could go out to eat." Mj fell even more in love looking at the lopsided grin on Jinjin's face as he finished. "It's not something we get to do by ourselves all that much." 

Mj smiled at that more often than not it was them going out as a group which he loved. And before that most of them only went out for convenience store food as pairs. Unless it was when Jinjin or one of them needed to unwind. "Do you have a place in mind?" He countered looking at the casual clothes his boyfriend had picked for him. And he knew that he had planned it all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everytime I update this I wonder if there's an end in sight. How to even end it. I really can't think of one.
> 
> (Finally got around to edits. Yay!)


	14. Did this become a legit fic?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like sometimes I wonder how much of my own personality slips through when I'm writing. I have heard it slips through a lot from one reader in particular and I tend to wonder.

Mj looked around the place that Jinjin had drug him to and wondered if maybe his boyfriend truly had lost his mind. It was little more than a food cart situated in a small park that consisted of mostly bushes. It was more than obvious that hardly anyone visited this place and it would soon return to what it used to be. The food from the cart wasn't even to be considered good and the amount of grease was going to kill their diet for the next few days. But Jinjin was smiling and Mj wasn't going to complain that much as he paid for the odd fare and they made their way to a secluded area. Well more secluded than the rest of the open bushy walkway. It was a small table nestled in between some rather tall and rather ugly hedges that needed a good trimming.

As they sat down Jinjin looked around the small area with a serious face and Mj wondered what his boyfriend was thinking again. It was obvious he had something to say as he took a bite of the food, not even flinching like Mj had at the flavor. It wasn't the worst thing he had eaten, after all he'd eaten his own failed cooking several times now. Yet the fact remained it was far from the standard he had somehow gotten accustomed to. 

"So how did you know about this place?" Mj asked after a prolonged silence, it would have been a comfortable silence anywhere but here. While the place wasn't awful it was far from what Mj was used to. It gave off the vibe of a place that those who were suffering would flock to either to pity themselves or to not be found. He forced himself away from finishing those thoughts though as Jinjin's eyes met his. They were downcast now and not nearly as happy as they had been as if he were recalling something unpleasant.

"I found it when I was younger, I wandered by one time when I was feeling...down about everything." Jinjin's eyes were focused on something else as he spoke and Mj found himself sitting up to listen. It wasn't that he didn't know what it was like to feel down, to feel worthless, and that all of your efforts were for nothing. They had all been there, and after his failure at JYPE this place might have been much more welcoming than it was now. "The food was cheap," The shorter male laughed and the mood shifted as something heavy in the air broke at the sound. "It isn't good but it was enough. The owner of that cart helped me, has helped many people through hard times." The smile was back and full of fondness as Jinjin looked over at the cart still barely visible over the hedge.

Mj nodded as he listened encouraging his boyfriend to go on. He hadn't heard about any of this before even in all the years they had known each other there were still things to learn about the other members. Things they didn't want to share, things they hadn't thought to share, or even just things that hadn't come up. He wanted to know all of them about Jinjin, had wanted to know for a very long time now. 

"The cart owner sometimes comes to check back here to make sure that her customers are okay. Or if you're looking like you need someone to talk to she'll listen as you eat at the cart. It happened a long time ago now but she listened to me and helped me see that my dream was worth pursuing." Jinjin swallowed thickly as their eyes met and Mj felt like he was about to say something very important. "I came back here the night before we got together. Just to remember what she had told me then a little more clearly." He paused again eyes looking down at the plate that was filled with his half eaten portion. "Mj I know we're already dating but it was all really rushed..." 

Mj felt his heart suddenly leap into his throat and his chopsticks dropped with a plopping noise back onto his plate without his consent. Everything was narrowed down to Jinjin's lips and the words that were stalling there as he played with his food. He both dreaded and looked forward to the words that were going to come out. They could only go one of two ways but he couldn't be sure which as the shorter male still wasn't looking at him. 

"I've been thinking about it since then and..." Jinjin paused in fiddling with the food on his plate taking a deep breath as he looked up, their eyes locking instantly. "I think it's about time I ask you out properly." Another deep breath and then Jinjin was pulling something from his pocket roughly the size of a ring box. "I know we can't wear them together often or anything but I wanted to have them." He pushed the box forward and Mj tried to restart his heart as he pulled his eyes away from deep brown to look at the offering. "If you don't like it I can still return it and we can get something different. I figured if it was plain enough no one would notice if we wore them together at least once. They aren't exactly the same." 

Jinjin was still talking but Mj found he couldn't hear a thing as he let out the deep breath he had been holding, his heart still hammering away in his ears. With a shaky hand he picked up the small box and opened it to peer at the contents. It was a small slip of a ring pure black, and a lot like the bands they wore to protect their fingers. Except when he picked it up there was an engraving inside that simply read 'Heart' in English. It was then that Mj noticed a similar but wider ring on his boyfriend's finger, not the ring finger but the pointer. He looked at the ring again and realized it would fit his left ringer finger. The symbolism wasn't lost on him and he felt the tears in his eyes as he finally looked back at Jinjin, who was now in full panic mode. He was going on about if he didn't like it and he was sorry, and begging him not cry. 

Mj figured the best response was to slip the ring on his finger and lean over to plant a very soft and quick kiss on his boyfriend's lips. Pulling back quickly to make sure they were still alone, as the other male finally stopped talking. He knew his grin was lopsided and too large for his face at the moment but Jinjin's was quickly growing to match. "In case you're wondering that's a yes, and I love it." He allowed himself to be smug at making the other speechless if only for a moment before shoving more of the food, that suddenly didn't taste as bad into his mouth. For a few minutes they sat there with stupidly large grins as they ate horrible food at a secluded table surrounded by ugly hedges. And to Mj everything felt right with the world. 

As they were leaving he had a sudden thought looking at the ring on Jinjin's finger. If his was engraved the other had probably gotten his done as well. "What does your say?" He didn't elaborate but he knew he didn't need to as they walked closely down the sidewalk and back into civilization as Mj knew it. He was also curious about the story he told the shop he was buying it from, but then he knew there were shops that catered directly to idols and their need for privacy in romantic matters. The rings weren't that expensive though he wasn't bothered by that. Most idols preferred their couple items to be on the cheaper side so they blended in better as everyone was too caught up in brands.

"Oh it says 'My' in English." Mj spotted the dusting of pink on Jinjin's cheeks and smiled even more. The fact the ring was worn on his pointer finger to point to his ring was cute. The fact it was specifically engraved to point out that Mj was his heart made him want to tear up again at the cuteness. It was simple, subtle, and perfect for their career. No one would question the placement and no one would question the engravings figuring they were part of some set they owned and didn't like the other piece to if they saw them. No one would know. 

"You're adorable." Mj leaned a little closer than he should have to say it and then pulled back quickly spotting some of their fans. He put on his act of being the cuter one and Jinjin followed suit as they walked to wherever Jinjin was taking them next. Which turned out to be a movie theater. "You're a really cliche date aren't you?" Mj joked as they took their seats he wasn't unhappy with the selection and in the back of his mind he almost wished the others could join them. Not because he wasn't having fun, but so he could be more touchy as them being together as a group allowed him to get away with more. He let those thoughts fade away with the plot on screen as he watched. 

The walk home was much like the walk to the theater filled with people on the streets. When they made it back to the dorm everyone else was home and they all gathered around to talk about their days. A prep talk for the schedules tomorrow and then they were all being ushered to practice for a few hours. Even if there were no schedules they tried to practice as much as possible when they were all able to be together. The practice turned longer than expected to no one's surprise and with few complaints. By the time they all got back to the dorm they were exhausted. Somehow though even with this Mj felt like this had been the best anniversary. 

"Happy anniversary" Jinjin whispered as they settled into bed placing a small kiss on the ring that was still on Mj's finger, he'd refused to take it off for the day. Their roommates were still showering as they cuddled up. They had showered first as they had been told repeatedly to get themselves situated before the others climbed into bed so it didn't shake when they moved. Or make weird noises that made them think things were happening that had better not be going on while they were in the room. 

"Happy anniversary." Mj smiled as he repeated after his boyfriend into a soft shoulder already half asleep by the time he felt another kiss this one on his temple. He knew that his dreams were going to be warm and fuzzy. The ring on his finger was warm now and the ring on Jinjin's finger was cold against his thigh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been posting things on tumblr that I don't deem good enough to make into my stories thus far. I think it's working out.  
> (Edited)


	15. Still not a legit fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really flattered people are still reading this de~stress piece. I know it's all over the board. It will probably stay that way. 
> 
> Mostly thank you for reading even if you don't comment. I'm horrible at commenting myself. So I understand.

It happened suddenly, without any warning the staff were pulling him aside along with one of the many girl group members in attendance. He recognized her, well sort of he'd seen her dancing before and heard their music. They weren't from his company and Mj could only guess what they wanted from him. She was cute and likely much older than she appeared. He didn't ask though instead watching their managers talk quietly for a moment. He didn't spare her more than a glance as he settled into the chair. She didn't seem to mind as she figeted restlessly. 

After a few moments her soft and sweet voice broke the tension it trembled as she spoke. "Are you in a relationship?" Her eyes didn't meet his as he finally looked at her fully. She was shaking with nervousness. He found himself sitting up straighter. 

"I am." Mj thought of Jinjin's face, the wide beaming smile he had given him this morning after waking up and the way his hands had played in his hair. He swallowed thickly at the thought of anyone other than the members knowing. He hadn't even told his family yet, for fear of their fans finding out. The company was working with them but they weren't against pairing them up with girls in the public eye. He recalled when Jinjin had to flirt and ignore him. He looked over at the managers and back at her. It must be his time. "Are you?"

A nod was her only answer and he didn't ask anymore. They only set these up when it was a same sex relationship involved. The question was whose relationship it was. He knew Jinjin and him had been careful even just the other day he'd gone out alone with Sanha. And they hadn't heard any rumors online more than the normal shippers and their theories. Which were even more far fetched than the truth more often than not. He looked at her again and she smiled sheepishly. She introduced herself and he returned the greeting. His insides were suddenly cold as their managers smiled at them. 

The meeting was over in time for the broadcast and Mj now felt sick to his stomach. He had been instructed to basically ignore Jinjin and pay attention to the girl they had selected. The first intentional snub hurt like a spike in his heart. The flirting wasn't easy, it wasn't something he did. It wasn't so bad but it hurt his heart to do it. What hurt the worst was the look in Jinjin's eyes. The slow understanding was painful to watch but he was glad when he saw it dawning on his boyfriend's face even when the members looked at him like he had grown a second head. 

He wasn't able to let down until they were safely tucked away in the van. Sanha and Moonbin had been the first to question him but he had no answers to give. He couldn't exactly tell them that he was going to go on a date with this girl one day in the future to ensure he could continue dating the love of his life. It was Jinjin that answered them. A simple cold cut truth about their industry that weighed heavily on them as they drove to the next show. 

Mj went to apologize only to find a finger to his lips and his hand being squeezed. It didn't make him feel better but he was glad that Jinjin understood just as he had when their roles were reversed. He kissed his boyfriend's forehead softly and they drifted to sleep snuggled up for the car ride just thankful for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm wiped from the last chapter of The X Clan.


	16. I know you're here for the smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually started this before last chapter and got lazy... As you can see this took a lot of work.
> 
> But really these kinda things are why this even got written. I re~read it all yesterday and I was blown away by own consistency for something I wasn't trying to be consistent with. (It's what I'm pickiest about with my writing. Yes, I'm saying I'm proud of myself.) I may go back and edit typos later. When I'm not being lazy. Or sick again like right now. (Why am I sick again?)

Mj wasn't sure how he had talked his boyfriend into this but here they were. Or maybe it was really the other way around and he had been talked into this. He couldn't remember and right now it was more important to remember how to breathe. Which from the gulps of air he found himself taking he seemed to be failing at. He certainly hoped Jinjin wasn't going to give him shit for this later, but judging from the red on his cheeks he wasn't as calm as he was trying to act when he stepped out of the bathroom. Which was what had led to Mj's current lack of oxygen supply. 

It had all started a few days ago when Jinjin had 'rediscovered' his photo collection. Or more accurately caught him in the act while Jinjin was at a meeting that wasn't supposed to be over until much, much later. Mj had the dorm to himself and well he hadn't looked at that one photo in a very long time it felt like. One thing lead to another which lead to Jinjin fucking him into the bed, rather aggressively, as he'd been so turned on by finding his boyfriend jacking off to his pictures. Afterwards they had talked about it and now they were here even if he wasn't quite sure how or whose idea it was. They were in their shared hotel room one day before their schedules would officially start and he was already hyperventilating. 

He had suspected something was up when Jinjin had told him to wait for him at the edge of the bed instead of jumping in for the cuddles he was expecting. They did have schedules after all despite the ideas they might have thrown around a few days ago. He hadn't taken them seriously. So he hadn't expected this, hadn't been prepared for this, and he was now wishing he had shed his boxers as well as the rest of his clothes. They were already feeling tight as his hard on made it's presence known. But Jinjin wasn't looking at that, instead looking into his eyes. With cheeks flushed and the long brunette wig swishing around broad shoulders Jinjin slowly made his way to the bed. Mj finally remembered how to breathe as his boyfriend stopped just within arm's reach twirling just enough his skirt slipped upward on his thigh. Mj had to swallow so he could hear the words that followed as they were spoken softly, unsure. "I thought you might like this." 

"Jinwoo" Was the only thing Mj could even think let alone say as he ran his hands over his boyfriends sides, fingers drifting under the t-shirt from their cross dressing stage performance. He was staring up at red cheeks and wide eyes his hands settling on delectable hips pulling the shorter male forward and into his knees. That action seemed to move something in his boyfriend as instead of settling against his fingertips like he thought Jinjin would. Mj instead found himself being moved backwards by strong legs until his knees were touching the mattress. Then powerful thighs were settling onto his own, the blue skirt fanning out around him as he was straddled. Once more he had to learn how to breath as he felt bare thighs against his own. Jinjin hadn't opted for shorts or boxers. 

Jinjin swallowed thickly and Mj watched memorized unable to do anything as he realized his fantasy, the one that had started this whole mess for him was coming true. The next thing he knew his lips were being occupied and the hot body on top of him was leaning forward, arms warped around his neck. It was only as Jinjin pulled back for air, eyes hungry, his lips swollen and his hard cock twitching against a bare stomach that Mj's brain kicked back into gear.

Mj let his hands wander under the shirt again, fingertips tracing the fine lines of muscles underneath as he licked his lips. Jinjin's eyes were closed, cheeks dusted a heavy red from both arousal and embarrassment. "You look delectable." He knew his voice sounded reverent maybe more than it usually did. He couldn't help it, this outfit had starred in more nightly fantasies than he cared to admit. As he pulled Jinjin flush against his chest he could feel his hard cock pressing into him, noticeably lifting the skirt under his forearms. He didn't stop his exploration moving higher as his lips found their way to an exposed adam's apple. He began mouthing it softly, fine hair's of the wig tickling his cheeks. Jinjin's arms tightened around his neck as he moaned unable to move.

"Myungjun..." Jinjin's voice was half plea, half moan and Mj wanted to hear it again. Pulling a hand from under the lithe male's shirt he ran it under the skirt tracing patterns over a thick thigh. His lips moved down the exposed throat with open mouth kisses. His boyfriend was already rubbing himself softly against him, shifting his hips teasingly over his true target. Their breathing was harsh and Mj wondered how he was even going to last as his cock pressed upwards into Jinjin's balls. "Please.." There was a shift and Mj let out a hiss as their cocks connected, the wig tickling his shoulder and face as Jinjin bent enough to push plump lips into the crook of the older's neck kissing and nipping softly at the flesh there. 

Mj thought about giving in for a few seconds as his moans sounded through the room. He didn't instead letting his hand move further up to pinch sensitive, pert nipples. The moans that got him were worth it as his hand under the skirt trailed back to a bare ass. Squeezing a cheek he allowed a finger to circle around his prize. Jinjin was putty in his lap as he stiffened in surprised excitement only to come back down when Mj pulled his hand back trailing it up muscles on the younger's back instead. "Looks like someone prepared themselves." The red was back on tan cheeks, dark and adorable though no words were spoken. Pulling his boyfriend into a searing kiss Mj reacquainted himself with every inch of smooth tongue, wet cavern, and the moans each sweep of his tongue produced.

As he ran his hands slowly over the willing body before him he felt hands tracing over his bare chest, over every memorized line of sensitivity. Low moans began filling their mouths around dancing tongues, echoing back to them in the small room. Nails lightly drug down his back as he dug his fingers into spots that left Jinjin writhing on top of his lap. He wanted to enjoy this, because who knew when whoever had done the talking into would do it again. When he pulled away panting he resisted the urge to ask for a blow job, it was hard as Jinjin looked down at him. Face framed by long hair, his make-up self done but perfectly simple around his eyes. He rained praises as his lips continued to connect with Jinjin's face, the younger male leaning into his touches. 

Then Jinjin was shifting again impatience radiating off of him as his movements sped up, precum soaking through the skirt. Mj felt a jolt shoot through his cock when dark hungry eyes stared into his, he swallowed thickly unable to say anything. He couldn't wait to be inside the gorgeous man on top of him, from the way Jinjin was rolling his hips into him, creating delicious friction he knew he wasn't alone.

"Myungjun," Jinjin's lips were hot against his collar bone, Mj found his hands settling on lithe hips as he rolled his hips upwards. The skirt still preventing him from seeing more than an outline of the hot, straining cock underneath. "I want you to," Mj felt like he was hanging on every word as the younger male's words came between pants. "To..." The dark red was back on the apple's of his cheeks as he spoke and Mj swallowed again. "To fuck me while I'm wearing the skirt." 

Mj found himself with a serious lack of oxygen again and could only nod wordlessly. Either Jinjin was reading his mind or he was trying to understand his kink. Whichever way it played out he didn't care as he pulled the other down for another searing kiss his mind in over drive. He poured all of his feelings into the kiss as he ground up into the hips he was holding at the right angle for their cocks to crash together. When he pulled away, a string of saliva connecting them he couldn't think of anything hotter than Jinjin in this moment. All of his previous experiences paling in comparison to the need in those dark brown eyes or the love that was surrounding the air around them. 

It felt surreal as he pushed Jinjin up gently manvouring him, onto the bed on his hands and knees. The skirt long enough to cover just below his ass as he bent over. The long brunette wig was tangled as it hung over broad shoulders falling over straight sides. There were no curves that made Mj think of a girl like his fantasies had sometimes provided in the beginning, it was just Jinjin in a skirt. Jinjin in a skirt with his head turned back looking over his shoulder at him ready and waiting. Jinjin who was hiking the skirt up enough to expose himself as he spread his legs further apart wetting his lips in anticipation. Mj decided he didn't need oxygen at all as he looked on at the real deal, it was better than any wet dream he'd ever had.

Even though he knew Jinjin had done the work already he still made sure to double check it was enough. Hand running up a thick thigh lifting the other side of the skirt as his other hand teased the puckered hole, delving in with no warning. The resulting long loud moan had his boyfriend throwing his head back and had him twitching in the boxers he still hadn't shed. He reached for the lube that was over on the night stand, Jinjin must have set it out. Pulling his boxers down just enough he hissed at the contact as the cold gel touched his hot skin. He couldn't resist stroking himself a few extra times than strictly necessary at the sight. His boyfriend didn't seem to mind as he thrust his hips backwards into his fingers, eyes glued to his over his shoulder. "You're so hot." Mj found himself saying only to earn a smug look as the muscles around his fingers tightened. He nearly came.

"Just for that I'm going to be mean." Mj warned pulling his fingers out and lining up. He wasn't telling the truth, he already felt so close and he wasn't even inside yet. Jinjin's cock was leaking onto the towel he had set out without Mj's notice. The first inch was still painful Mj could tell from the way his boyfriend froze up, he always did for that split second before he was moaning. To make it better for him Mj always leaned down to nip at his shoulders or kiss him. Not today though, today he ran his hand up a thick thigh and around taking hold of Jinjin's cock jerking it softly at the same slow pace he entered.

Mj looked down at the still clothed back before him, the wig's thin covering, and Jinjin's nape peeking through. He leaned over to kiss it, arm falling to the side to support himself the hair tickling his forearm. "I love you." He whispered before pulling back with his whole body to thrust in. They were moving as one in no time the pace slow, languid, each wave of pleasure mind numbing as he pressed forward. Strong arms shook at each powerful and slow thrust as he kept going. The skirt still half covering his view of a perfect ass, the shirt riding up to show an equally perfect back that he rained kisses on before yanking the other back by the wig into open mouth kisses. Their tongues dancing in air as his thumb rubbed over the slit of Jinjin's cock. He knew he wasn't going to last that long at this pace, his cock overloaded with pleasure at the friction of tight muscles pressing against him and his senses overloaded with his fantasy come true.

When he came he pulled out, shooting his load onto the towel as he only paused a moment before he flipped Jinjin over onto the clean half with what was left of his strength. He wanted to keep going at the look in his boyfriend's eyes, the unbridled need. Mj knew he couldn't get it up so quickly, his cock flagging between his legs even as his mind lit another fire inside of him. Mj was glad he had said goodbye to oxygen as he swallowed eyes glued to where the skirt had lifted and Jinjin's hard cock still stood erect. The wig was spread out now, framing Jinjin's lithe body like a backdrop on the bed, a tangled backdrop behind tan skin, abs exposed and the image more than he had ever imagined.

He hesitated for a moment and dark eyes looked at him curiously the split second before he made the decision. When he bent down his tongue darting out over the swollen crown of Jinjin's cock he realized the younger male's hands had never been in his hair so fast before. They seemed undecided on pushing him away or pulling him closer as this was the first time Mj had done this. He didn't give the other time to think sinking his lips around the hard appendage. The taste was not quite like he thought it would be as he ran his tongue along the shaft, the veins texture different against the smoothness. The unending moans his actions were met with made the taste worth it as he experimentally sucked, the hands in his hair clenched and un-clenched for a second. He couldn't help looking up to see what his actions were doing as he moved up and down, and he was once more glad he had given up on oxygen. 

Jinjin's eyes were glued to his face and he was panting, propped up on his elbows as he caressed Mj's cheek. The look in his eyes was bliss-ed out in a way he'd never seen before, not quite the same as when he was inside him but not that different. It was intoxicating. Mj felt his cock stir against his thigh as he pulled up, a popping noise following before he leaned down blowing hot air over the crown. Jinjin's head was thrown back and a low groan parted his lips. He couldn't help reaching down to his own cock stroking it slowly as he continued teasing Jinjin's. Soon the moans were words of praise and devotion and that was even hotter. Mj sped up wondering what Jinjin's cum would taste like.

When he found out he wished he hadn't. It wasn't that great but he swallowed it anyway, his head held still as his boyfriend came down his throat. Jinjin's stroked his cheek, praises still falling from his lips along with apologies that Mj only brushed away. His own cock was straining again and even while spent Jinjin looked more than delectable. He felt the familiar jolt of desire down his spine as his cock twitched. It wasn't fair for his boyfriend to always look so fuckable. When their lips met, Jinjin's hesitation subdued in the face of curiosity that had him promising to eat more fruit, it was a slow kiss. Their bodies pressing against each other as they made out. 

"That was..." MJ started fully expecting to have to see himself finish in the bathroom once Jinjin was passed out. He found himself trailing off as he felt something stir against his thigh, his look disbelieving as his boyfriend's face was flushed again for an entirely different reason than embarrassment. When eyebrows were wiggled at him, he could only question if the other was going to be okay for their schedules tomorrow. They had been going easy for a reason other than just enjoyment, the time on the clock told Mj one more round might see them with only three hours of sleep unless they were quick about it. And he couldn't promise himself he would be as he ran his hand over Jinjin's still overly sensitive flesh his own body quivering with the same sensitivity.

"Myungjun I want you." Was all Jinjin said before pulling him into another kiss, hands wandering down Mj's bare chest his own still partially covered. Mj complied easily lifting bared hips enough to squeeze himself in between them his cock lining up with the well used entrance. When he slipped inside after lubing himself up again he hissed at the heat, slickness left over from the first go, he lifted a leg to his shoulder kissing it as he began thrusting. 

The room was filled with moans again, louder and more desperate. Mj's panting breaths filled the small space between Jinjin's legs as he changed positions hitting deeper, at the angle that had his boyfriend clutching the sheets and biting his shirt to keep from screaming louder than the moans. It was all Mj could do to keep himself under control long enough to see them both to completion as he used his whole body to thrust hard and slow. Hands pulling hips towards himself, up and down his cock. It felt like they were one again and he was pulling and pushing until Jinjin was in his lap riding him as they kissed. The wig was somehow still in place even as the skirt caught between them covering Jinjin's cock.

Mj paid the skirt no heed as he took hold the stiff shaft underneath jerking it in time with the slow downward thrusts that were driving both of them over the edge. His lips were glued to broad shoulders between their wet kisses, licks and nips covering the tan skin as Jinjin moaned. He could feel nails down his back, gently scratching at his skin, fingertips caressing over his less than obvious muscles. His own hands drifting from squeezing a firm ass to broad shoulders, caressing everywhere in between. The wig tickling against his bare sides as they moved, the feeling alien but not unwelcome. He felt himself nearing the edge as he listened to the noises Jinjin was making, the soft grunts of his own following them in echos around the room. 

Mj realized they were probably going to get yelled at tomorrow by everyone who slept near them. They hadn't bothered to be quiet. Sanha and Rocky probably wouldn't look them in the eye for hours, while Moonbin and Eunwoo would pretend to be un-phased. The managers would scold them. He thought it was worth it as he sucked on that delectable adam's apple again his hands taking over the pace as he shoved Jinjin down as he came, his fingers ghosting over the other's cock bringing him along with him. He didn't care that this meant they would have to wake up even earlier to shower.

They collapsed on the bed, spent and barely able to move more than to clean themselves up enough to sleep, tossing the towel aside and climbing under the covers naked. The wig and clothes were thrown unceremoniously to the side. It wasn't like they couldn't wake themselves up for once to save their members or managers the sight. Even as they lay there drifting into the post bliss cuddles they enjoyed Mj couldn't stop exclaiming how amazing it had been. Jinjin agreed with him if only sleepily as he moved closer, legs tangling together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished one of Vonseal's fics and they always make me want to write fluffy. Even though I'm not very good at pure fluff anymore. 
> 
> But um.. like seriously I want to write something cute and cringey. But I hate writing cute and cringey so...I'm tapped for ideas. Anyone got any? Preferably Myungjin but I'm branching out into Binu?
> 
> Edits done. Btw this and the first chapter are my favorites so far.


	17. I just wanna crawl back in bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys probably didn't know but I do a lot of my typing at work. Which is where I'm stuck right now :'( I just wanna sleep!
> 
> Also just because I figured it needed said at some point. This is an Au of sorts. Because there will be promotions, shootings, and overall idol things that Astro has not done. And might not do. As it stands they are only alluded to events.

The scolding wasn't anywhere near the level Mj had been expecting when they did finally leave their room the next day. Despite waking up an hour before they had to after getting around, showering, hiding the evidence, and being presentable, they were still an hour behind everyone else when all was said and done. Which was more what they were getting scolded about then their activities the night before. Mj thanked the hotel for having thicker walls than he had expected. Jinjin next to him looked just as grateful as he took his own earful over an easy breakfast on location.

The location was pretty Mj was willing to admit as he looked at the place they would be shooting today. It wasn't really any different from where they normally did photo shoots, minus being a different country and all. It was pretty though because they knew how to dress each member in a way that was appealing and the lights weren't quite as harsh. Even Sanha didn't look as much like the childish maknae Mj saw him as. 

When they were finally done shooting and wandering the street for lunch was when Sanha decided to strike. Claiming he hadn't spent any real quality time with him since over a month ago. Of course Mj knew what he was saying, they all knew what he was saying. But Mj didn't put up much of a fuss as he allowed himself to be drug from store to store with his wallet of less limited funds in tow. It was nice Mj conceded as he watched Sanha bounce around a moment before joining him. It was nice to just be a person sometimes. There were still a few lurking Aroha here and there, no where near as bad as back home. 

Sanha seemed to enjoy letting loose as well as it took him hours to calm down enough to settle into a meal. Finally quiet as he studied the surroundings with a wary eye. Despite his age Mj knew that Sanha was bright, and he knew that in the future Sanha would go places. 

"Hyung..." Sanha's voice was quiet and Mj glanced over at him from over his food blowing on it softly. It was still hot as they had just been served. The look on his face was serious and Mj wondered how long the maknae had been wanting to ask him this question. It had probably been awhile considering how far he took him away from the other members who were spending their time separately as well. Eunwoo and Jinjin had gone off together with Moonbin and Rocky finding their own ways to go. Mj nodded instead of asking though seeing the question forming behind adorable eyes. "How did you know you were in love with...? I mean compared to...." Sanha trailed off unable to finish the thought as red over took his cheeks.

Mj paused in his ministrations to his food finally and thought about the first time he'd fallen in love. Before Jinjin and before he became an idol. The feelings that had bloomed in his chest around Sanha's age. The feelings that were more fleeting and less serious when he compared them to how he felt now. They were different for many reasons. The feelings had felt strong in the past, but desperate. They had been needy and based on things that didn't really matter. He wondered why Sanha would ask. "Well it changes depending on the situation. Why do you ask?" He half expected Sanha to balk and take back his question, which if he did he'd give him a simple answer as he obviously wasn't ready to discuss love yet then. 

"I've been thinking about it since I've seen the look in your eyes lately when you look at us, and when you look at..." Sanha trailed off even though there was no need to. They were now the only ones in the joint but Mj appreciated it none the less. "I know there's different types of love." Sanha rushed to explain his hands thrown up and his voice loud. Mj could only smile at him. "I was just curious how you knew it was different." 

Mj studied Sanha a little closer but he didn't see anything different about the maknae, and if he had a little crush it was to be expected. He had seen him eyeing some of the girl groups a little closer lately. He was at that age even if as his hyung he wanted him to stay small and innocent forever he knew it wouldn't last. "Well...I love you, all of you like my brothers." He made sure that his eyes connected with Sanha's as he spoke, his voice serious. "I know that you were probably taught that love is somewhere in between wanting to spend all your time with someone and wanting to have them all to yourself." When the maknae nodded he continued. "It's not wrong but it's a little more than that. When you love someone you're going to want all of their time, you will. But just like with you I want to see you happy, all the time even when I'm not with you. Love is a little bit like wanting to see you happy all the time that's family love at it's core. When it's romantic..." 

Mj paused and looked down at his food. There were some things he really didn't want to say to their maknae even if he was old enough to hear them. But he was the hyung and he was asking for a reason. He took a deep breath. "When it's romantic love the feeling of wanting to see them happy is the same. But you also want them to be happiest with you, you want them to want to spend all their time with you. To do more than just the skinship things we're used to doing as idols. And to do them because they want to." Mj noticed Sanha was nodding but not looking at him anymore a slight dusting of pink on his cheeks. 

"I mean if we weren't idols it's not quite the same as the skinship we do would be absent. Sometimes it might make things confusing, I know I've been there." Mj saw the light go on in Sanha's face as if that had been the issue. As if the problem he had been struggling with was solved. "It's okay to do skinship even if you don't like someone as an idol, it's what we're paid for." Mj went on and Sanha nodded. "Sanha it's okay for you to not like it either okay? Even with us if you don't want to just say so." 

"Thanks hyung." Sanha beamed a smile at him and Mj sighed and waited for him to explain before he had to ask. "I was just...feeling a little mixed up about a few feelings I was having towards someone..." He hesitated and Mj realized he wasn't ready to share everything yet. He just wanted what vague advice he could get. Sanha smiled at him and began eating effectively ending the conversation with his loud eating noises. 

Mj nodded in understanding. That was more than he had expected Sanha to share for the moment. He knew one day soon he would come back for more advice. Once he pieced this bit into the situation. The question was pushed aside by further antics as the day wore on. But Mj wished Sanha luck on his love problems. Whatever they happened to be. 


	18. No one cares what I write here least of all me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say I know where we're going...but that would be a lie. I didn't even intend for Sanha to find a love? Like he wrote himself in here like Moonbin did.

Things had been stressful around the dorm lately. Mj thought it might have to do with the managers being in and out more than normal. Or maybe it was the scandal that had hit another idol for dating their own gender. It was probably that he thought to himself as Jinjin sat three feet away from him now at all times in public dressing rooms, a person or so apart on shows, and at the dorm they were forced to sleep in separate beds. The arrangement of before they started dating was enforced. It was driving him insane and one glance at Jinjin told him it was doing the same to him. But Mj was at least grateful they weren't being forced to flirt with their covers and the company assured them it would all blow over soon.

Or so they had said a week ago. Mj was getting irked. And he wasn't alone. It didn't just affect him and Jinjin who had only three stolen kisses, four hugs, and too many stolen glances to count. He knew he could put up with it better if he could at least hold his boyfriend while they drifted off. He'd never missed someone he was right next to like this in his entire life. 

"It's not so bad." Rocky had tried telling him one day. Rocky had a grimace and he didn't look like he believed himself either as they sat at the table eating breakfast. They didn't have schedules today but the others did. It was a weekend but that didn't mean free time. "It could be worse." Rocky reiterated with a frown into his food. Mj was sure Rocky had seen him whining one too many times while missing Jinjin in his bed. But as he was speaking another manager came in and removed some of their things that they had left from the recent dorm filming they had done. The footage would go up in a few days.

"You're right." Mj sighed because of course he was. They were just on the extra downlow not being told to break up. And they hadn't taken off their couple rings even though they had been wearing them the entire week. "It's just hard to miss someone. I really love him more than even I thought." Looking down into his food he wondered what he was going to do when it came time for military service and what Jinjin was going to do. He could barely make it a week without holding him.

"Hyung it's okay. We know you love him, and we all love the both of you. So don't borrow troubles. I think since they're removing the cameras we can go back to our new sleeping arrangement soon." Rocky was smiling at him and Mj felt touched enough to lean over and pat his head. "Hyung?" Mj only smiled at him before getting up and taking care of their dishes. 

Nothing was resolved but he felt better and when he went to work trying to help write lryics he felt even better. At least with these he could express himself. But he admitted to himself that it wasn't nearly as better as when his phone blew up twenty minutes later from the chat with his members being flooded with the good news that the rumor of the other idols had been snuffed out. 


	19. Well this was supposed to be different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read a fic now I have a sudden desire for vigilante Astro...or maybe it was the Deadpool/Spiderman comic I blazed through today. Or both? 
> 
> Am I crazy or does that sound fun? Or maybe I should just get to the violent parts in The X Clan....
> 
> I promise I'm not doing it! I don't have time cause guess who scored a new job? ME! so updates well...probably not as frequent as they have been.

"It's been three weeks Jinjin can't we just.." Mj knew he was whining he didn't care. He also didn't care that he was being loud or that Eunwoo was giving him the look he usually reserved for when Sanha was being a baby. He wasn't asking for much. Well he wasn't asking for much if they weren't idols. He only wanted to go out on a date with his boyfriend. The rumors had blown over smoothly for the other idols and the scandal all but disappeared from gossip. But even so Jinjin hadn't spent any time alone with him outside the dorm.

Not that he was complaining after they spent almost a whole day in bed making love and just being together. It was nice to have Jinjin back in his bed. Back in his arms at night. And he didn't think his request was that risky. 

"No." It wasn't Jinjin that cut him off or even Eunwoo it was Rocky who had his arms crossed and was glowering. Sanha was beside him sitting quietly, head obviously not in the discussion as he stared at his phone scrolling. Moonbin was beside him doing the same. Mj knew what they were looking at. All the ship tweets, hashtags, and generally disturbing shipper stuff about themselves, and the idol couple who had just escaped the scandal. He'd seen it too.

"It's just shopping!" Mj sighed and looked away from his group members it wasn't that he didn't understand. He had seen how much their ships were growing all of them. And the company was already deciding how they wanted to promote each ship. How much money could be made off their love of each other. It made his stomach churn but it also made his wallet fuller so he never said anything out right. It wasn't like he hadn't known it would be this way. 

"Just shopping alone right now is risky. You've seen the rumors about them and our ships are getting big. Even if it isn't you and Jinjin." Rocky's voice was steady and his concerned tone wasn't lost on Mj. He knew why he worried. He knew why they all worried. Hiding your feelings was easy on camera, when you knew where the camera was. 

Jinjin sighed and Mj looked at his boyfriend in defeat. He knew he was only putting pressure on him too. He felt a twinge of guilt as he played with the ring on his finger. It was the first time he'd worn it in a few days and Jinjin wasn't wearing his. He had been until he saw Mj put his on. And it hurt if only a little because they were only able to wear them so often before it was caught onto. Before it was something that wasn't theirs anymore. 

"I did want to go shopping." Jinjin finally said staring at Rocky who sighed in return then Eunwoo who lowered his eyes. Sanha and Moonbin didn't lift their faces but they were already moving. "So a family outing." Jinjin smiled at them and everyone shuffled to get ready. It wasn't that they didn't enjoy shopping or that they hadn't wanted to get out of the dorm after being on lock down. Mj knew that even as they drug their feet.

"Thank you." Mj said it quietly to no one but they all nodded with soft smiles as they shuffled more earnestly to get presentable. He buried his face in Jinjin's neck as they stood in the living area waiting. The only two who had been prepared to go out before Eunwoo and Rocky had stopped them in concern. Then a group discussion had followed. As he stood there he felt the beginnings of tears pricking his eyes. The things they did for each other always left him weak. The feeling of Jinjin's hand roving up and down his back didn't help matters. But when the members returned he went to thank them sincerely only to be told 'shut up hyung this is what family does'. 

He only felt more grateful as they piled into the van heading towards the nearest mall. His arm was wrapped around Jinjin but his thoughts were on the bonds they'd made as Astro and how truly blessed he felt to have all of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh lots a typos...sorry wrote this on my phone again...always it seems. One day I'll get a nice tablet or something with a keyboard...
> 
> I was thinking of going back and editing more. Because I don't really edit this much. Just letting you know if you see the word count fluctuate that's why.
> 
> I did finally edit so typos fixed. Not my author's notes. Too much work


	20. I'd choose my cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't know how to leave the hard issues alone.
> 
> So anyway without further ado <3
> 
> Okay is anyone else amused by the chapter titles? Is it just me? I even have favorites. This one takes the cake though because legit I'm picking my cat over any idol. Or almost anyone if I'm being honest.

Mj couldn't put words to his frustration. It had been growing throughout the entire interview and now that it was over he couldn't even find a way to express it. It was aggravating and his boyfriend was not helping by easily calming the anger that was trying to raise by rubbing soft small circles into the small of his back. Though it was hard he was able to push the shorter away and stomp grumpily to a chair all the way across the room. It felt like he'd just placed the land mass of China between them but he didn't dwell on it instead crossing his arms and plopping down angrily in the chair. 

"What's wrong with Mj hyung?" He wanted to roll his eyes as everyone in the room could hear Sanha 'whispering' to Rocky about him. He knew it was on purpose and he was trying to find words to express himself, he was. It just wasn't easy. Because there wasn't really anything that was wrong. Not to the idol industry, not their fans, and not to the other groups that were also asked these questions insistently. So insistently they had all sat down with their companies like they had and come up with prerecorded responses for when they weren't feeling up to making one up on the fly. At least in his case as he only had eyes for one very attractive, very male person. 

"He's annoyed." Eunwoo was the one to speak up. His voice dripping with so much exasperation that Mj was whipping his head up from his shoes so fast he didn't notice Jinjin settling next to him in the other chair. He was grateful though when Eunwoo flashed him a knowing smile. "He's not the only one. Those types of questions..." Eunwoo paused looking at Sanha, their 'innocent' maknae. "They are always asking us those kinds of questions but the moment we decide to date, or even look at someone that isn't them it's a scandal." 

Mj suddenly remembered that one of Eunwoo's friends had been caught up in a dating scandal recently. Dating someone who was older than him by a few years and from the same company. He sighed. Answering these types of questions were stressful for everyone not just him. He squeezed Jinjin's hand that he hadn't really registered had ended up in his. "I don't know why they ask. It's not like they can date us either. Nor would they want to. Being an idol is lonely. I don't know what I would do without any of you." He was pulling his boyfriend's hand pressing a gentle kiss against it before looking into each of the members eyes. Because he meant it. Because he wouldn't be anywhere near where he was today without them. 

The silence that fell around the room wasn't deep, not as deep as the words themselves. And Mj wasn't offended by it. His thoughts were theirs. And soon they were changing again for the photo shoot. The topic dropped and they shuffled about their schedules like the idols they were. Surrounded only by each other and staff. A few faces of other groups flitting by in their own world of getting by. Only the older groups were free enough to chat without being rushed and barely then. 

It wasn't until they laid in bed that night, Mj cuddled into Jinjin's chest that he got an answer to his not quite question. He'd been just about to drift off when Jinjin's voice above his head drew him back to wakefulness. "You know Mj I know why they ask us what our type is." He sounded thoughtful and Mj wondered if he had been thinking about it all day. 

"Why then?" Mj tried not to sound grumpy as he thought about the source of his frustration today, watching his boyfriend and his members shuffle awkwardly as they thought of a type was generic but not too generic to offer. It was easier to go with the greasy answer of Aroha, it was easier to not answer at all. There was only one type for him and they were JinJin shaped. 

"It gives them hope." Mj didn't hold back his scoff but Jinjin only continued while pulling him closer his voice low so as not to wake the two below them. "I mean it, Mj it makes them think they could get one of us. Even if they know the chances of us noticing them is slim it gives them hope that we might. Who doesn't like being seen by their idol." Jinjin's voice was sweet and full of something that Mj couldn't put his finger on. But it had him snuggling closer and placing chaste kisses against the skin of his boyfriend's neck. 

"For some of them it's a type to strive towards. I mean I get it." Jinjin's voice was even quieter and Mj found himself straining to hear it. "Before you...and the cross dressing..." Mj sat up looking down at his boyfriend whose blush he couldn't see in the dark but he'd heard it. Jinjin looked away from him in the darkness and Mj leaned down to kiss his forehead. 

"I think I know what you mean." Mj smiled and he felt a fondness in his heart he had never experienced before. If he was in love with Jinjin there was no way the fans wouldn't be and wouldn't want this for themselves. But that didn't explain what Jinjin had been about to say. "But what before?" He smirked down at him and the blush on tan cheeks grew, he was sure from the way the shorter squirmed under him. And he was thankful he was too exhausted for the effects that would cause, for now it was just cute. 

"Before we were dating..." Jinjin wasn't looking at him and Mj just stared down at him harder. "Before you had feelings I sometimes...I sometimes thought about which of the things you said that I had." Jinjin was trying to escape his hold and hide himself in the pillows but Mj wasn't going to allow that and instead pulled him in for kisses. The slow languid kind that were filled with all the love he possessed until Jinjin stopped squirming towards the pillows and was now buried into his side instead.

"I'm certain that's the cutest thing you've ever said." Mj couldn't help chuckling at the tight squeeze that was telling him to shut up that got him. It was worth it. And suddenly those annoying type questions weren't as annoying as they had been. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I stressed or am I just following a semi plot at this point? I don't even know anymore.
> 
> Edited


	21. This is why I'm single

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd written a whole rant here at one point and deleted it. 
> 
> Like I don't know any girl groups sorry not sorry. I mean I know them but like in passing? I like their music but it's a lot of work to learn names. I have my own groups I don't know the members by face. *shrug* I already have like 30+ babies I don't need more. (Did I find more anyway? Yes but that is besides the point)

Mj thought about hiding his surprise when Sanha cornered him after practice for all of two seconds then decided against it. It had been awhile since their maknae had asked him to talk alone and refused to let any of the others tag along. The last time had been when they had been out of the country. It wasn't that they hadn't hung out alone but it was that Rocky had wanted to come and Sanha had told him no.

As they walked the short ways to the small less frequented cafe they used to get away from Aroha, Mj couldn't help studying the taller male. He didn't look nervous or put off by something that would cause him to need to talk. But the air between them was full of tension, the kind that was filled with something not quite wrong but not quite right. They didn't talk, but that wasn't unusual of itself when they were alone. Despite their hyper image when they were alone they were often serious, which was why Sanha came to him. 

It wasn't until they were nestled into a corner booth and their orders in that Sanha spoke. His eyes didn't meet Mj's but he didn't make him look up as he listened. "Hyung..Do you remember when I asked you about love?" Sanha started and Mj nodded slowly knowing he wasn't really looking for an answer. "I think I figured it out. I really like them, but it isn't the same as I thought it was." 

Mj resisted the urge to ask who and what had led Sanha to the conclusion he didn't like them like he thought he had. Instead he waited patiently until the maknae looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back himself and knew that whoever Sanha eventually fell for had better pass every test he threw at them or he wasn't going to date. There was no way he would let anyone near him if it was even a risk of them taking this innocent smile away. 

"I realized that I just liked to be close to them, like I am with you guys. She's cute and so small." Sanha was smiling wider and then he was looking around to make sure no one was listening. "But I didn't really like the idea of being closer to her than I am with you. Like maybe hugging her or something but not..." Sanha trailed off his cheeks red and Mj realized what he meant without him saying more. "Well she's cute." 

Mj smiled again and reminded himself what his own hormones were like at Sanha's age. He would have dated her if it were the him of that time. But Sanha didn't have that kind of luxury. Any dating had to be seriously thought about before it happened especially if she was from the same company. And even if Sanha didn't give him a name he knew who he was talking about it. Though he was going to respect his decision not to mention her by name. "Well that's the important part, knowing how you feel. But did something happen?"

Sanha was blushing again and Mj felt like he had hit the nail on the head. She had probably questioned him about his feelings, it wasn't uncommon really if they were close. It was important to be honest and open in their line of work. Feelings about looks aside it was good for business to know so they could handle things accordingly. It wasn't brought to the company unless the feelings were mutual and they did actually start dating instead of being like some other idols were. Mj sincerely hoped Sanha was not going to be one of those that slept around when he was older. He was going to do his best to make sure that didn't happen. But judging from the way their maknae blushed when talking about this it wasn't something he would have to worry about for a long, long time. And hopefully never.

"She wanted to talk about it." Sanha shrugged as the food arrived he waited until their waiter was gone before he continued. "I told her the truth. I don't think she minded that much she was just curious because I kept calling her cute." Mj nodded encouraging him to go on. "We talked about it...and well she kissed my cheek but it felt like it does when you do it. I think she was a little disappointed by that though."

Mj was sure that she was. He'd seen them interact before and it was easy to see why she would like him but it was also easy to see how he saw her like a sister. It was cute either way. But he listened as Sanha continued to tell him about his girl problems and he felt more like an elder brother than he had in a long time. It was nice. Even as his thoughts drifted away sometimes to his youth and the dumb dating mistakes he had made. It was nice to pass on his advice and his knowledge. And he wondered if one day Rocky would be sitting in this booth with Sanha as they told him about their girlfriends and wives. All while Jinjin and him held hands underneath the table. That was a future he hoped to see. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't blame you if you just started skipping my author's notes. I do that too when author's rant. I didn't think I'd be one but I also thought The X Clan and Dream Walking would be shorter than ten chapters. And here we are. *shrug*


	22. Stop murdering me with fluff Vonseal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I read Vonseal's works I want to write fluffy or down right smutty. There is no in-between. Guess which one you're getting?

Mj groaned as he rolled over only to find the bed empty. It wasn't that Jinjin wasn't still sleeping, no he'd scooted all the way over to the other bed and was currently snoring softly with all of his limbs flailed out and still moving. He was obviously having a weird dream if having kicked his boyfriend was any indication. Mj sighed to himself propping himself up on his elbow on the pillow. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, and by the end of it he would probably get more than a kick in his side. But he couldn't just leave Jinjin that like. And maybe he was a bit cold. 

With more caution than he normally possessed in the mornings he slid his way between the tangle of limbs that were still shifting and settled beside Jinjin's head brushing his bangs back. They weren't slicked with sweat or anything which was a good sign and meant it probably wasn't a nightmare. For which Mj was grateful it wasn't often that Jinjin had nightmares but the few recent times he had, Mj had spent over thirty minutes reassuring Jinjin that they did indeed debut and their PD did not in fact hate them. It had taken a group effort the last time Jinjin had a nightmare. This time though Jinjin was just having another of his odd dreams. Something MJ hadn't learned about Jinjin until they had started sharing a bed if he were honest. Even in all the times they had all slept huddled together he hadn't realized that sometimes Jinjin was such a fitful sleeper.

As it were he looked down at his boyfriend who was already settling down again at the soft touches to his face, as if even in his dreams he realized Mj was there. It was nice and when he wasn't pressed on trying to figure out how to wake him up without waking everyone else he would admit it was really very endearing. Sighing to himself he looked out at the room barely visible in the nightlight glow. They only had them so they could see enough in the room to avoid their messes at night. So he couldn't see his boyfriend well but he could see him well enough to see how cute he looked asleep. He could have grabbed one of their phones to see better as they had both nestled them into a corner while they slept. He hadn't though as it was too early to actually be awake but he'd missed Jinjin's presence in his sleep as well as been awoken by the kick. He thought about just curling into him now but then he had to doge a roving hand.

Looking down at Jinjin after dodging the younger was mumuring something unitelligable and Mj couldn't help but smile. Even though Jinjin had kicked him, and there was a drying drool spot on the pillow he wouldn't want to change anything. As he dodged yet another swipe from Jinjin's hand he thought about the best way to wake him up again and smirked to himself at the sexual things he could do. He wouldn't, not because he'd promised Sanha and Minhyuk but because he liked it when Jinjin was awake and responding to him. Eyes on fire with hunger and filled to the brim with love. Even when they were done and sated the love remained and that was what Mj lived for. Those deep brown eyes that only saw him. 

He only hesitated a moment before shaking a broad shoulder. "Jinjin..." As expected he had to dodge the hand that shot up and the following murmur had nothing to do with waking up the younger and everything do with whatever dream had him shaking his leg again. Mj sighed as he shook harder leaning down to whisper in the other's ear. It took roughly two minutes and several dodges but when Jinjin blearily opened his eyes Mj felt better. "What were you dreaming about it?" He asked as his boyfriend sat up and looked between their usual bed and the one they were on.

"..." Jinjin didn't answer at first instead looking around for clues to what time it was before sighing. "I'm going to be sore later I just know it." Mj resisted giggling and instead nodded because Jinjin had shifted to a few very awkward angles that weren't going to be fun on his body later. "It was about space and some outlaw." Jinjin's answer was little more than a grumble in the older's ear as he draped himself over him, already trying to go back to sleep for the few precious hours they had left. "I was looking for you and some dog thief named Lupin in space. It was weird." 

Mj chuckled as he felt Jinjin's weight lean on him more fully and he maneuvered them into a more suitable position, laying down together with the younger draped over his body as he buried his nose in Mj's neck. It was nice to cuddle as more often than not they were just slightly touching when he woke up. There was never enough time in the day to just cuddle and enjoy having his boyfriend with him. Even if his boyfriend sometimes wasn't a very nice sleeper. "Sounds like a weird dream was the dog at least cute?" Mj kept his voice low and ran his hands through the younger's hair enjoying his steady breathing against his chest. 

"No it was ugly." Jinjin pulled back to look down at him then around the room one more time a little more awake. "I kicked you didn't I?" The voice was more serious and Mj sighed because he knew what was coming. They'd had this discussion after the first time, and it seemed every time since. There was no use in denying it though so instead he just stared up at him letting Jinjin draw his own conclusions. 

Seeing the dawning realization on Jinjin's face Mj pulled him down for a soft kiss, little more than a peck of their lips. "Before you even think about it don't bother. I'm not going to let you sleep on a separate bed just because sometimes you aren't very nice to me in your sleep. You're asleep there's nothing we can do about it. And I'd much rather get kicked than not having you sleeping beside me." Mj smirked at the blush he didn't need to see to know was there, though he could see it just a little bit. "I love you." 

"I love you too..." Jinjin's response was teary eyed and Mj wondered if maybe he had been a little too cheesy for this early in the morning. He'd been honest though and when lips met his, he knew that he was going to get his way. "I'm still sorry though maybe I should sleep over here.." 

"If you so much as finish that sentence I'll kick you. Now go back to sleep." Mj pulled him down on his chest kissing the side of his forehead softly. It didn't take long for Jinjin to be out of it, body still draped over his. It didn't take nearly as long to fall asleep with Jinjin with him than it did without Mj decided as he closed his eyes wishing for better dreams than Jinjin had been having for both of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd say I'm sorry... but I'm not. I really love fluff <3 
> 
> At this point I've read almost everything in the Myungjin tag. I'm tempted to go back and leave constructive criticism... But I know I'd make some cry because I lack tact. I want to help people but god I can't even help myself. *cries over missing words*


	23. Motha' Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm super stressed. If I've never said this before just for the record nothing stresses me out like money does. Not even my writing or if you were to tear me down. I wouldn't stress like I do when it comes to money. It's gotta be a Taurus thing.
> 
> Side note after this chapter we will be surpassing the most chapters I have ever written. I feel like Sam when he left the Shire <3

It had been over a week since Mj got enough alone time to think about anything other than Astro. Not that he was complaining because he loved his group, he loved his members, and he especially loved their leader. Yet there were days where he wanted to do nothing but spend time on his own. With his own thoughts, even without his boyfriend. To just delve into the things he loved that weren't music related. 

Today he had the dorm to himself and he was going to take advantage of it. So he got to pulling out all of his stockpiled art supplies, some from previous V-lives others he'd bought himself. And one very small set he'd gotten as a gift from his members for some event or another. He'd kept them squirreled away for so long he'd almost forgotten about them. Looking at the blank canvas in front of him he let his mind wander over what the year had brought him and what it was to bring. He could only find his thoughts on the members and the concepts they had done. 

With a smile he picked up his pencil and began to sketch out the few things he wouldn't mind painting. He wasn't sure how long he spent focusing only on his work. Everything else fading away as if this was all that existed. It was a nice feeling. The feeling of floating away from all the stress of being an idol. From all the stress of hiding his love from everyone. And from the stress of trying to plan something for their anniversary which was coming up around the corner. Something Jinjin wasn't going turn down.

"What are you working on?" It would be a lie to say he didn't jump when he felt arms circle around his waist and a chin land on his shoulder. But he leaned back quickly finding comfort in the company. 

"Are you trying to scare me to death?" Mj huffed instead of giving in immediately as he scanned over the work before it him. It wasn't done but it was coming together nicely. Nicely enough he could leave it at this for a stopping point until the next time he needed some peace and quiet. "I thought your meeting was supposed to run longer?" He set down his tools as the arms around he waist loosened. When he turned around Jinjin was giving him a look, a look that was reserved for when they were completely alone. Mj would definitely be lying if he were to say he wasn't interested in what that look was offering. 

"I made sure to come home early." Jinjin shrugged and Mj pulled off his smock and arm covers. The supplies could wait the jolts down his spine could not.

Easily slipping himself into Jinjin's arms again Mj studied his boyfriend's face even as his hands drifted into the younger's back pockets pulling him forward with a squeeze. The appreciative noise that got him made him smirk. "I love you." He wasn't sure why he'd said it, staring into dark hungry eyes but he'd meant it. He wasn't sure he'd ever meant it more. 

"I love you too." Jinjin's voice was soft, his lips weren't and Mj squeezed again before pulling back taking his boyfriend by the hand and leading him back to their room. They had their clothes off before they reached the top bunk. Hands everywhere and something felt different.

Mj couldn't put his finger on what though as he felt hands drifting up and down his chest. His own hands digging desperately for the lube they kept hidden up there and the tissues. When his hands landed on Jinjin's shoulders their bodies pressed together as he took in the sight he realized what it was. The difference was they were walking the line of getting caught. The other members were going to be home soon. When he voiced that though Jinjin just winked at him and pushed his hands up above his head.

Jinjin only continued to take his time teasing him, fingers tracing over every sensitive spot his eyes following their actions. Mj was struggling to keep up as Jinjin kept his hands pinned above them, their lips locked. Then they were shifting and he was on his knees with Jinjin gently preparing him, soft touches and kisses along his back. 

When they were finally moving Mj was already so close. He'd bit back his moans into the pillow, the slow pace driving him over the edge. When he looked back though he could tell Jinjin was close too. And when he was done he was pulling them together pulling Mj closer. 

"What came over you?" Mj asked as they lay there, still naked and probably in need of a shower with maybe ten minutes left before the others came storming through the door. 

"I just...watching you paint." Jinjin nuzzled into Mj's shoulder and he couldn't resist running his fingers through sweaty hair. "You're beautiful Myungjun, and sometimes it just hits me how lucky I am." 

Mj blushed and felt himself melting just a little on the inside. They weren't a cheesy couple, they didn't have much of the luxury to be so. What with all of their texts, chats, and interactions being closely monitored by the company or the possibility of it being leaked to fans how could they be. It wasn't safe beyond these four walls. "I think we're both lucky." Mj settled on after a moment of thought his hand not stopping, and he could hear Jinjin's steady breathing beside him. Probably only seconds from sleep now. 

"Well I know for sure you're lucky." Jinjin snorted with a chuckle and Mj smirked the moment broken. But he didn't mind, not really. As long as Jinjin was still here lying next to him, loving him then everything was perfect. Even if he heard the dorm door opening and he knew they were going to get yelled at for throwing their clothes everywhere not to mention the screaming and screeching of uncalled for proportions. All for them being naked, and obviously just having sex. "I don't think we're lucky." Jinjin rolled into him further and sighed heavily complaining about how Eunwoo was going to scold them again. 

Mj could only laugh at that. Then began the screeching and screaming when Sanha came into the room, instantly understood what happened and slammed the door. But Mj smiled he had started the day wanting some time to himself but he realized, as Jinjin muttered into his ear about getting up and facing the consequences, that this was what he wanted all along. His family, loud and annoying as they were sometimes.

A reprieve was nice. But this was what he lived for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read to this point you deserve a kudos.


	24. Here we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this I had no idea this would break my chapters written record. But here we are. *shrug* I hope you're still enjoying this like I am.
> 
> I'm actually really surprised at how many readers I have. I'm floored. I know this is junky and in need of major edits.

Mj had to bite the inside of his cheek more than once today and he would be lying if he said it wasn't getting on his nerves. They were learning a new dance and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get his eyes off of Jinjin in the mirror. He had already caused them to take a break four times in the last three hours because he could barely look away and ended up tripping over his own feet. His boyfriend had only smirked at him while the others had rolled their eyes. It wasn't the first time they had to deal with their hyungs being unable to keep their brains out of the gutter. 

It didn't stop the maknae line from teasing or Eunwoo from sighing heavily every time it happened. Mj was just as upset about it as they were if he were being honest with himself. He thought he could handle it. But a lot of his moves landed him right behind his boyfriend who kept rolling his hips in the thrusting motions Aroha loved. He loved them too in a different context and behind closed doors. Not for the first time he wondered how he was going to survive their future sexier comebacks if he couldn't even handle this.

They had talked about it, as a group. Though until this comeback it hadn't been as much of a problem. And it wasn't a problem when it was more than just the six of them in the practice room. Something about knowing his every move was being watched prevented him from glancing at Jinjin every three seconds. He just couldn't recreate that feeling now, when it was just them.

"Let's stop for today." Jinjin finally called it after the fifth trip up in an hour. The look his face wasn't nearly as irritated as Mj knew it should be. Instead it was resigned and a little pink around the edges. Eunwoo took one look at it and rounded on Mj with a hard look.

"You." It had been awhile since Eunwoo's voice has sounded this angry and Mj couldn't help but think he deserves the ire. This was all of their dream and he was going to end up blowing it if he couldn't keep it together. But instead of the lecture Mj was expecting Eunwoo only sighed and his hard eyes softned. "I know you guys haven't gotten much time together lately due to our schedules but I want to be able to enjoy the time we have together as a group too. This is our dream. And I don't want to risk it because you can't get your head out of your pants." No one moved and for a moment there was silence. Then Eunwoo sighed turning on his heel towards his bag. "I'm sorry Mj but it needed to be said. You aren't alone here, we love you and want to continue on with you until the end." 

Mj could only nod there was no apology he could make and no platitudes he could offer. Instead as they all got ready to leave he didn't move. Even when Jinjin was giving him that look, the one that said it was okay, and Eunwoo gave him the 'you know I'm right but sorry to point it out' look. He got back into position and reminded himself that even as the main vocal it was important to dance. He wasn't as gifted as the others sometimes but he surely wasn't going to let it bring them down.

He didn't return until late and when he snuck into bed Jinjin was fast asleep. He couldn't help but smile at the way the shorter male shifted to cuddle into him even in sleep. As he stroked Jinjin's hair he swore to himself that he was going to protect their dream, Astro's dream from himself.

When morning rolled around to a packed schedule once more Mj made time to apologize to the others over breakfast. They nodded it away in understanding. But he wasn't going to just apologize instead when it came to practice he was going to show them he could focus. He'd been doing it all along, just somehow he'd gotten lax. And when they finished an hour earlier than expected without too many slip ups, none of them from looking at his boyfriend, he took them out to a meal.

Jinjin sat beside him his hand on his knee as they talked about the stages they wanted to perform on. Eunwoo was beside him smiling and cheerful. Moonbin, Sanha and Rocky were on the other side of the table and they were already shoving their mouths full the moment the food arrived. And it was everything Mj wanted. It wasn't just his dream he was chasing and sometimes he had to remind himself that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg Dream Walking is done! Yay! I hope everyone read it too! I'm allowed to self promote right? 
> 
> Either way I start my new job soon so updates...well we'll see what happens. I'm going to try and focus on The X Clan for now. It still has a long ways to go. I'll try to squeeze out some more Myungjin too though.


	25. Last chapter was supposed to be smut oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys...Like I now have to stay up to 7am...The time I am used to waking up at. And go to work when I was used to getting off work. O.O I'm going to die. Not really but I'm def gonna be more stressed. 
> 
> Btw this is totally because of Kaistal? If that's the ship name? I don't really do Exo but I ship Kaisoo <3 So yeah.... I really don't know how to leave the heavy topics alone. I'm not sorry.

Mj wasn't in the mood to hear whatever it was that their company rep was saying. He hadn't asked for this, well maybe he really had when he signed that contract allowing him to date Jinjin. But he'd never really expected to have to act on it. But he had signed it as their rep kept reiterating every few minutes as he droned on and on about what was expected of him now. He could only sigh internally though as there was no way for him to deny it. And if he were honest with himself he felt more sorry for the girl he would be going on dates with than for himself. 

Of course he'd have to tell Jinjin the bad news as soon as he got home. Which the rep was making it sound like it would be awhile, when he was listening that was. Because most of this was directed at the girl he would be going on fake dates with now. There was a rumor going around, a very validated rumor that she was seeing a girl. A trainee from her own company. Mj was okay with helping her as long as it didn't involve any kissing or actual dates. 

Glancing down at the file in his hands he reread the rumor, looked at the picture attached, and then back to the girl. She was trembling and the girl in the corner, the trainee wasn't much better. He hoped this didn't really tear them apart. But he knew it might. Because one of them had debuted and the other was set to and here they were causing a scandal. He thought about Jinjin and his own relationship and how much it might suffer. He could only sigh to himself again and hope that this blew over quickly. 

He was lucky enough that he had worked with the girl before now though that they had gotten along fairly well. Once the meeting finally ended they were forced out of the company building to go get caught together. He sighed as they followed the company's plan to the letter. They talked about mundane things, flirted, and looked all couple-y for a few hours. Got plenty of official photos to 'leak' later. Everything felt surreal. 

It was too real though when he came home to the dorm and the photos had already been leaked. Jinjin had been crying and the members had demanded an explanation. Mj told them everything. Including what he had agreed to in order to date their leader. It still didn't sink in though until he was laying in bed, Jinjin curled into side. He wasn't upset about what Mj was doing, he'd known. He'd known the moment he recognized the girl. But it didn't make it easier or hurt less to see it. And Mj knew that. 

"I love you." He said it like a mantra that night as it felt like their castle was crumbling down. The truth of what their industry did to them staring them in the face. That everything they valued and held dear could be snatched from them with a stray comment that snowballed. It was something they lived with as idols. 

It felt like a razor's edge. Mj pretended he didn't cry that night as he stayed awake holding Jinjin in his arms. The other members let him too. But he knew and they knew that they were officially all walking on the edge. The girl who was now Mj's 'girlfriend' had been turned on by her fans. The rumor spread by their curiosity and demands to know the truth. Their willingness to cause trouble for someone they said they loved. 

He could only hope it blew away quickly. And it didn't cause too many ill effects.


	26. Maybe I had too much coffee?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason I'm still awake is coffee how am I going to survive?

Mj knew he was lucky. Luckier than most idols that had been thrown into this situation. "Are you sure you don't mind?" He asked for the third time. They had only just gotten to the theater and there hadn't been any fans around at all. This was his third 'date' with the girl and while she was good company his group had decided to see the same movie and there was no way he wasn't going to sit with them. It wasn't bad to be seen with them, and the fans would think nothing of it if his 'girlfriend' became close with his members. The rumors weren't about him after all. 

"I don't mind." She said again with a smile at Astro that was bigger than it needed to be. But Mj wasn't going to tell her that. He'd told her which one he was dating six times now and she'd fangirled for twenty minutes every time exclaiming how cute they were together. She was right of course.

When they settled into their seats Mj counted his lucky stars again. He had Jinjin on his right while the girl sat on his left, she smiled at him and they held hands until the lights dimmed. Then he was letting her hand go and placing a sneaky hand on his boyfriend's thigh. They had looked for any fans before they sat down opting to sit in a far corner at the very, very back. Where people wouldn't be able to look over them or see their hands unless they were really trying to. Mj had sat in the same place before alone with Jinjin.

When the movie ended he detached himself from his group, subtly giving Jinjin a hand heart he made his way to tiny cafe with the girl. This would be their last date according to the company as there were enough photos of them together that the rumor should be weakened and the girl's girlfriend's group had made their debut. He prayed they would be successful and that in the future they would be more discrete so he wouldn't have to do this again. Though if he were being honest with himself he wanted Korea to be more accepting so it wasn't ever be needed again for anyone. 

He'd been lucky he'd only had to go on three dates in the span of a month. He'd heard of other idols having to do more. Of other couples breaking up over the strain of having one of them fake a relationship. And every night through this whole ordeal he'd spent at least an hour with Jinjin just holding him and telling him how much he loved him. Because this felt like cheating with all the skinship, dates, and overall couple feel of it. While Jinjin promised he understood he knew that it was something that worried his boyfriend. They had both liked girls before. 

And as soon as he was able to get enough alone time to do more than just hold Jinjin he was going to take him on the fanciest date he could afford. Or the most romantic. He'd ask Eunwoo for ideas later when he wasn't preoccupied with cameras being shoved in his face as he left the mutual break up location. A fake tear rolling down his cheek. They had staged for their break up around the time the girl's group would be starting a tour. Their break up because he wasn't sure he could handle the distance. 

When he got back to the dorm Jinjin had fallen asleep on the couch, lyrics in hand. He could only smile at him softly as he picked them up so as not to ruin them by sitting on them. He read them as he curled into his boyfriend's side, his arms coming around him even in his sleep. The other members wandered out to greet him as he read. He felt like crying again as he read some of the lines. He was definitely going to have to make some time soon. 

He started calculating how much schedule free time he could get away with as he kissed Jinjin's temple. His boyfriend might have been able to fake that he was okay but his lyrics said otherwise. 


	27. I'm a sucker for good reviews

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the reviewer that asked about lyrics I guess this one is for you. Because once you asked I couldn't stop thinking about it. 
> 
> I really suck at poetry guys. I don't even like it. Which is what a lot of American lyrics are like. Korean ones? Well I almost never read the translations so idk? When I do though my favorite songs are always something I'd like in English too. *shrug* I'm not a music person. So don't expect much. As I've said somewhere before I never do. And if you do that than you might find it's better than you thought. Or something like that it was on something Monsta X. I write a lot of shit. How could I possibly remember it all? (No unfortunately I do remember almost all of it)

Mj sighed as he pulled out the piece of notebook paper he'd stolen from Jinjin earlier before his meeting. His boyfriend hadn't tried too hard to stop him from taking it so he figured it couldn't be that important. He was only going to use it as a book mark anyway and give it back later. Of course he found out how wrong he was when he opened the book again later only to find the paper was filled with lyrics, or attempts at lyrics. And it was then that he realized Jinjin hadn't stopped him because he didn't have anything to hide. And that made his heart sting almost as much as the lyrics themselves. They were from the month that he been fake dating, it hadn't even been three days since they officially announced the 'mutual break up' as if they had ever been dating. He'd been surprised though to see comments about how sad some fans were that they didn't last. The idea of having to 'date' her longer, or even again if she fucked up again had his stomach turning. 

Reading the lyrics for the nth time since he found them Mj sighed 'dating' her hadn't been hard on only him. Luckily he'd been able to secure some time off for Jinjin and him to just spend together, hopefully without being followed. That time wouldn't be for at least another week though and in the mean time he hadn't informed his boyfriend. Looking down at the paper in his hand he wasn't sure he wanted to. Because a lot of the places he wanted to go with Jinjin were the places he'd gone with her to cleanse away the memories with her and replace them with memories of Jinjin.

He read the line _'my heart dropped like the beat when I saw you with them'_ and sighed to himself again. Of course all the lyrics were written as if for their fans and as if they were talking to girls. They didn't have all that many fanboys, most male groups didn't have nearly as many fanboys as fangirls so it was normal to write towards the fangirls perspective. But Mj knew what they meant, he'd read enough of Jinjin's lyrics through the years to know who, what, and why they were written. Most of them were even dated in the top corner so their leader could keep them in a semblance of order for those he used and those he didn't. Mj did the same thing when he was writing, which admittedly wasn't nearly as often as Rocky and Jinjin who wrote their own raps.

Glancing at the date on the page he felt his heart constrict. It was the first cafe date 'they' had gone on unsupervised and had been forced to plan themselves. It had to be in a place that was frequented by her fans to ensure that they would be seen together. Within hours of arrival there had been pictures of them surfacing together. He hadn't the stomach to look at any of the photos knowing what he would see. And how it would make him feel, how it made him feel to be living in the moment of it. Even if his mind was filled with what it would be like to walk this openly with Jinjin he knew that with her like this they looked like a real couple to everyone who saw them. The way he had slung his arm around her shoulders, the way she walked just a little too close. Even if it really was just the same kind of skinship he did with his members, she was a girl that therefore he had to be interested in her to be like that. And because he was a guy then it had to be the same for her. They couldn't possibly just be close.

He read another line as he thought about the way it would have looked to Jinjin too, even though he knew the truth. _'I thought I was your only one, the one who set your heart on fire'_ He wondered how Jinjin had been planning to use these lines while he re-read them images of Jinjin's deflated face surfacing. It had been hardest to tell him about the fake dating, Eunwoo had been the first one he went to after the meeting. His heart had been so heavy and he couldn't find the words to tell his boyfriend even though they were both under the same contract, under the same obligations. He never thought it would come to pass and certainly not so soon.

Jinjin though had been more understanding and patient with it than Mj thought he himself would be. Of course Jinjin had also cried while being understanding when he finally told him. It was only after an hour long 'help me figure out how to tell him' discussion with Eunwoo. And then Jinjin had began writing lyrics to deal with how he was feeling. He couldn't stop the shiver down his spine or his cringe at the thought of Jinjin so much as looking at someone other than the members with the level of heart eyes he'd had to pull out. In someways he could admit to himself he was glad it wasn't the other way around as he wasn't sure he could handle being the one to watch. He looked at another line and held back his feelings at the thought of what he had put his boyfriend through. _'You laughed with them like they lit your soul and it twisted inside like a knife'_ He looked at the messy lines and saw a few dried smudges and he didn't have to wonder if Jinjin had cried while writing these. 

There were only two more lines of the would be lyrics and he wondered if he should talk to Jinjin about them or not. As it stood his boyfriend was still in the meeting. The other members were in the living room doing various things while he had fled the noise he could no longer stand to attempt to continue to read this book. Or he had been thinking of attempting to read his book until he had realized what he'd made his bookmark out of. _'I thought I was your only one, the one who set your heart on fire'_ He sighed looking at the last line. _'I guess mine was the only love in this equation'_ They weren't to their relationship and several lines before it had been crossed out and there were a few notes scribbled in the side about how emo the whole thing sounded. Mj smiled at them knowing they had been written at a later date from the tone of the words. 

Just as he was pushing the makeshift bookmark back into the book giving up on actually reading any more of it today in favor of planning dates he heard the room door open. He looked up to see their leader looking worn and haggard from a long meeting that most likely hadn't gone over very well for their new concept ideas. They were still hashing out the details of their next comeback even though the songs were all but recorded. 

"Hey babe," Jinjin's smile was small and his shoulders were sagging as he went to change out of the stuffier meeting wear that he sometimes had to wear when meeting their PD and other company PD's. Today had been one of those days and before Jinjin even finished he knew what he was going to say. It felt like ages ago when he had asked him this the first time. "Let's go get something to eat. I need a beer." 

Mj nodded because he felt like he needed one too but instead of answering outright he crossed the room wrapping his arms around Jinjin's bare torso. His boyfriend stilled and he kissed his shoulder squeezing him tightly even as Jinjin's arms were paused above his head with a shirt. "I love you." Mj wanted to say something more, but the only words he could find for his feelings were these. He ran his hands over the warm chest under them and nipped at Jinjin's neck.

"I love you too." Mj didn't miss the smile in Jinjin's voice. He'd probably seen the book when he came in and put two and two together already. "I wrote those awhile ago now." Jinjin added and Mj suddenly found himself facing his boyfriend, the shirt finding it's way around his shoulder with the arms in it attached. "It was upsetting to watch you, with..." The shorter's voice trailed off and Mj didn't correct him they never said her name unless they had to. They hadn't spoken about it much at all honestly and it was becoming apparent to Mj that they needed to.

"It was just as upsetting to be with her and know you were watching." Mj wasn't sure how he had gotten his voice to sound so serious without it cracking under the emotions it was carrying. "I know I told you before but I'll tell you again, I love you. Only you and I don't want anyone who isn't Jinjin shaped." He stared into dark brown eyes as he spoke a flush growing on his cheeks both from being too cheesy and sincere in one breath. There were tears in Jinjin's eyes though as he went on his boyfriend's arms encircling his shoulders a little tighter. "Every moment I was with her I thought about what it would be like to that open with you. To not worry about fangirls when we go on dates, to be able to not care if we get caught on camera, to maybe purposefully go places to get caught on camera." He wasn't able to keep from dropping down in volume as he spoke, the heart eyes he was being given causing his flush to grow. By now he was sure his whole body was red with embarrassing honesty. 

"I know Myungjun." Jinjin's lips were soft against his when he pressed them together pulling their bodies closer with his arms. "I wondered too when I saw the pictures what it might be like for that to be us. I mean it stung at first but then you'd always come home, and I wasn't always as asleep as I pretended to be."

Mj definitely wished the world would swallow him whole as what he had just said to Jinjin now was nothing compared to the cheesy things he'd said while he was sleeping. Not to mention as soon as he fell into the bed on those late 'date' nights he would pull the other close and hold him as he said them. He didn't get to voice this opinion though as Jinjin deepened the kiss. His brain felt a little like putty when he pulled away and made his way to the door. Jinjin only raised his eyebrow when he locked it. they had only installed the lock after they had started dating, though they didn't use it much. "How about we skip the beer tonight?"

Jinjin's fervent nod and the faster shedding of his clothes was Mj's only response but it was response enough to have him shedding his own clothes as they raced to the top bunk. It was hard keeping their voices down since they normally waited until they had alone time to do anything. It had been over two weeks now since their schedule had enough time to squeeze in more than a rough make out session and one of those weeks he'd been 'dating' the other idol. And Mj was not going to wait anymore. He was sure the other members had been expecting something as they kept spending what little free time they got at the dorm out of the bedrooms. Even if previously the time had only been enough for quick groping while they changed clothes. 

Something about this time felt different Mj was sure, the way Jinjin was looking at him. Or maybe it was the way he was looking at Jinjin. As if he was seeing him for the first time. He allowed his hands and tongue the luxury of exploring every inch of skin as melting his boyfriend into the mattress by turning him into little more than a pile of Jinjin goo. It was nice to take his time, as usually they weren't afforded it. They didn't really have it this time but he was going to take it anyway and his boyfriend wasn't complaining. Or he couldn't complain around the pillow he was forced into biting to keep his noises down. 

Mj took his time though making sure every caress, every touch, kiss or nip was filled to the brim with his love. In return Jinjin's touches were gentle, probing and maddening. By the time they lay there panting, with no more energy to spare Mj had lost count of the number of times they had gone over the edge of pleasure. Sure there was enough evidence to dispose of to find out but that was for later. When he didn't have the most beautiful man in his arms barely managing to stay awake. He was drifting off himself when he heard a small mumble through the door. 

"I think they're finally done in there." It was a passing thought as whoever had said it only sighed and he heard the bathroom door closing. They weren't coming in anytime soon so he allowed himself to drift off to sleep. There was key to the lock in Eunwoo's possession anyway. Though knowing Rocky and Sanha they would opt to sleep in the living room anyway for days just on principle. Mj knew better though. He knew they were worried in their own way. He knew that his 'relationship' with the other idol hadn't affected only him and Jinjin, that it had affected all of them. And he could only feel his heart swell with love for the other members knowing that they loved them both enough to worry about their relationship and all the subtle ways they had shown it. Kissing Jinjin's temple with a final "I love you" he let himself drift off to sleep thoughts filled with subtle ways to thank the members for being there for them. Being there for Jinjin while he was on his 'dates', being there for him to talk to about said 'dates', for just letting them be together like they were now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that happened.


	28. It's officer to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I am finishing my first week at my new job. The timing is definitely going to be slower on updates. Because now that I have free time I don't want to write. Not that I know what to do with myself with all this free time anyway. But also I'm not nearly as stressed as I used to be.

Mj sighed looking down at the cellphone he'd been given for the show. It wasn't as nice as his was and the picture quality was lacking to say the least. He was supposed to take a selfie and while they were being recorded there was no way he was going to take the same amount he did on his phone. He didn't need Aroha to find out that sometimes he was insecure in his looks. And certainly didn't have the confidence that his boyfriend did to just snap one and call it good. Though he'd thought about it on more than one occasion. But then they would post the photo online so he couldn't take a bad one. It was moments like this that he envied Eunwoo who looked good no matter what. 

Eunwoo must have caught on to that thought though as he smiled sheepishly at the members. Mj couldn't bring himself to hold it against him it wasn't Eunwoo's fault he was born pretty. Glancing at his boyfriend though he couldn't help but feel that maybe it was confidence that made someone prettier because there was no way that he would ever, privately pick Eunwoo over Jinjin even before they had started dating. Before he had realized his feelings of that nature even. Though he'd never voiced that out loud instead going with the flow and realizing internally that Jinjin was just as pretty as their 'visual'. Well to him anyway.

When the show was over he pulled out his own phone glancing through the photos he had saved on there. There were several of cute things he'd seen his members do. Sanha sleeping in weird positions, Rocky doing something dumb but adorable, and Eunwoo looking entirely too pretty doing...well anything really. Then there were so many pictures of Jinjin. So many in fact he had at least three separate folders for them. One for selfies they took together, another for the sleeping faces Jinjin made that just had to be recorded, and a private folder whose contents would ruin both of their careers. He hoped he never lost his phone or got hacked because if he did he'd have to explain some very compromising pictures. Though he hadn't taken them sneakily and Jinjin had his own share of career ruining photos. But even if they didn't hack the private folder he'd still have to explain the copious amounts of fan taken photos and the sheer amount of photos of Jinjin to begin with. 

It wasn't often that he went through them though only when he was posting to their twitter, fan cafe, weibo, or whatever else account they had at the time. Unlike Jinjin who had an interest in photography who was constantly taking photos and going through them. Glancing over at his boyfriend who had fallen asleep on his shoulder in the long drive to their next location he smiled. If any of them could consider themselves to have a lot of photos he was sure that the amount Jinjin had would exceed it.

Once he'd been forced to take a selfie at least thirty times until Jinjin was satisfied. Well that wasn't quite true either because a lot of that had been himself as well. The photo had eventually come out perfect, neither of them with their eyes closed, the lighting just right, and the press of Jinjin's lips on his cheek was at the perfect angle. It wasn't a photo they could display so readily so Jinjin had printed it out and shoved it in his wallet and when he thought Mj wasn't paying attention he'd done the same to his. Even now the photo is safely tucked behind his license and the photo of Astro as a group that he kept there. 

Steeling another glance at Jinjin then to the other sleeping members he closed the gallery and looked at them again. There were times like this where everything was quiet, the members either all asleep or just in their own worlds that were picture worthy. But in these moments he didn't want to capture them with pixels, he didn't want to look at the candid shots and see them later. In these small pockets of time where everything felt like it might slip away if he didn't record it, it wasn't a camera that he wanted. Instead he let his heart swell with the feeling, the image of what they were, and what they wouldn't be in the future tucking itself away into his heart. To be placed behind other louder more memorable moments and only taken out on special occasions. Just like the perfect couple photo of him and Jinjin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been editing the previous chapters! YAY finally! Well most of the newer chapters weren't that bad honestly. Though I forgot where I'm at in editing because I forgot make notes to myself at the bottom on every chapter...opps... Anyway everything from here will be unedited again because I am lazy.


	29. I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the other day I was thinking I want to write some Myungjin...I had to remind myself that I'm like 29 chapters into one as is...Even though this is junk...

It had been a live broadcast, they'd just finished a different one before this one, and Mj's voice had failed him. He hadn't been pushing himself too hard, or he thought he hadn't. He might or might not have been more stressed today because of the increasing number of comments about himself and not all of them were positive. Though all of the members had made a pact that after they saw one negative comment they would stop looking at comments. That they wouldn't read any further for the rest of the day and they would step away.

He had kept the pact but that one negative comment had been enough to weigh on him and cause his voice to falter. The others had jumped to his rescue and gave him worried glances. It wasn't uncommon to have your voice break on live radio, it had happened to other idols and it had happened to him before too. But that had been a long time ago now. Though he was sure he looked downtrodden and embarrassed when it happened he did his best to rescue himself as well. To laugh it off. To not think of the out pouring of negativity that would follow this.

It was Jinjin's hand on his knee, a soft squeeze that had him truly regaining his composure and the joking of his members that brought him back to the moment drawing him away from his own mistake. It wasn't easy though. And when Sanha leaned over further into him than necessary as they sang the song they had been practicing he didn't stumble over his words or mess up. His palms were sweaty though when he sat back down. Eunwoo who sat on the other side of him gave him a bigger smile than he normally did and patted his shoulder while Jinjin squeezed his knee again. He felt better when Rocky smiled at him softly and Moonbin complimented him. It was if they knew. He realized they probably did.

When they got back to the van he thought he'd have to say something but they didn't ask him anything. Instead they climbed into the van more than ready to be home. And he felt the same way. There was a heaviness in the van though as they drove, even when Jinjin leaned against him after pressing a kiss to his temple. They knew, he understood that they knew. He knew that they knew the backlash that one human mistake would get him as their main vocalist and they also knew there was nothing they could do or say to fix it. Because even if they did say anything the comments wouldn't stop. The hate wouldn't stop.

As idols they walked the edge of their fans love. There was always that dark pit of hate that boiled under the knife from their own fandom and others. It was something they had seen more times than they could count. Had faced subtly and had dealt with hearing about from the other groups in their company. It was something that they couldn't avoid. And they were big enough now to have those types of fans. So when Jinjin pressed into his back that night while he avoided all of their social media with purpose, his tears soaking into the pillow he didn't say anything. Neither of them did. Because there was nothing but reality staring them in the face in the form of nasty comments directed their way.

Before they had gotten to this point, before they had become this big Moonbin had once said "It just means that their big enough that people are jealous." back then he'd said it about other groups with a half smirk. Now when he said those words at breakfast, no context, not that it was needed, about themselves it was with a frown. An understanding of both sides of the coin. It broke Mj's heart more to know that his members were facing those same comments, that more than once he'd stumbled upon comments about the others. It had hurt then too. 

Looking over at Jinjin as he slid to the side at the table, breakfast going cold as he'd stayed up way too late finding a bunch of cute puppy videos to show Mj to cheer him up. He'd shoved them in his face as soon as he'd woken up then stumbled off to the kitchen leaving Mj to fall even more in love with him. Rocky had also shoved positive comments into his face this morning and Sanha had shown him the articles about his bounce back while live. It was sweet and he almost cried with how touched it made him feel that they understood him. That they knew what the problem was. Though it was kind of hard to miss the most retweeted tweet about him yesterday that had been a rant over his lack of vocal talent, his looks, his personality, and everything else. It had been quite a personal attack. Of course most of the quotes were calling out the commenter and showing their support of him. But negative comments cut to the quick. They always did. 

And it was moments like these that they grew closer as a group. Sitting at the breakfast table talking about it. Hashing out the reality of being an idol. Of how they should handle such situations. How moving forward they would be strong for each other even if the fans were sometimes wishy-washy in their love, that their love for each other was stronger and would always be stronger than for anyone else. And that Aroha's love was stronger than a fandom war, even an inner one. They had to believe in Aroha.

When he and Jinjin slipped back into the bedroom it was long enough for a quick kiss before they set about to change. And Mj was glad that he was part of this, that these were the members he had been lucky enough to debut with. And watching the muscles of Jinjin's back, the smoothness of his skin making him want to place a long lick there, he couldn't be happier to be in a group with the man he loved. To have him by his side and he thought about their couple rings currently residing shoved together in a box where they wouldn't be tempted to wear them too much. And he wondered how it was that together they were able to turn one negative comment about him into him being grateful for all of them. And he knew it was the only magic in the world that mattered, love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm no where near as stressed as I was or hard pressed to make time...So what do I do with all this time? Be lazy. Yup my truly lazy self is showing now.
> 
> Are we back on hard issues in idol life? Yes because I don't know how to get away from them. Remember to love your idols, and not bash the other idols. Everyone is working hard for their dreams. Me included. So show me some love? <3


	30. Love Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied I'm totally stressed about the X clan. I'm constantly worried I'm going to fuck it up. Like I look back at things that I wrote and wonder how I ever wrote it to begin with. 
> 
> As to this chapter please keep in mind Astro is not a rookie group in this AU. How old are they ? Anyone's guess. But I'd say at almost three since Sanha is perpetually three to me and Myungjin's number is three in my mind.

Mj looked at the invitation and blinked rapidly. He hadn't really been expecting to be invited. He hadn't talked to her in years, hadn't wanted to even think about her let alone talk with her. Yet in the mail today this had arrived and he wondered if it was because he was now famous and not just a trainee. Turning the invitation over again in his hands he stared at where his name was and the single line below it. 

"What's that?" Mj would swear he didn't scream no matter what Jinjin said after the fact but he would admit that his boyfriend's question had him jumping. But instead of answering he handed over the card and rubbed his eyes. The scare from Jinjin was nothing compared to the shock he was still feeling. 

"This is a wedding invitation..." Jinjin's voice was soft and unsure and Mj realized it was probably because he wasn't sure why someone would send one to him. Well more accurately how one had gotten through the screening of their mail considering they often received invitations for things they couldn't possibly attend or in some cases wouldn't want to. While they loved that Aroha wanted them to feel included in some of the bigger moments of their lives it wasn't possible. Mj knew when Jinjin recognized the name his eyes going wide and his mouth drawing into a thin line. 

Before Jinjin could start grilling him and ask to see his phone and accounts he sighed. This was a bigger mess than he thought he would be dealing with just before they started recording for the day. There was yet another comeback on the horizon and with their two hundredth day anniversary along with it. Not that Mj was keeping track of those things. "I don't know why she sent it either. I haven't talked to her in years. Nor to be quite honest have I wanted to." Mj slunk down into the couch in their living room, he was already dressed to go out for when their manager returned with Rocky, Sanha, and Moonbin who were already recording. They hadn't gone with them to instead clean up a little around the dorm with Eunwoo's help. Or it wouldn't be cleaned until after the comeback. 

"Still..." Jinjin slunk down beside him resting his head on his shoulder, the invitation held loosely in his hand. It was upsetting to see his name on there with the line 'and plus one' underneath knowing that publicly he couldn't bring Jinjin as his date. Or at all if he did decide to go. Simply because there was no way his ex of a year wouldn't notice the way he looked at his leader, had probably already picked up on it if she had been following their career any. She probably wasn't though he knew. She'd never liked that he wanted to be part of a group and had always tried to convince him to do other things. 

No more words followed and Mj looked over at Jinjin to see his eyes closed and the invitation now crinkled in his hold. It made him chuckle. "There's no way I'm going." He said it with a little more conviction than he had intended but it got Jinjin looking at him instead of thinking about Mj's exes. It wasn't like Jinjin didn't have a few himself and Mj knew he might get upset if Jinjin were to suddenly get invited to something of theirs as well. "It wasn't a clean break up to begin with and I have no interest in seeing her or whoever she's found that will put up with her." Mj sighed to himself, that wasn't entirely true part of him was indeed curious about the kind of guy she ended up settling for, obviously someone who would put with the constant nagging about chasing their dreams.

"It's not that." Jinjin kissed his forehead and Mj let the lingering warmth from it fill his heart. "I was just thinking that..." He frowned and paused again. Mj waited knowing that Jinjin wasn't the fastest talker to begin with and if he was taking more time he was putting together what he would say. "It's just that maybe you should go. We can make time for you to go. And you can see some of your old friends. I mean you still have mutual friends." 

MJ contemplated this a moment because Jinjin was right. Though Mj had zero interest in the wedding itself it was indeed a social event where all of his old friends would be gathering. But it still didn't take him much time to come to a conclusion, most of those friends had taken her side in the break up and he wasn't interested in seeing any of them alone. "Only if you come with me." He finally said just as Eunwoo was coming into the room and Mj didn't need to look up to know he was making that 'gross couple' face. He ignored it though. "I don't have anyone in my past that's more important than those I have in my present." 

Jinjin's eyes scanned his and Mj wondered if for a moment that he didn't believe him. That maybe Jinjin was wondering if maybe sometimes Mj thought about his exes, since they were all girls. There wasn't anything he could do or say to prevent him from wondering that, he'd wondered himself sometimes whenever Jinjin did a double take on him. Though it was usually because whatever he had said had no context or might actually have been wrong. "I don't want to go." Jinjin finally said putting the invitation down on the table in front of them. "We'll just send her a gift okay?" He stood up looking back down at him before going over to Eunwoo to discuss the recording schedules. 

Mj looked down at the invitation with a smirk his boyfriend was so smart sometimes. He glanced at the gift registry place and smiled he was going to buy her the cheapest gift he could. After all if she had really wanted him to come she would have tried talking to him at least once more before he got famous. If a gift was what she wanted he could do that. Even if it wasn't going to be a nice one. 

Following Jinjin and Eunwoo out the door he smiled when Jinjin reached back to squeeze his hand before they left the hallway where no one would see. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventually this is going to end. When the ideas run out or the stress. But for the moment let's just keep going with this relaxed and easy pace into oblivion.


	31. Chocolates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes I saw the chocolate unwrapping...did it make me want to write? Well yes...then I realized that I've already written so much smut for Myungjin that it wouldn't be anything new by now. Like whoa...when did I reach this point? 
> 
> Will that stop me from writing more? Have you been reading this because that's your answer right there.

A hundred days didn't sound like a long amount of time to some people, namely Sanha who was currently laughing his ass off over the date ideas that he was scribbling down. MJ didn't pay him any mind he wasn't talking to him anyway, the brat just happened to be there while he was trying to talk to Eunwoo. Who wasn't helping much either because all of his ideas were just as lame as his own.

"I don't know hyung it's going to be hard to beat Jinjin's date." Eunwoo had said that at least six times in the last hour, and they'd only been talking for half an hour now. If Mj didn't know any better he'd think his members wanted nothing to do with the idea process. Which made him suspicious that Jinjin hadn't already planned something again. But there was no way he was going to let his boyfriend plan everything this time around. Though Eunwoo was actually correct, as Jinjin had planned something personal, romantic, and even bought the perfect gift. And it was proving very hard to even match that level let alone beat it.

"Hyung you know it's not a competition on who plans a better date right?" It was Rocky piping up from the sidelines as he wiped the sweat from his brow. They were supposed to be practicing the new choreography but the only ones doing it were Rocky and Moonbin as Jinjin had stepped out for an impromptu meeting with their choreographer and their PD who weren't quite seeing eye to on some things. Which Mj knew meant the choreography would be changing soon anyway. He was sure that Rocky and Moonbin knew it too but they were dancing machines unlike him and Eunwoo. Sanha was just being lazy since he knew he could get away with it. 

"I know it's not a competition, it's just..." Mj closed his eyes and thought about the box that currently held both of their couple rings and the last time they had worn them. It had been over a week now, because there was yet another jewelry uproar over in the Got7 fandom. He always wondered why Mark and Jackson were so open about it. Sure it was just jewelry and couldn't really be linked to anything romantic, but it started all kinds of rumors and more often than not skyrocketed their ship popularity. Which he supposed might have been nice, if that was the image he and Jinjin were going for. The image of it's so real it has to be fake. It worked for Got7, simply because Jackson shipped himself with everyone in the group. That same ploy was not going to work for them.

It wasn't going to work for them because it was real. "It's just..." He faltered again his thoughts drifting around the rumors a little longer because one of his favorite ideas was jewelry. And while he wasn't sure about Mark and Jackson but his money was on the so perfectly faked it had to be real bet. Though he'd only interacted with them personally a few times through the years and never close enough to know for sure. And even if he had those were the types of secrets you didn't share unless you had to. The only ones to know were your group, your company, and the really tight lipped unlikely to disown you family. And wearing matching jewelry was considered something of a dead giveaway. Which was why he wasn't going to do it unless it was just a well crafted and less likely be detected just like the rings Jinjin had bought.

Mj sighed thinking about how open Got7 was wasn't going to help him any. "It's just I want to take him on a date that makes him feel like his date made me feel." Eunwoo was nodding when he opened his eyes and Rocky and Moonbin stopped dancing long enough to toss their two cents in and by the time Jinjin walked back into the room he had an idea. As a bonus every face in the room was red except his own when Jinjin came back in with a confused look. That meant he'd definitely hit on romantic, cheesy gold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys how the hell are we on 31 chapters? I don't even know anymore. I think I fucked up the time-line? So just take it like a Doctor Who time line, wibbly-wobbly, timey-whimey. K?
> 
> Btw yes I am Markson trash. But really they are always causing an uproar with their matching jewelry. Not to mention the matching Got7 friendship necklaces that were Mark's idea. The boy just loves jewelry and showing off his friendships with it, it's cute.


	32. Wibbly-wobbly Timey-whimey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So reading through some of my author notes (the ones not on here) it sounds like I'm begging people to point out my mistakes...Like whoa masochist much? 
> 
> Personal opinion to write you've got to be a sadomasochist. Why else would you torture your readers and then yourself by writing? Just a thought.
> 
> Also pretty sure I fucked up the timeline because I have no idea how many days, weeks, or what not I wrote. It's too stressful to figure it out and that is like the exact opposite of what I'm writing this for. SO just consider time all wobbly and what not. (Why yes I'm a Whovian)

It hadn't been a day yet and Mj was already rethinking his great, awesomely romantic, and quite cheesy date idea. While he still thought it was great, amazing and definitely romantic it was already proving hard to arrange. As there was the minor problem of getting the correct permissions and sweet talking the right people into getting his way. And he wasn't sure that he would be able to convince all of them.

As one of those right people he would need to get permission from was also Jinjin himself. Because even if he wanted to move on with the plans and keep his boyfriend in the dark about them it wasn't possible because of the group dynamic. He wasn't able to go over Jinjin's head like Jinjin had gone over his when planning their date, because his boyfriend was the leader of the group and any time any of them planned to do anything remotely public they did their best to run it by him. Even when it wasn't required as a group they talked about everything. And there were very few outings that anyone in the group took without swinging it by Jinjin, who had their schedule memorized like the back of his hand, as well as the right to tell them no. 

As their leader Jinjin was in charge of a lot of things. Their image was one of the things Jinjin was partially in charge of, while not entirely and only to an extent it still gave him the right to say no. He had said no before to them going out shopping alone because of the way the groups ships were being played up. He'd also rejected several of Mj's date ideas last time, before he had his own completely ironed out because of how public they were. 

Despite money no longer being a big issue he already knew Jinjin wasn't willing to let him rent out a restaurant or a club for them. Not that either of them frequented any of the clubs now that they were dating or even before as that was more Moonbin's scene. Theirs was bars with quiet places they could think and let go. Which Jinjin was against them renting out as well.

Which had led him to the perfect idea, one he was sure he could get the go ahead on from the right people needed. All of the right people except Jinjin. Because he was sure that his boyfriend would tell him that there was definitely a way for them to get caught. Which Mj had to be realistic about, there was a way for them to get caught no matter what they did. Regardless of the fact they hid their feelings fairly well, just as well as if they were just friends in public their feelings did show. It was in the little ways that they treated each other. And sure a lot of it could be played off as favoritism everyone has a favorite, but for how long? 

Mj wasn't blind to the tightrope they were walking before they would have to do what his 'ex-girlfriend' did for her relationship. Which according to her texts from recently, as they somehow ended up getting in touch and staying in touch, was going well. It was only going well because Mj had pretend dated her to keep her secret from the public. Which one day one of them was going to have to do for their own relationship.

So when the moment came, after much prodding on Rocky and Sanha's part at lunch, he was shocked when Jinjin gave him the go ahead with a smile. A smile that told him that for he had definitely hit pay dirt with his idea. As his boyfriend told him that it was simple, easy, and really not all that weird to be seen doing. What Jinjin hadn't mentioned but the reddening of his cheeks did was that it was romantic and sweet. 

Which now that he had the green light had him planning up a storm and getting all the right permissions. He knew it was going to be great. Now all he needed to do was coerce the building manager to let him clean up the roof a little, get some string lights he wasn't going to hate later, and borrow some stuff from the company. Not to mention get the others to vamoose on said night so they wouldn't have to worry about how much time they would or would not take in the shower. Or have to listen to Sanha scream again when he walked in on them after they'd finished making love, if they opted for that route. 

He was going to make this date perfect. Even if it also meant that he was going to have to conquer the kitchen in the process. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've ventured into Day6 writing now...Like I need help someone stop me before I end up writing in all my groups. Like please. 
> 
> Also I lost where I was at in editing...So I'll probably just start over again. And maybe fix the timeline? Maybe not because I'm supposed to not be stressing here. This is still my running de~stress o-matic. ^.~ Though I do love reading your comments on it. I noticed the trend of people commenting on the first like six chapters then going ghost...Does that mean they didn't actually read this far? IDK? But I'd be lying to say I'm not curious.


	33. Scared of the stove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this somewhere (Probably in For Aroha) but I don't cook. I'm a baker for sure, but I'm totally scared of the stove and not cool with fire. I'm okay with this at this point in my life. 
> 
> Now Mj as we know is not an advanced cook. We've seen evidence so this is based on that. Well sorta?

A peek in the fridge and a glance around the kitchen told him that he had everything he needed but he still found himself reading through the list one more time. He could feel his heart beat wildly as he looked at the instructions for the nth time since he had gotten home with the ingredients. Their manager had been kind enough to loan him a cook book and point him in the direction of something not too complicated. He wasn't sure how much he trusted that advice but he wasn't about to ask Eunwoo after that competition fiasco. His pride wouldn't let him.

He started a mantra as he started the first step, which was only chopping up vegetables. It couldn't be that hard he was sure or he'd convinced himself of such as he watched the video he'd dredged up of cooking technique. He was going to make this a great meal for Jinjin or he was the worst boyfriend ever. Not that he'd told the shorter male that he would even be cooking. He'd tell him afterward once he'd praised the food then he would soak it all in and feel more accomplished. Avoiding that awkward feeling of mandatory compliments just because your significant other had cooked it for you.

For the first ten minutes it felt like everything was going smoothly the directions were easy enough to understand and there were no distractions. The pot on the stove was happily boiling away and the slice of meat he'd be working with didn't look daunting at all. He had managed to not cut himself and from what he could tell there were only a few steps left. That was of course the moment that Rocky decided to come home way too early. He wasn't sure who had screamed first when he had turned, knife slowly being placed back on the cutting board, him or Rocky. 

Either way it resulted in an explaination he didn't want to give and Rocky wished he hadn't heard. Mj though wasn't deterred when the younger decided to stay in the kitchen and watch him. Which Mj convinced himself wasn't at all creepy or weird or bothersome. The fact he started fumbling food and almost burned himself said otherwise. 

"Hyung..." Mj wasn't sure what Rocky wanted now but he decided against looking away from the food in the pan he was currently working on. There hadn't been much conversation once it had been established that he was staying in the kitchen, simply so Mj could focus.

"Yes?" Mj finally asked after he was certain that things were looking correct even if he wasn't quite sure that it was smelling that way. This was the last part of the meal plan beside desert and he really wasn't planning for actual food to be on that part of the menu.

When there was no immediate answer Mj turned to look at him and Rocky froze a fork poking one of the dishes that fell over limply and crumbled looking unappetizing. "What are we going to do with all this food you just made?" 

"Well I was planning on giving it to you guys for dinner and making you my taste testers. Jinjin shouldn't be home until later and we both know Sanha and Moonbin will eat anything that doesn't eat them first." Mj shrugged he needed honest feedback before he did actually feed anything he made to his boyfriend. Feedback that wasn't his own because Rocky had already turned his nose up at, at least two dishes that he thought looked just fine. They tasted a little salty but not that bad, well to him anyway.

Rocky didn't comment on that instead his eyes landed on the dishes he'd been eying suspiciously the whole time. Mj didn't ask and instead finished the dish he was working on as the others, minus Jinjin came home. They were all giving him and his food the same look Rocky had at first. As if he'd grown a second head. Their reactions weren't much better when he used his power over them as eldest to force them to sample his food and give their honest opinions. 

Rocky was the last one to leave the table, most of the dishes eaten with ill grace simply because he'd cooked them and not because they tasted bad. Though Mj noted none of them had spared his feeling when it came to presentation. But he felt better about it as Rocky helped him clean up and they talked about the various foods they couldn't eat anymore. 

He didn't feel quite as confident in showing Jinjin his work in the kitchen as he wanted to. But somehow Rocky seemed to know just what to say to make him feel better. And by the time Jinjin got home they had already worked together to make something presentable with the leftovers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really guys I keep getting the urge to write Myungjin and have to remind myself about this...but this somehow has a universe of it's own (That I begrudgingly gave it) so I can't just randomly throw in something random and be okay with it. 
> 
> But like what to write that isn't trash? Would you be okay with trash? Is it considered trash if it's got a plot, realistic af, and plausible? I have no idea...


	34. How are we still running?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I sometimes wonder how this fic is still going. Of course I always find myself wanting to write more Myungjin at the same time...so I suppose that's why. Well either way I hope you're still enjoying this mess.
> 
> Sorry it's short but I want the date separate but still want to show Mj's efforts...and I'm lazy.

Everything had to be perfect. There was no way Mj was going to settle for less. Even if it meant that he'd spent the last two days cooking for the other members and gauging their reactions. This was the last day left before he had to have everything together. Somehow he had at least convinced the others that his cooking was edible if not the greatest in the world without Jinjin catching on. It was eating up a lot of their food budget but no one had complained yet, least of all their manager who was also eating with them more often than not. Offering his own tips and advices.

It was nice and Mj knew to appreciate it and took ideas from the members and their manager on what to make next. At one point Eunwoo had told him he should just take up all their cooking if he was going to make it a hobby. He didn't respond to that though. Instead he went about collecting the things he would need. One day was enough time to set everything up before Jinjin would notice and the building manager had been kind enough to allow him to set up early. Which admittedly took more of the members than he had anticipated but they were willing to help for a fee, the fee being food made for them. 

It was with a nervous eye he took in the lights over the small gate they had set up and small table and chair set that he'd cleaned up a little more. He'd also taken the time to string lights along the ledge from those that were left. The fake grass had also been cleaned via a pressure hose that he had a lot of fun using. And he knew that Jinjin was going to think it was a bit over the top but that was what he was aiming for. It was half to distract his boyfriend from the not so edible looking arrangement he knew the food would end up like. As even if he'd mastered the cooking part the plating wasn't quite his artistic alley. 

Everything was ready. He had the time set aside, the members were going to make themselves scarce, he had the permissions. He just knew Jinjin was going to love it. Or he at least hoped Jinjin would appreciate the level of romance he was trying to pull off. He took one last look making sure it looked like a scene from a movie before going back down to the dorm and prepping. The cooking wouldn't take as long if he did now. 

When he returned he was glad to see Jinjin was napping on the couch and while he was very tempted to join he didn't. He instead cleaned up what their leader had been working on and got busy with his own work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm undertaking another monster project, a serious one like Dream Walking and not like this...this will be stressful, serious, omg your author needs a life writing. 
> 
> At this point you've seen my serious and not so serious writing if you've read my other stuff. So you which do you prefer? (I'm lowkey (highkey) curious af to know)


	35. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so even I hated how stretched out everything has been but I will admit to being lazier lately and I'm easily distracted when I write at home. *shrug* Either way I've decided on not updating regularly for this fic. (I say that now but this time next week I'd put money on me updating anyway) Simply because it's started to stress me out having a plotline (which was my own fault to begin with) that stretches so long.

Mj knew that things weren't going to go exactly to plan the moment he woke up the next morning. He was awake early, early enough to make everyone breakfast as per his agreements with both the other members and their manager. Who after eating fled the dorm knowing what was coming and wanting no part in it. Mj was happy with that because he really didn't want to try to maneuver around them as he got things ready for Jinjin. Who he still couldn't believe had agreed to this. 

There was a part in the back of his mind that wondered if maybe Jinjin had thought he had kept things lowkey and only between the people involved. Then again Jinjin had given him permission previously to go a little wild on their next anniversary compared to their last one. But he didn't let himself fret about it too much as he went about starting a presentable breakfast. 

"Mj..." JInjin's voice was slightly whiny from the hallway. "Why are you up so early?" Mj felt himself melting inside at the tone of his boyfriend's voice as if the only reason he was out of bed was because he wasn't in it. He knew that wasn't the case though as he'd already heard the bathroom door open and close long before Jinjin had called to him. Though it was still a nice thought to entertain.

"Breakfast?" Was all Mj said moving around to look at his boyfriend who was still sleepily rubbing his eyes and scratching his stomach underneath his night shirt. His sleep shorts were sagging and Mj knew he shouldn't think it was adorable but he couldn't stop himself. It was also other things he wasn't going to think about right now because he wasn't done cooking yet.

Jinjin only blinked at the question and ambled further into the kitchen to wrap his arms around his waist peering over his shoulder. "When did you learn to cook?" Mj found himself more than a little distracted by the proximity and the way that Jinjin's chin was digging his shoulder from his boyfriend having to stand on his tippy toes to see over him. He could also hear the skepticism in the husky tones but he ignored them in favor of finishing the task at hand which was not getting burnt by the bacon he was cooking. Luckily he'd already done all of the prep work for lunch and Jinjin hadn't seen any of it. 

"Go have a seat and I'll prove to you that I can cook." Was his only remark as he gently pushed his boyfriend away, he didn't need to see his face to know he was pouting when he walked away. It was written in the swing of hips and that alone had his mind going other places. Places that he told himself weren't conducive to breakfast and not getting burnt as he turned his attention back to the sizzling grease. Jinjin was staring at him moodily from the table but he paid it no mind starting on the eggs as he turned off a burner. It was several minutes and questions later he could only frown at the slight brown, almost black around the edges of the egg heart he'd made. It was a little runny in the middle which wasn't how Jinjin liked it but least it was heart shaped. And so far looked like the best American breakfast he'd made so far. 

"This is cute." Mj allowed himself to puff up at the praise but he didn't take it to heart as he sat a plate in front of Jinjin before going back for his own and two mugs of precisely prepared coffee. They ate for a moment in silence, Mj enjoying the feeling of the shorter male's foot rubbing against his legs. The contact slow and sensual as he attempted in drawing him into playing footsy. He resisted with a playful smirk and an appraising eye not giving in until something was said about the flavor. Though it wasn't all praise it was honest and that was more appreciated. Even if it left a niggle in the back of his mind about lunch. 

"What do you have planned for us after this?" Jinjin's question had caught him off guard after they had been eating in comfortable silence for several minutes but now the food was gone. He didn't miss the hooded look in his boyfriend's eyes that had him swallowing with a little more force than necessary. He hadn't actually planned anything aside from lunch, well maybe he'd been hoping that his boyfriend would be in the mood and if he wasn't he was planning the back up plan of cuddling and watching a show. It didn't seem like that was going to be needed though from the way dark brown eyes were looking at him. 

"I only planned for lunch but I was hoping that," Mj brushed his foot against the younger's inner thigh noticing the way his breathing sped up just slightly, his thoughts lead to taking his breath away entirely. "since we have the place to ourselves..." He trailed off unable to finish as he found himself being yanked up from the table and pulled along to the bathroom, dishes left on the table to be taken care of later. 

It was a different sensation for Jinjin to be so forceful first thing in the morning, shoving him up against the bathroom door smashing their lips together as he pressed into him. It was nice though and he wasn't about to complain when a thigh shoved between his own, quick fingers working their way under the night shirt he was still wearing. By the time they actually made it into the shower, their clothes strewn near or around the hampers they belonged in, Mj was sure he was sporting three or more hickies in places that he'd have to cover up. Though he knew for sure Jinjin was sporting more than that as he started the water without looking. It was cold and for a moment they almost stopped but the water heater kicked in and it was impossible to keep their lips separated. 

"Jinjin...ah..." Was all he could get out that sounded remotely intelligible as he reached for the lube as best he could being pressed against the wall, with his legs wrapped around a lithe torso. Luckily he didn't have to say anything before his boyfriend was getting exactly what they needed and the room was soon filling with steam for reasons that weren't hot water.

Mj wasn't sure how long it had been since they had been this needy with each other but he felt like maybe it should stay that way when he crumpled onto the couch bonelessly. They'd just spent an undetermined amount of time in the shower, long after the water had been turned off for being too cold pressed against each other and in each other. His hair was still damp and Jinjin's was a mess from all of the pulling on it he'd done before they finally stopped making out and put clothes on. Though it didn't really matter what they looked like today there would be no going out of the building.

It wasn't until after the first movie, which had left both of them cuddled in a corner of the couch not paying attention to it anyway, that Mj noticed the clouds growing outside. And when Jinjin got up to change the movie he discreetly pulled out his phone to check the weather. There wasn't a high chance of rain, but it was higher than he had been expecting. He only hoped that the plans he made weren't going to fall through. 

A movie and a game later he left his boyfriend with the excuse he needed to heat up the food he slipped into the kitchen to finish putting the final touches on the food. To his surprise and delight his boyfriend managed to stay in the living room away from where he was preparing food and he was able to pack everything away easily enough. The hard part was getting Jinjin up and to the roof, it took both of them carrying the food to finally get up there. 

Mj felt pride when Jinjin's jaw dropped at his efforts. The fairy lights were hung romantically, the table was in just the right spot to be away from the glaring sun and still have a view. There as a clear umbrella to the side of it leaned against the table on his side in case the weather did go south. He'd heard it might drizzle but the weather app hadn't told him it was going to be so overcast. So the view was hampered a bit by the encroaching storm clouds, dark and gray in the distance. His boyfriend still looked ridiculously attractive standing before them, eyes sparkling with mirth. "Happy anniversary babe." Mj whispered planting a soft kiss on the hickey he'd left on the back of Jinjin's neck before going about setting out the food. 

"Why did you order so much?" The disbelief in the younger's voice was ignored in favor of fixing his plate with all the foods he'd been practicing. In the end he'd only been able to make a few of them look as good as they tasted but the shorter refrained from commenting on that and Mj figured the game might be up before it even started. 

"I wasn't sure what all to get so I just got a little bit of everything you like." Mj admitted once everything was set up and they were taking their first bites. Jinjin hadn't pressed him about it before instead just helping him while the weather held out. He didn't look up as he continued. "I couldn't bring you somewhere memorable or find the perfect couple gift like you did." He sighed rubbing his hands against the small gift he did get his boyfriend that was hiding in his pants pocket it. It had taken some real maneuvering to sneak it in there as they were headed out. "So I wanted everything to be as romantic as possible instead." 

Jinjin nodded, he could feel his foot against his calf under the table soothing him. "I don't need those things Mj I just want to be with you." The line was cheesy but Mj could hear the sincerity and see it shining back at him from deep brown eyes when he looked up. They both smiled laughing softly as they sampled all the different dishes small conversation filling the space between them. "So you cooked this didn't you?" 

The question wasn't unexpected but Mj still wasn't sure he wanted to answer that. "I guess that depends on if you like it." He shrugged and smirked at the same time. He knew that the question wouldn't have been asked if his boyfriend didn't already suspect. 

There was a sigh followed by an eye roll before the younger burst out laughing, the sound of it preceding thunder that wasn't quite as distant sounding as it had been. "If you took the time and effort to learn to make it there was no way it was going to be bad." And just as Jinjin said that it started pouring out of nowhere. 

Both of them jumped and Mj grabbed the umbrella opening it quickly over the food and they both made a mad scramble to put the food away. It wasn't a light rain that landed around them but a heavy rain that bounced loudly off the umbrella and filled the skies with water that they were sure was soaking the ground below. Then they were running food baskets in hand as they made a mad dash to the rooftop door some ten feet away. By the time they slammed it behind them, fighting off the wind they were almost soaked to the bone their protection having failed them. But instead of complaining they collapsed laughing against the door setting the baskets of food they'd barely touched down at their feet. 

"I hadn't planned for that I'm sorry." Mj finally settled down hitting his head against the door behind them a frown overtaking his smile at the unexpected downpour. "I knew it might rain, but they said a light drizzle just yesterday." He defended himself but looking over at the smile still tugging at kissable lips he knew he didn't need to. "There went my perfect date." He said softly to himself before pulling out the small palm sized box from his pants. "Still though I'd rather be caught in the rain with you than anyone else." 

Jinjin smiled at his cheesy line and took the box opening it to see the bracelet he'd given him, it was a brand that everyone knew he liked. He picked it up putting it on. "Hey the rain isn't going to ruin our date." Before Mj could ask what he meant he was being pulled to his feet. Next thing he knew they were racing down the stairs laughing at each other as they competed. Once they were back in their dorm they set everything out before the tv and popped in one of their favorite movies and opened some wine instead of the tea they'd been drinking. 

When Jinjin gave him his gift, a new set of paints that were high quality and had a lot of the colors he didn't have already he was rethinking what an anniversary date should be like. He'd wanted to go more traditional but feeling Jinjin's head on his shoulder as he talked quietly about the awful movie of Rocky's they'd put in next he felt he might have been wrong. That those fancy dates he was always seeing and had been told to go for weren't the right way for everyone. "I'm sorry our date wasn't perfect." Mj found himself saying a few minutes later the movie dragging in the convoluted plot line. 

"Mj if I have to tell you one more time that this date was fine I'm going to..." Mj didn't let him finish that sentence instead silencing him with a kiss, then another, and another until they were slowly kissing contented on the living room floor. They were surrounded by rain sogged food and now dressed in their pajamas but it felt right. And maybe perfect wasn't something they needed to aim for anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventually I'll write more smut...but despite how well I do write it, I'm rarely in the mood to do so.
> 
> Btw reading the chapter names is a fun trip. Like who wrote those anyway? (Obviously me like this whole thing) Eventually though I'll have to start getting creative on them. Instead of just moody.


	36. I can't believe I haven't done this yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was wrong and I'm updating already
> 
> I'm so damn stressed the fuck out. Like for the next week I'll probably re~read One Piece for the billionth time and zone off to my happy place known as nakama haven. You can help me feel better by telling me I don't suck (that much).

Mj knew his voice was just this side of whiny but he didn't care. "I don't think that's a good idea." The pillowcase that may or may not have been overstuffed with photos of his boyfriend that weren't all fan taken was securely wrapped in his arms. Though he wasn't going to admit that he'd snuck his own photos in there with the look that Jinjin was currently giving him. Their anniversary had only been a few days ago now and since then Jinjin had gotten in his head that he absolutely needed to see the photos Mj had been hoarding of him. 

"What it's not like I didn't see some of them before. If you remember that's how I put two and two together." Jinjin's nonchalance and shrug had Mj more concerned about which photos he'd actually stumbled upon because they certainly couldn't have been all of them for his boyfriend to think nothing of it.

Mj shuddered at the memory of the cross dressing photo incident and reminded himself to scrub his YouTube history before Jinjin asked to see that at one point as well. Though it wasn't like he could blame his boyfriend for being curious. What after walking in on him just yesterday sorting through the growing collection he was bound to be curious. And it wasn't like Jinjin hadn't shared the photos he'd taken and kept of Mj himself. Though he highly doubted that Jinjin had ever used any of those to get off to at any point in time. Not to say that the thought wasn't hot as hell, they just weren't those kind of photos. At least not the ones he'd been shown.

"I still don't think this is a good idea." Mj warned side eying his boyfriend squeezing the pillow tighter, but not too tightly to keep the photos within from bending. He still had uses for them after all when they went on vacations and couldn't see each other, or maybe just those times when Jinjin was too busy and never home long enough. Or just when he wanted to stare at his boyfriend's very kissable and fuckable lips without being creepy about it. Or the times he really just wanted to admire the curves of Jinjin's body and...He cut himself short on that there were several reasons to have these photos of his boyfriend. None of which he actively wanted to explain.

"Myungjun...babe I already saw the cross dressing one and literally dressed like that for you I think I can handle whatever else you have hidden in there." Jinjin's eye roll was not missed and Mj swallowed happy that they were at least alone in the dorm, except for their manager who was doing who knew what in his room. He certainly hoped that their manager hadn't heard that though. 

Mj pondered for a moment longer if he took too much longer the others would come back and then his collection would really be on display. "I'll only show you if you promise not to judge." He resisted pouting because he knew that it wasn't going to get him anywhere and instead of looking into Jinjin's eyes he looked at the bracelet he'd given him. With a sigh and one last warning he unzipped the pillow case and pulled out a stack of at least fifty different photos. Then he pulled out the other stack with a sigh when Jinjin snatched those away and requested the rest. He wasn't sure how he'd known there were more but he wasn't going to fight it anymore. 

The flush on Jinjin's cheeks was the fist thing that Mj noticed when he finally felt brave enough to glance at his boyfriend's face after about ten photos. These were even the tame ones of his boyfriend being cute, a few of them he'd taken himself or Rocky had taken and he'd swiped them. "I told you this was a bad idea." Mj sighed when Jinjin finally got about thirty photos in and the fan taken photos started appearing, the ones he'd used before and it was obvious from the wear around the edges.

"I'm not going to agree with you on that." Jinjin held up a photo that was particularly worn that had his butt at a very flattering angle and it was Mj's turn to flush. "So you like these kind of shots?" There was teasing in his voice and Mj felt his heart beat speed up to at least twice it's normal rate. But the shorter didn't wait for an answer moving onto the next photo that was him in shorts with a very large helping of thigh and it was definitely the focus of the photo. Nothing more was said as more photos were flipped through until one pile was gone. 

Mj didn't think his face could get any redder, though he knew for a fact it was going to as Jinjin started the next pile. His favorites pile that held the ones that he had set aside just for masturbating when Jinjin was away or too busy. He'd even figured out how to make them easier to reach but he wasn't going to admit to that as he watched his boyfriend's face grow redder. These pictures weren't as tame as the thigh close ups, butt flattery, or even the slight tongue poking out kind of photos the other pile offered. Instead two pictures in Jinjin was already to his cross dressing hoard and he found himself shifting on the couch. The air was starting to feel thick but not stifling as he watched his boyfriend study the photos taking in the angles, what he was wearing and asking questions. Mostly 'Do you like that?' as if he was storing the information away for later use and he wasn't go lie that was kind of hot. 

Eventually he realized that he wasn't shifting just because exposing himself to Jinjin like this was embarrassing. And it was becoming really hard to fight the hard on that was growing in his lounging shorts. By then they were already half way through the second pile and he noticed that he wasn't the only with a problem when he picked up on the way his boyfriend's voice was growing huskier and he was shifting too. He didn't say anything instead sliding closer, resting a hand on the shorter's thigh, something they all did commonly, nothing too out of place. He wasn't going to crack first he'd told Jinjin it was a bad idea to begin with.

Mj only had to wait out a few more photos before Jinjin was stuffing all the photos back into the pillowcase haphazardly and shoving it aside. "Is something wrong?" He questioned his voice huskier than intended as he whispered into the younger's ear, fingers tracing small lines along the seam of Jinjin's pants working their way further up. 

"Not a thing." Was his boyfriend's answer before he was shoving him back on the couch they'd been sitting on the ledge of and climbed into his lap without any type of warning mashing their lips together. Mj wasn't complaining though as he moaned into the kiss and allowed himself to give into the friction pressing down on him. They'd been doing this long enough that his boyfriend had angled himself perfectly to have their hardons lining up. "I think I'd like a few pictures of you like those." The shorter admitted between small pecks, one hand cupping Mj's face while the other ran down the front of his tank. 

It took more effort to swallow than he was ever going to admit. Instead Mj ran his own hands down lithe sides to rest on tantalizing hips. He knew they couldn't go further than this where they were but it was tempting as he ran his tongue over a sharp jawline, making sure to nip at the mole on Jinjin's shoulder before he pulled away. Bedroom eyes were in full force as they both turned to the door knowing the others would be home sooner rather than later. And while it was ever so fun to hear Sanha screeching at the top of his lungs it also meant dealing with lectures from both Eunwoo and their manager later. 

It only took three seconds to decide that it was worth it as he pushed at Jinjin's thighs and motioned towards the bedroom with a playful smirk. "I think that can be arranged sometime." He nibbled the mole one more time before he really pushed his boyfriend off, grabbing the pillow, and racing towards their shared bedroom. He made sure to follow Jinjin up the ladder to their bed eying what was his appreciatively as it wiggled through the motions of climbing. When they were finally on top he watched the lithe hips wiggle teasingly at him as brown eyes stared back at him. 

"Are you saying I should just make you mine right now?" He found himself asking as he pulled his tank off loving the way brown eyes scanned over every inch of exposed skin. It wasn't often that he topped despite all his fantasies usually involving being in charge when he was masturbating. But when the moment came to it somehow he was always willing to be in whichever position allowed him to be with his boyfriend in that moment. He'd admit at least that sometimes it was easier being the catcher than the pitcher but he was happy being either. 

Jinjin didn't say anything for a moment licking his lips as he stared at him and Mj almost flushed, or he might have if he weren't already flushed with arousal. "Yeah. Today I want you to show me what you think about doing to me." Mj felt his cock pulse at those words and if the blood weren't already pooling in it he was certain that sentence alone would have had him ready to go. 

He swallowed thickly before moving forward, finding himself nervous as if this were the first time. It wasn't, it was so far from their first time it wasn't even funny. But his hands were shaking as he placed them on Jinjin's back teasing the shirt up placing light kisses on the skin he revealed. He kept it up until he had the shirt off and his cock was pressed firmly against the ass he loved so much. Then he was nipping and biting around Jinjin's neck fingers playing with the hem of the sleep pants his boyfriend was wearing, teasing with dips under the elastic and tweaking sensitive pert nipples. The moans filling the room were low as the shorter male shoved his mouth into a pillow to keep his voice down. They both knew there was no way the manager would be happy to know they were having hot, amazing sex while he was in the dorm. 

Mj didn't think much of it listening to the muffled moans, grabbing a condom and tissues from under one of his other pillows as he continued to work off Jinjin's clothes in the much the same manner tossing them unto the unused bed. By the time Jinjin was on his back, naked and staring up at him with wanton affection he felt like he might burst. He hadn't been able to take as much time as he'd wanted but as he palmed the weeping cock offered to him, watching the play of emotions on his boyfriend's face he didn't mind much. Instead he took as little time as he could preparing his boyfriend instead because they both knew the clock was ticking.

"Myungjun..." The begging whine in Jinjin's voice as he lined himself up with his entrance was enough to make him forgo reason and plunge in balls deep. The look of pain and pleasure was kissed away as he waited for his boyfriend to adjust before he began moving, rocking his hips slowly at first. A soft string of his name started before they both knew it needed to be silenced. Mj found it hard to resist considering the way the younger grabbed a stuffed animal and shoved the ear in his mouth to keep his moans down as adorable. Because it was making his cock twitch against the tight walls surrounding it just as much as it was making his heart speed up with cuteness factors.

Picking up the pace he pulled backwards just a little bit before rolling his hips forward causing the younger's back to arch off the bed and his teeth to grind on the animal's ear. Mj found himself swearing at how hot it looked. His hands began running up and down tanned sides before he leaned down lapping at the sweat that was starting to shine across Jinjin's chest. The sweat on both of them was glistening in the room's light, that they hadn't bothered to turn off. Mj could feel his own running down his back as he worked his hips in short thrusts, rolling them, or grinding them against his boyfriend who was fisting the sheets to keep himself from shaking the bed with his returning motions. 

It wasn't working and they both knew it but it wasn't like the whole bunk bed shifted beneath them or anything. Well it wasn't yet at least but Mj had plans to fix that as he lifted one of Jinjin's thighs bringing it over his shoulder as he nibbled on it. He allowed the other to get used to the new position before he started up again this time with his lips and tongue running along the tan thigh. He knew there was no way they were going to last much longer as he began leaving hickies on the inner thigh, the sound of teeth grinding and held back moans filling the room as he ran his hand along the younger's neglected cock. It was weeping precum, slathering it on his hand mixing with the lube from earlier, using it he pumped in time with this languid thrusts. 

As much as he wanted it to last Mj knew that time was almost up and he started picking up the pace again. His thrusts turning more into short jabs of his cock against the bundle of nerves that made Jinjin's back arch, his eyes scrunch up, and his nails dig into Mj's arm. It was sexy as hell and he was going to make him keep doing it as the younger threw his head back, biting back the moans into whimpers against the poor animal's ear. The way his adam's apple bobbed had him seeing stars the moment the younger released into the prepared tissues, walls tightening around him drawing him over the edge as well. 

When they both lay there, panting side by side smelling too much like sweat and sex Mj felt like everything was almost prefect. Then his boyfriend had to open his big mouth. "I told you it wasn't a bad idea." Instead of beating him with the poor stuffed animal, whose ear had definitely seen better days he just pushed him to the unused bed and pouted. Because he wasn't wrong but he wasn't going to let him be right even if the cold shoulder only lasted long enough for Jinjin to roll back over. Then Jinjin was whispering in his ear about what they could get away with in the shower even while the others were home. 

It was then a race to the bathroom for another of his boyfriend's 'bad' ideas even as they heard everyone arriving home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like I'm pretty sure I could keep this running forever~ish? Cause I'm always one stressed ho so I'm like 1000% positive I'd just start something else similar because I'm addicted to Myungjin. But I was thinking of rounding this off at like say 50 chapters? Because who wants to read more than that right? Maybe? Opinions?
> 
> Now tentatively edited


	37. Life is hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one said anything about fifty chapters so I might end on that. I can't believe we're on like 37 to begin with. So we'll just see what happens. I do keep hearing that people like the whole easy going vibe and what not so who knows. And since I'm writing out my stress I may just stop caring about how many chapters it is.

Mj sighed to himself as he sat down with Eunwoo to lemonade. It had been at least a few days since any of them had gotten to relax as they were starting to gear up for some events. They weren't near a comeback per say but they weren't not near one either. That's just how things worked. They were always on the verge of releasing something as soon as the company approved the concept and songs. And they never stopped working on either. They couldn't stop working if he were honest. They might not be 'rookies' anymore in terms of age but they were going to chase everything like they were. 

But he wasn't going to lie and say he didn't enjoy the downtime when it happened. It was espically nice to sit down and talk with his members. Something he felt like he got away from a little bit when he was constantly with his boyfriend. Sometimes it was nice to be away from him too though. 

"So are you aimming for anymore acting gigs?" Mj found himself wondering aloud lost in the beauty known as Eunwoo's face. Anyone would be hard pressed to say that Eunwoo was anything but attractive unless their tastes were just that different. But he'd never met anyone. 

"Ah not for now." Eunwoo smiled at him tightly and Mj knew that there was definitely something on the tall male's mind. He only smiled like that when he had been thinking too much. And like himself Eunwoo liked to keep things bottled up until he couldn't anymore. Luckily for them Eunwoo didn't have a very long fuse and was not good at bottling things up either. 

"Are you sure? One day the requests might not come." Mj sipped his lemonade quietly watching the younger's reaction. It was just the two of them and they could be honest with each other about their worries. Though Eunwoo was more likely to confide in Moonbin or Jinjin than him he figured it was worth a shot if it would get rid of the ever presistent frown he'd been wearing anytime he could get away with it. 

"I know..." Mj frowned at that tone of voice and response it wasn't the one that the taller usually gave and it worried him more. But he waited as it looked like Eunwoo had more to say. "It's just that I want to focus on Astro. I want to be Astro's Eunwoo." Mj swallowed thickly as he went on, understanding dawning. "It just seems like lately no one sees me as a singer. I debuted as a singer I want to be a singer actor. I want to us to make it big together. I don't want to walk this path alone or become a burden."

Suddenly Mj wasn't sure what to say to that. Of course he was touched, he wanted Astro as a whole to make it big too. To keep going on with all of them for as long as possible and maybe even longer. The life of an idol was never that easy though. There were many things they had to watch out for. New groups, scandals, dating, promotions, and the direction their company led them in. Not everything ther company did so far was to their liking. Obviously not everthing would be. The fact that Jinjin and him were able to date aside the way they kept pushing Eunwoo wasn't healthy and they all worried about him. Not to mention some other choices they made about things were questionable. But they had to have faith. Their company wasn't perfect but they all knew that when they signed and there were very few companies that were perfect. 

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up." Eunwoo was speaking again and Mj shook his head violently because he hadn't realized he'd been quiet that long. 

"No it's fine. I want us to succeed as Astro too. To me you'll always be Astro's Eunwoo. The pretty one who people ignore my boyfriend for." Mj smirked at the chuckle that got him and smiled wider this is the Eunwoo he liked seeing. The one who wasn't too hard on himself or over thinking too much. "It's okay to get yourself known too though. It does draw in more fans but you're also really good at acting and we'll always support you." He allowed himself the serious tone and words before taking another sip of his lemonade. The cafe they were in was deserted anyway, well save for the bunch of girls that were entering now. He looked over at them and watched as their jaws dropped at the sight of Eunwoo. There didn't seem to be too much recognition in their eyes meaning they weren't Aroha, but he knew one full look at Eunwoo and they would be. He could understand that. But he also understood where Eunwoo wanted to be known for more than just his face. 

"You know I worry too." Mj looked down at his drink with a frown he hadn't expected to be opening up today but knew that he could trust Eunwoo. "I worry that our fans will never see me either." He didn't need to look to know that the younger was giving him a disbelieving look because he was always so confident about things even in front of the other members most of the time. Well except when they went drinking but he wasn't sure how much of that Eunwoo actually remembered and he knew Jinjin had never told anyone about his break downs over comments. They all had them though. But this was different. He knew he'd never talked about this.

"I know you're wondering what I mean but...I worry that the fans will never see my depth behind my childish actions. Sure they know it's my job as the oldest to act like the youngest and my personality is very out there sometimes..." He found himself faltering as he stared into deep dark eyes so he looked down at his drink. Letting his thoughts form a little more concretely as he listened to the giggling girls at the counter. "I worry that maybe instead of being seen as me I'm only seen as the happy virus." He finally finished staring at his drink. It wasn't the same as Eunwoo's problem but he could understand a little at least. "I know it's hard to be seen as only one thing but that doesn't define you. You're Astro's Eunwoo while you're also Dongmin. And I think one day people are going to forget there is a difference and just come to love you."

Eunwoo smiled and took a sip of his drink, the giggling girls were now squealing but neither of them paid them any mind as they stood as one to leave. "I don't think you delivered very well but I understand. Thank you Mj." As they left Mj spotted a more sincere smiled and let himself feel happy he'd at least gotten that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this went unexpected places.


	38. Five months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell... I just realized I've been working on this for five months...It feels like it all just flew by. Especially when I go back and read it myself. (Because I do, not just for edits but because I also wrote a bunch of my stuff for myself too) 
> 
> I think looking back at the chapters, even for stress writing, I can see where I've grown.

"I don't like this concept." It had been Sanha for once who was making his opinion known and like it tended to happen frequently Mj was in agreement. The concept wasn't something that screamed Astro, certainly they wanted to try something darker and less cute but this was not it.

"I think this is a great concept." The only one who was nodding their head was the person who had suggested it in the meeting. They were at a table of at least ten different people discussing what kind of comeback they would be having. They'd so far stuck with cute concepts and some fans were wanting them to branch out. While Mj wanted to not every concept was a concept they were going to be good at it. Nor were they something they wanted to do. 

"I agree with Sanha." Mj shook his head and didn't bother to look over at the other members who he could hear shifting in their seats. They were only twenty minutes into the meeting and already on their second rejection. "I can't see how vampires would be a good theme to show our love for Aroha." He added with another shake of his head. 

"Eternal love is really popular you know." The suggester countered with a raised eyebrow but luckily before anyone else could say anything the PD was bringing up the next concept idea. It wasn't quite as outlandish as vampires nor was it as sexy. It wasn't like Sanha was of age yet and Mj really didn't want to have to deal with their underage baby doing more than he already was in trying to act older than he was.

The next idea was also tossed out because the PD wasn't quite as fond of the ideas that cropped up with it. And the next idea was introduced timidly by someone the company had newly hired in this department. "What about a pet shop of horrors sort of concept? Where Aroha are the pets, full of wonder and beauty but uncommon and misunderstood while Astro are the outlandish but delightful shop keepers?"

Mj knew he wasn't the only one to perk up at that idea as he heard both Moonbin and Eunwoo shifting their attention back from the paper shuffling they'd been doing before. "Or the other way around." The woman suggested with a frown when all eyes were on her. Mj smiled softly at that. She didn't regain her confidence in what she had suggested until the PD had placed his hand under his chin and motioned for her continue. "Astro could be supernatural pets that need to find homes with Aroha." 

"I like this idea. We could be some really interesting types of pets and only the shop keeper knows how to keep us happy and find us the perfect home with Aroha. It would be cute but creepy with twinges of dark." Mj smiled at the ideas filling his head then shook them away with a smirk. Not all of them had been work appropriate but he could tell Jinjin about them later when they weren't in a room full of people. Because while everyone in the room knew they were dating they didn't need to know how he'd just pictured his boyfriend. For now he would just listen to the others who gave input on the idea. Holding back images of Jinjin with cute little dots on his skin and some ears that looked way too cute on him. He found himself zoning out to the image just a little bit before snapping back into the meeting. It wasn't like he didn't have pictures from fansigns of his boyfriend in cat ears and chokers. 

"I like it too. We could each be different types of creatures like Sanha here could be a cute little furbaby that needs a good home but when he's startled he shoots spikes out of his wrist or something." It was Moonbin talking now with a shine in his eyes that had been absent throughout the first part of the meeting. And he kept coming up with more ideas for creatures and all Mj could do was smile fondly at him. It was completely obvious how much One Piece the boy had seen from some of his suggestions but they were cute. Until he got to Jinjin. "Then Jinjin could be the shop keeper and..."

MJ allowed himself to follow along loving the concept the more they added. And he kept himself from smiling too wide at the images that were not Jinjin as the shop keeper that refused to stop filling his head. He had to force himself to focus by taking notes, which were trying to turn into doodles, while adding his own input. "I think Eunwoo should be a fairy." He threw into the discussion and things got even more heated from there as they all debated what line of creatures to go with. Pretty and magical or supernatural and scary. Mj liked the idea of a mix of both and from the sounds of the meeting going around him as he doodled Jinjin with wings and a horn, everyone else did too.

When the meeting finally ended, the pet shop concept decided upon and everyone pretty happy with it Mj sidled up to his boyfriend. While no one was looking he snuck in a groping of Jinjin's perfect ass before they made their way to the next destination. It was going to be a long time before he could openly tell the younger what he'd been thinking as they still had a day of schedules ahead of them. And now that the concept was decided upon and some of their songs selected they had to get to work on more. And work the ones they did have into the concept better. The title song was already made though so it was just the side tracks they would have to fine tune into submissions for appraisal. 

Jinjin only smacked his hand away with a wink and Mj loved the way the shorter melted into his side as they walked, not afraid to be open in the company building. Well not open but showing more skinship than they did at broadcasting stations. But as they walked the other members fell in line and they began discussing their concept amongst themselves. It wasn't often that they got to give as much input into the style of the concept. It was more often they were given what to wear and what to be. Though they all knew that later once the higher ups had their own meeting about it their ideas may be abandoned. Mj certainly hoped not as the creature ideas they had were both creepy and cute. And maybe just on the border of sexy and mature. 

The concept they'd decided upon it felt like a transition into something new, a natural transition he was sure that the fans could all accept. The ones who wanted the cute and those that wanted the dark and mature. He was sure there would be something for everyone. Including him as he pictured Jinjin dressed up as a cute but daringly exposed half puppy or maybe a charming faye creature that had too much glitter on it's skin. The possibilities were limitless and each of them included Jinjin in short shorts in his fantasies. He found himself looking forward to the comeback stage wear this time around. Maybe a little more than he had been the last one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all those wanting a dark concept for Astro instead of cute, you can fight me. I agree they would do well on dark but not all dark is the same and not all sexy is right for every group. It's got to fit them. Like imagine Monsta X doing a cute ducky concept (God kill me at the thought I'm so up for Lee Minhyuk in pastel cute concept overalls with ducks on them) it's just weird and not them right? Same for Astro a bloody in your face scary concept is not them. Not yet anyway maybe when they are a little more mature and can handle a bug. Or maybe a transition from cute to mature concepts not just a leap. My heart can't take it. Sanha is my baby, he's 3 okay?
> 
> But I do want something like I described from either of my bias groups. Like I'd pay good money for this. Give it to me Fantagio. (If you all read Order Up it was a lot like the Dream Café concept before it even came out if I called this one by accident too I'll die happy just saying)


	39. A hop and a skip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally didn't just jump through all of my current projects because I'm jittery from coffee and my poor adult decision making skills...Nope...
> 
> Anyway I hadn't really planned to update this as I just started something new...again...you'd think I'd learn my lesson.

Mj had only just finished his latest art project, well art V-live because Aroha seemed to really enjoy watching him paint phone cases and he enjoyed doing it, when Jinjin was pulling him somewhere. It turned out somewhere was to the studio where he then watched, enjoyed, and questioned why his boyfriend was dancing for hours. 

It wasn't that he minded, not in the least. He just knew it meant something was up. They were still perfecting their choreography for their newest comeback and Rocky was helping to work on it. The tracks were running smoothly, and as far as he knew so were things with the company. So he found himself wondering why Jinjin was stress dancing and had felt the need to bring him along for extra comfort. Though he'd admit it was kind of nice to freestyle with his boyfriend without judgmental eyes every now and again.

Finally when his boyfriend was exhausted, panting and sweating against the mirror he was leaning back into did he finally broach the subject. He started with a peace offering of water knowing that jumping right into questioning never got him anywhere he wanted to be. He'd known that long before they'd started dating and it hadn't changed just because they now had couple rings. Things like this needed to be taken at Jinjin's pace.

"So want to talk about it?" He didn't feel the need to supply context to his question their position in front the practice room mirror at well past midnight already said plenty. But he did refrain from looking at his boyfriend, this was a worse situation than when they went out with the intention of getting 'smashed'. Jinjin had only brought him twice before when he was stress dancing and one of those times had been before they were dating. Back when they were both stressed out of their minds about their album and needed to blow off steam. This was different. Jinjin hadn't said a word all night.

"Not really." Jinjin's voice was soft after he took a swig of water and Mj looked at him from the corner of his eye. He wasn't smiling but he wasn't frowning either which was at least a good sign. "I mean kind of." Jinjin was sighing now leaning his head back against the mirror and Mj made a mental note to clean up the sweat mark that would be there before they left for the night. 

"Jinwoo if you don't tell me what's going on in that beautiful head of yours I'm going to make better use of this mirror than to lean against." Mj knew his tone was a little more on the serious side than he intended for the moment. But he would be lying to say that watching his boyfriend freestyle wasn't hot as hell. And with the mirror there and the hip thrusting it had been hard to keep his thoughts to himself. It helped that he got up to dance too and wasn't that far from as exhausted as Jinjin was. 

"I'm not sure if for you that's a very good threat to use." Jinjin's voice had just the right lilt to it as he pressed their knees together in the small space they occupied together, eyes locking. But neither moved further and another sigh escaped Jinjin's lips ten seconds later as he looked up at the ceiling and away from Mj's eyes. "I'm just a little upset about not being able to help much. I can't choreograph like Rocky can and lately I keep seeing all these posts online..." He trailed off and Mj wondered what sites his boyfriend had been going to again. It wasn't healthy but they all slipped into sites they shouldn't sometimes when they were feeling low. Negativity was already so hard to avoid and too easy to find. 

When Jinjin didn't immediately continue he nudged him with his shoulder. There had been a time when their leader had walked him through this kind of moment as well. It had been awhile ago now and the first time had happened long before their actual debut. Jinjin had also helped Moonbin and Sanha through it as well. He was a good leader like that and Mj knew that they all appreciated it more than words could actually express. "I won't scold you for stumbling upon them." Mj finally said when the silence stretched too long their panting already having subsided. 

"It's silly really." Jinjin sighed again and Mj knew that it wasn't. Jinjin didn't sigh for things that were silly and didn't actually bother him. "I just keep seeing posts about our dancer line and for some reason Aroha seem to be surprised I'm on it." Mj watched his boyfriend shake his head, droplets of sweat landing all around them that he made another mental note about. "I used to dance a lot more and maybe it just doesn't seem like I'm a good dancer anymore."

"That's the biggest piece of non-fact I've heard all week." Mj huffed though he completely understood where Jinjin was coming from. How could he not? With his history and his voice constantly being questioned for such and such reason. Their industry was not a kind one. While it gave them their dreams it also tended to tread upon them as if they were nothing. "You're one of the best dancers I've ever seen let alone had the privilege to know. Or...well you know..." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and relished the smooth chuckle and blush that got him. "Like you told me before our fans aren't always sensitive." He trailed off wondering where his point had been when their knees brushed again. 

He was already having enough trouble keeping his mind clear enough for this without Jinjin making things worse by licking his lips as he stared at him listening. Mj had to mentally shake himself to get back on point. "Just because our Aroha are shocked doesn't mean they don't recognize your skills. It might be they didn't know about you before recently. We're getting bigger and bigger that means newer Aroha who may not have looked into what we did before debut. You're amazing even without the dancing though." 

Jinjin perked up at that and Mj felt a little bit proud of himself for a moment seeing the softly growing smile on his boyfriend and leader's face. He briefly wondered if maybe that was enough before he shook his head. Of course that wasn't enough praise. "Even if they don't think of you as a dancer Jinwoo they think of you as Astro's leader, and a damn good one at that." He smirked nudging the shorter's shoulder one more time. He felt a jolt run down his spine at the contact. "It's not easy for someone to accept that someone is so multi talented so they tend to focus on the bigger talent at hand. With you it's that you lead us so well and your smooth rap flow." 

At this point Mj registered he was licking his own lips while staring at Jinjin's, and when their eyes met he felt the emptiness of the room around them. He knew that it wasn't likely anyone was going to happen by the practice room they were using. Well not likely but not unheard of, which was why they'd hung up a sign it was in use over the window. It was becoming really, really hard not to think about all the daydreams, night dreams, and fantasies he'd had about them being alone in a practice room on such an occasion. But he couldn't do that to his boyfriend who was obviously struggling with an issue which was why they were there to begin with. It was all about Jinjin's dancing and hip thrusting and skills and he had to stop that train of thought right there. 

Glancing away he shook away the thoughts that weren't related to the problem at hand, including the one growing in his pants now that he was finally settling down after their dance session. "It doesn't mean you're a bad dancer Jinwoo or that they even think so. They are just surprised by something that hadn't occurred them. And you could choreograph as well you just need to take lessons like you are for producing and I'm sure you'd master it in no time."

When Mj finally looked back over Jinjin was still blushing and was wearing the biggest grin he'd seen in a few days as they'd been too busy to even breathe for the most part. "Thank you Myungjun." Mj felt his own cheeks heating up now as lips descended upon his. One kiss lead another then to three more and before either of them knew it they were trading small pecks that soon turned into open mouths fogging the mirror behind them as only turned enough to reach each other's lips.

Mj wasn't sure when one event lead to the other after that because his mind had fogged over with the proximity of his boyfriend's lips and body that close to his own. He could almost say that he wasn't sure how they'd gotten there. As one minute they'd been having a very serious discussion and the next minute Jinjin was climbing into his lap whispering in his ear there were several types of dances he was good at. That would be a lie though as he'd had a hard time keeping his eyes off of his boyfriend's hips after he'd started dancing. But just as soon as their lips met again, with Jinjin towering over him, several things happened at once. There had been a loud crash, the sound of the door closing, and a very violently loud 'Hyungs' that had followed. 

"I guess that means our time is up." Jinjin sighed and Mj followed suit this time hitting his head up against the mirror he was still sitting in front of. Really he should have known better when they had disappeared for hours upon hours with only leaving a note of where they were. It had only been a matter of time before one of the members came to check on them really. That member was apparently Sanha who hadn't thought that maybe dancing wasn't the only things his hyungs might do in a dance studio. And Mj wasn't going to say that he wasn't okay with that mindset because it meant a lot less trouble for them.

"So much for all my fantasies." Mj allowed himself to say it out loud this time as Jinjin smirked down at him. He could tell from the not quite chaste kiss that followed that if Sanha weren't outside swearing up a storm they wouldn't have been stopped. But he didn't say anything as his boyfriend got up, made sure they were both presentable, and went to go calm down their problem child. 

"Next time we'll lock the door." Jinjin threw over his shoulder with a teasing smirk and Mj paused in his tracks having to stop his brain from running away with him again. Instead he took care of the mental cleaning list he'd made while Sanha was drug into the practice room with assurances they hadn't done anything to desecrate it. He noted that his boyfriend hadn't said that they wouldn't and he found himself shutting down on the thought of next time. He could worry about it later and hopefully next time was just about 'them time' and not about the stresses that Jinjin had to work out of his body by dancing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So are you still enjoying this? Are my author's notes boring? I feel like they are really all over the place. But it's me...and if you'd met me you wouldn't really be surprised. 
> 
> Oh btw this was inspired by real comments and posts I saw. SO appreciate dancer Jinwoo! Our leader works really hard and he's an amazing dancer don't sleep on him. He's got a history of dance you know. (I'm melting with the thought of how precious he is)


	40. I'm feeling a bit sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are on forty, the big 40. I haven't ever written this many chapters on one piece before. I never expected it to be on this which I originally never planned to post.
> 
> I'm sort of sad right now because I just deleted a different work that I lost my motivation for and it seemed no one was reading. It's in it's own way heartbreaking. Sometimes it's a real struggle to write when you can never know how someone else sees your work.

It was raining and they were just pulling up to the venue for the day but Mj couldn't find it in himself to smile that large. Things were going smoothly this comeback which was good but only a few days ago he'd caught a cold and it had him feeling a little under the weather. He still wasn't really feeling like acting like the happy virus on and off camera today but the moment he stepped out of the van he was going to suck it up and do it anyway. It was his job, and more than that he was tired of the worried faces around him. He was sick not dying.

He knew that wasn't the whole truth either he was sad. Not the depressed and mopey sort of sad that they talked about all over the news and TV. It wasn't something that he always felt but sometimes it crept up on him and settled into his bones. Even with Jinjin sitting right there next to him leaning on his shoulder, their fingers intertwined and keeping him in reality, he was sad.

Though he knew the group understood with the smiles they gave him as well as the way they acted more hyped than he felt. Though he still forced himself to join in despite the way that Jinjin was telling him that he didn't have to if he didn't want. It was times like this he felt blessed beyond measure to be a part of something like Astro. It was a godsend in his life after the whole JYP fiasco. He'd been sad a lot then too only there were good reasons for it. Now he was just sad. And he like everyone else knew that were just some days that being sad was what you were. 

The first time it had happened he had worried endlessly about hiding it. Back when they had first become a group and weren't that close. Then Jinjin the great leader that he is had pulled them all into a 'family' meeting and they'd talked about how he wanted them to be open about the things that were bothering them. He had been forced forward back then but now years later he came forward on his own. And so did the others creating a healthy work environment that allowed them to be themselves as much as possible. It was nice, it was comforting. 

When they finally pulled back up the dorm for the night Mj was just glad to able to curl up around his boyfriend in bed and sleep. It was all he had wanted to do that day. But every time it had felt like it might be too much there was a member there reminding him that everything was going to be okay. That even if he wasn't that sunshine for that day they would fill in for him and he needn't worry about it. And it helped knowing that they cared that much not just for their image but for him in the way they did the little things, like not picking on him, getting him drinks, smiling at him more, making him laugh, all while letting him be sad. Because they all knew like every storm it would pass and he'd back shining for them. 

Jinjin had only smiled when he curled into him asking to be the little spoon that night and kissed his forehead telling him how much he loved him. Assuring him that even if he was sad tomorrow that he'd still be there with him. Mj fell asleep with a small smile and the warmest arms in the universe wrapped around him and he knew there was no way he could be sad tomorrow. Though he also knew if he was these arms would still be there holding him making it almost all better just by themselves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just wanna take a moment here and thank everyone who is still reading this mess. I know it's long and all over the place but I'm glad you're enjoying it. Honestly it makes me kind of nervous? Like you've probably come to expect a certain quality from me, despite this being a de~stress piece.
> 
> Now I don't know when this will end we're on chapter 40 now and to be honest that's the most chapters I've ever written in my life. So I want to thank everyone who by being here reading has made it possible. 
> 
> I'm actually a very shy~ish person and my confidence isn't as high as I like to pretend so it's really flattering to see this many people reading. Esp knowing this isn't, in my book, my best work. So thank you. I'll keep going so please keep enjoying.


	41. Over it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week...well it's been a week for me being politically bogged down. (I won't go into it though just know it stresses me the fuck out like every other adult)
> 
> I meant to write more this week...I'm behind for the first time in a minute...Because I decided to drink, watch bl dramas, and veg on my couch. Bad Shini, bad. 
> 
> I'll get around to it though I don't know how to leave things alone for too long. And it stresses me out more to have not done all my updates...

The day had started too early in Mj's books. It wasn't really uncommon for them to start this early. Just normally it started with Jinjin's kisses but that wasn't happening today as Jinjin wasn't in bed. Instead he was with Eunwoo in a hotel room across the globe, well not really the globe but a few cities over, filming something or other. It had been considered more cost efficient that they stay on location rather than driving everyday for however long it took to shoot. Mj had been told, he was sure at least three times but he hadn't wanted to listen then. Instead he'd wanted to spend the time cuddling and pretending it wasn't going to happen. 

Despite all his pretending he couldn't deny he'd woken up alone. Which had happened before due to various reasons throughout their relationship. The latest had been when they had a fight over something trivial and Jinjin had, instead of coming to bed, slept on the couch. It wasn't until the next morning though that Mj found him. His boyfriend was snoring with lyrics in hand, and a trail of drool. It was then he realized it wasn't so much Jinjin didn't come to bed as he got caught up working. After reading the lyrics he realized that their fight had been dumb and he never wanted to go to bed angry again. Luckily making up didn't take quite as long as their fight did. 

After which Sanha had side eyed them while both Rocky and Moonbin made fun of how petty they had been. Though no one thought it was a big deal, because it wasn't. Couples fought sometimes and they were no exception just like their group fought sometimes. But they had learned to handle it with maturity which is what he and Jinjin would have to do after couple fights. Because he wasn't willing to risk it all for something dumb and as Eunwoo later told him not even important. But Mj wasn't going to tell any of them that the make-up sex might have them petty fighting just to make up. 

But as it was this morning there was no making up to do. There was only getting around and getting ready for his own schedules that he was obligated to see to. Nothing too major just recording for a different project that he and Rocky were working on not so secretly. 

As the day drifted through the hours it was getting harder and harder to go without his boyfriend's kisses, sly touches, or mere presence. He was glad that Jinjin at least messaged them as a group but there were no private messages. It didn't worry him. They were idols after all and they weren't going to risk everything over a few sweet words. 

He had started the day with that thought at least but as he was crawling back in bed, Jinjin still in a hotel room with Eunwoo he wasn't sure he could abide by his own decision. It was hard. Harder than when he had to sleep in a different bunk, harder than when he had to fake flirt, and harder than watching Jinjin fake flirt. Because at least then Jinjin was there. Not in some hotel room where he couldn't even see him. 

Sanha, Rocky, and Moonbin had all tried to cheer him up, as well as each other. They could feel a distinct difference in the energy flow of their group when one of the members was missing. It was even more noticeable when it was two. And as the eldest more responsibilities landed on him. It was nice in the same ways it wasn't nice. Being the hyung was a great feeling but being the hyung in charge not so much. 

With those thoughts in mind he tried to recall how long he'd have to suffer. Just as his phone started ringing and he thought he might die of happiness. "Jinjin," He greeted cheerfully as he answered the face time call. He couldn't say anything too cute or sweet until he was sure it was safe. "we've missed you and Eunwoo back a the dorm."

On the screen his boyfriend smiled at him leaning in real close before kissing the screen, with an audible noise. Mj wanted to cringe, he wanted to find it cheesy, he wanted to call it fanservice and be pouty. He couldn't though because his face was too red and his mind too blank to do more than blink as his boyfriend spoke his own cheeks pink. "I missed you too." Mj knew that was the cue that they were indeed alone but still Jinjin clarified like the good boyfriend he liked to be. "It's safe. I'm holed up in the bathroom while Eunwoo is already asleep." 

Mj noticed the circles growing under their leader's eyes probably from worrying about him and the others. "I really missed you." He admitted softly tucking the phone in a place that would prop it up but still allow him to lay there on his belly. They traded stories about their days for awhile and it felt like all too soon Jinjin was leaving. Mj had known their call couldn't last very long as they both had to be up early. 

"Myungjun I love you." Jinjin's voice was soft as he rubbed at his eye and Mj wished he was beside him so he could pinch his boyfriend's adorable cheeks. Then kiss them before pulling the shorter into his arms for the night. 

He couldn't so instead he answered back. "I love you too Jinwoo. Do a good job so you can come back." He smiled sleepily and the phone went black. He stared at it for another long minute anyway the last thing he'd heard was Eunwoo's soft voice saying that he needed to use the bathroom. 

Mj found himself cuddling a plush he hadn't used in a long time that night as he drifted off to sleep his thoughts wrapped around how proud he was. And how he'd much rather be telling Jinjin that as he wrapped his body around him rather than over a phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone reading the things I didn't update...I'll be editing them instead so updates will be next week. I'll push for earlier but I sincerely doubt it.
> 
> And thank you to those that wrote comments last chapter to make me feel better. They definitely did the job <3 I appreciate your support! ^.~ <3


	42. I'm going to die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've seen previews from Kcon and I'm going to die. Jinjin and his pretty face are going to murder my happy ass. Not to mention Mj who thinks just because boyfie is an ult he can be one too. That's not how it works. 
> 
> (I don't know who I'm fooling here I'm whipped)

Mj had been going crazy. It had only been a few days so far and Jinjin had at least called him or texted him everyday while he was away filming but it just didn't make him feel much better. After all it wasn't quite the same as waking up with his boyfriend snuggled up to him, or feeling his warm lips pressed against any of his skin. He wasn't feeling picky at this point. Jinjin could have kissed his nose and he'd be ecstatic in the way only five year olds seem capable of. He'd prove everyone wrong if he could only feel those soft lips on him anywhere! 

When the manager had finally had enough of his whining he was allowed half a day of free time. The maximum that could be spared so that he could go eat lunch with his boyfriend. At the time he'd been so elated that he'd almost forgotten to set it up with Jinjin. Who when he received the call had been reluctant and worried. Which Mj could understand as they were more likely to get caught if he was seen somewhere he by rights shouldn't be, aka the set of whatever they were filming. It had taken a hell of a lot of convincing on Mj's part but eventually Mj was given permission on the grounds they ate at the hotel. 

Which led him here to the massive hotel where Eunwoo and Jinjin were sharing a room somewhere on the twentieth floor. The elevator ride had at least been quiet, the manager playing on his phone while Mj thought about what he was going to say. It had only been a few days but what he wanted to say he probably couldn't say with Eunwoo in the room, well not without repercussions of embarrassment. If it was Sanha he'd have gone for it just for the ew factor from their youngest.

He knew he didn't have a reason to be nervous as he stood in front of the hotel room door, the manager he was with already disappearing into their other manager's room next door. Yet that was how he found himself, it was still early and he had maybe two hours of the four hours they'd given him free. Long enough for lunch and then some if they were quick about it. He could feel the red gathering on his face at the thought. It wasn't like there was going to be a place for that, not to mention time if he just kept standing there with the lunchbox in hand. It took more of his nerves to knock than he had thought it would as he tried to quell his impossible thoughts.

When the door swung open he felt all his nervousness melt away to the place of nonexistence that it belonged. Melted by the blissful and bashful around the edges smile that his boyfriend was giving him as he invited him in. The eye smile would have had anyone swooning and he was no exception. He made his way through the threshold settling the bag with the lunchbox he'd made on the floor while he took off his shoes. He took a moment to glance up only to see Jinjin's looming shadow. 

"I missed you." He heard the words but it felt like everything was going in slow motion as he was moving and he knew really should have expected this. Mj found himself pressed up against the door, arms on either side of his face as Jinjin tiptoed his way into being taller to look down at him. He smiled though not objecting and he felt something else melt when a hand ran along his cheek. 

"I'm pretty sure I missed you more." He teased sticking his tongue out knowing that now was definitely not the time or place for the look in his boyfriend's eyes even if he wanted to give in. Though Mj could admit that his own eyes probably weren't any less hungry with the feeling of the shorter male's body mere inches from his own. At his words though the younger only shook his head and went to pull away.

Mj wanted to pull him back but he didn't, instead taking in the room. It had two beds which he'd hadn't really been expecting since it was entirely too common for the company to book them a king. Or at least it was when Jinjin and him were sharing a room even before they were dating. Unless the company had known something they hadn't back then. "Where's Eunwoo?" He asked curiously as Jinjin rifled through the bag he'd brought with him. The official reason he was there was that Jinjin and Eunwoo had left something important at the dorm and Mj had a schedule in this direction. It wasn't likely anyone would ask but it was better to be prepared than caught off guard. 

"He's out eating with the staff," Jinjin winked at him throwing out a tiny hand heart as he took the food over to the small table setting it down. When he turned back around he was smiling standing against the backdrop of the city and it was breathtaking. "I told them I had a heart flutter and needed to rest it away."

The gummy smile that his boyfriend flashed him told Mj only part of that sentence was true but his own heart fluttered anyway. It couldn't be helped at the adoring look that was being tossed so casually in his direction. It admittedly made his knees weak which he allowed himself to use as an excuse to trap the other against the table. Pressing his body right up against the smaller one, hands on either side of the small surface the table offered. Just enough to place Jinjin's perfect ass on and fuck him. Not that he was going to but he couldn't help registering the information in his mind. "I really missed you." He found himself admitting openly as he placed his lips over Jinijn's enjoying the way they fit perfectly. As if they were meant to be. 

Mj found he couldn't stop with just one, pecking another atop the cute mole under his boyfriend's lip, another to the side, and yet another to the other side. Then he was aligning them again parting Jinjin's beneath his own as he pushed forward, arms wrapping around a strudy neck. He could feel himself being pulled closer as their tongues got reacquainted, dancing between them while the space filled with small moans. 

"I really missed you too." Jinjin smiled again when they pulled back, their breath coming in small pants between them. Mj was under no impression that it was his boyfriend's cellphone digging into his thigh as they stood there not even an inch between them. The bag with the food had been pushed against the window the further he'd leaned in leaving Jinjin almost sprawled out on his back. 

Mj swallowed looking down at the delectable sight. He'd brought food that would last if it wasn't refrigerated right away. He knew he could get away with a few more minutes of this, bodies intertwined, starved lips connected, and the only sounds needed those of pleasure. "How long before Eunwoo gets back?" He finally asked, eyes half lidded as Jinjin had taken to running a finger down his nape the other hand drifting over his cheek. 

"Time enough." It was an invasive answer which meant that his boyfriend wasn't sure either. And Mj knew this wasn't a good idea, that there probably wasn't time, and if Eunwoo walked in on them they were going to be dead men. Yet he couldn't stop after thinking about it for a second he pulled back, grabbed the food, winked and shoved it the in the fridge. There was then a flurry of movement as Jinjin took the hint and he raced to the door locking it before they both shimmied out of their clothes. 

Everything was quick, needy, and sinful as they lunged onto the bed. Hands roaming, lips claiming, and tongues battling for domain. It wasn't the slow steady love making that Mj had been thinking about when he was standing outside the door it was more desperate than that. It was the assurance that they still knew every inch of each other like they knew themselves. The climax climbing higher, and higher with each caress. Fast and merciless as they tried to devour everything that the other was. It was messy, wanton, and everything that Mj never knew he wanted from a reuniting. 

When they finally pulled up for air there were no regrets as they cuddled for a moment before a quick dig for clothes, their phones, and then an even quicker shower. Then the food was placed out their stomachs growling at the exercise they'd gone through. Mj smiled to himself looking at the view as he watched Jinjin shoving his mouth full of food.

They'd just finished not twenty minutes ago and were now sitting around in their boxers, Eunwoo's text sitting between them on Mj's phone. It was telling them to take their time. Mj smirked at the clock it'd been sent an hour ago, though they'd ignored it too busy trying to find each other's tonsils rather than a phone. As it was there was maybe twenty minutes of the time he'd been allotted and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to spend every last minute of it soaking up the scenery. Which just happened to be his boyfriend, hair disheveled, crumpled sheets on the bed they'd made love in, and a peripheral of a skyline he didn't know.

He listened intently as Jinjin went on about the work he was doing and Mj told him how the dorm was faring. When the manager finally came knocking it felt more like they had escaped from their idol lives for just a moment. A fleeting moment that hadn't been long enough. Mj was appeased when he got a kiss on the cheek before the door was opened and a promise that Jinjin would be home soon. He felt warm and fuzzy all the way to the car, and then into the dorm. Where he shared the news with the other members that Eunwoo and Jinjin would be home in a few more days. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone on Twitter (@jaeroot I'm looking at you) wanted me to write about a date. Well it's probably not quite what you were wanting but...I'll maybe one day work a baseball au when I'm not hating on sports lol I wouldn't hold your breath though. 
> 
> Just so you know this chapter totally inspired by Jinjin's tweets. And this chapter is junk. I'm sorry


	43. Push and Pull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stressed no one likes my serious works as much as I do. I'd ask why I'm like this but you all know by now I freak out every so often. It'll pass and it's my fault for never being consistent in my writing style from story to story. And not even lowkey writing those ones for myself. 
> 
> Oh well on with it. Typo ridden and all. (I'll fix them later like I always do)

Mj was glad Jinjin was home it was great. Except everything got ten times louder and he'd had it all the way up to somewhere around Sanha's height with noise, and people, and everyone, and everything. Jinjin included in that. Not because he was mad at anyone or everything he was just tired, cranky, and overall grumpy. It was their first real day in off forever. Well maybe not forever but since they'd started promoting a month or two ago. He wasn't complaining, gods was he far from complaining.

Everything was great. They'd won on several music shows with their concept, six shows exactly enough for one win for each member. It was great. It was everything they'd dreamed of. Minus the lack of sleep, lack of personal space, no free time to think of, and just too much time together. It was something they'd have to get used to as growing idols. It was normal and common to want their space after spending years living together in a small dorm even though it was enjoyable. It was just cramped and subject to the problems of living in a confined space. There were too many things and too many people to keep from bumping into them.

Or the little problem with noise levels and thin doors which he was having now. Since there were no schedules he was not going to get up unless he absolutely had to in case of a fire. That hadn't stopped his boyfriend from asking if he wanted to earlier when he'd finally roused from the bed himself at a decent hour of two in the afternoon. It was now two thirty and Mj knew he would sleep for seven more hours if the others would keep it down that long. Which didn't seem to be the case as Sanha was screeching over a video game while Jinjin oversaw the fair play between Rocky and Moonbin. 

It was moments like this Mj had to forcefully remind himself that he loved them and didn't want them to be silenced forever in his sleep hazed mind. Unlike Jinjin who had fallen asleep and stayed that way he'd only drifted in and out of the bliss known as rest. Though it was nice being able to just lay there knowing they didn't have anywhere to be it was hard to relax. They'd won and he wanted to keep winning, but the cost was steep. In the last couple of months he'd gone some days with only getting three hours of sleep, if that and then performing. On top of that there were a lot of people to meet and cameras to smile for under heavy make-up so no one could see he was tired. 

And now that he 'could' rest, sleep the day away at least, he wasn't really able to. The spot beside him was cold and so was the bed and they were being entirely too loud for him to sleep in these conditions. But he didn't want to venture out of it because he didn't really want to see anyone for even a few hours. So instead he curled into himself and thought about all the moments and hard work that led to this moment that led to their winning. It made his heart warm. All the love they'd received, watching Aroha cheer for them, cheering for each other, the sleepiness and sleepless nights. It was in many ways as bad as before debut because they had an image now, something to keep up.

It was a lot of pressure, pressure that would be easy to fall under. He knew they could withstand but that didn't make it feel less like standing on the edge of a knife. And that was why he didn't sleep well. It wasn't how sore his body was, Jinjin's soft snores, or the noise. It was the scary reality they lived. But he didn't want them to see that. Didn't want any of them to see that. Because he was tired of hearing they'd make it. He knew that. He knew they'd keep going. That they'd continue to make their dreams come true. He just wanted to not be okay for a moment and be alone to gather up himself in that knowledge.

He wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep but he must have because someone was shaking his shoulder. When he cracked his eye open it was Jinjin, smiling down at him with so much love in his eyes. Mj felt a little guilty for not wanting to see him earlier but his boyfriend only smiled when he sat up. "What time is it?" His voice was hoarse and he was sure it had to be earlier than it felt.

"It's only four." Jinjin's voice was smooth as was the motion of him brushing away the hair that was matted to Mj's forehead. It felt nice but he still didn't really feel like seeing anyone or leaving the bed. "I came to see if you wanted something to eat. You don't feel warm so is this just a I want to sleep the day away day?" Mj only thought about it for a moment before nodding into the hand that was still caressing his forehead. It was still nice and even though he didn't want to see anyone he didn't mind if his boyfriend stayed like that, smiling down at him understanding. 

"Food does sound okay but getting up sounds like a hassle." Mj finally answered when the question in younger's eye didn't leave. His answer only got him a bigger smile and he wondered what he'd done to deserve someone as understanding and kind as his boyfriend.

"I'll bring something in for us. That is if you don't mind me joining you?" It was an earnest question and Mj appreciated it because it meant that his boyfriend was okay no matter the answer. So he thought about it in earnest as well. Jinjin only continued to smile at him and he remembered the last time the younger had been in this mood and he'd tried to be supportive, he probably hadn't done as good a job at it though. 

"Stay." He finally said getting up regardless of the desire not to, he pressed a kiss to JInjin's forehead and made his way down the ladder. "I'll bring back food and we can kick them out for the day and just rest." He saw the look of relief on Jinjin's face and smiled as he made his way the kitchen. He wanted to be alone but being with JInjin was different. It was like he was alone just with someone else. It was weird but it was an expression he'd heard before from those that had fallen in love. Though the little bit of time to himself was nice too. He didn't need it anymore. 

When he came back with something simple and relatively mess free Jinjin was already curled around his pillow, nose pressed into it back asleep. It was cute but he woke him up anyway forcing both of them to eat before they curled up together and forgot about the world outside. Forgot about the pressure and just existed, cuddled into each other's arms. If only for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like on a serious note it's okay to want space from the people you love. It is 100% ok to need time to yourself or not need much at all. 
> 
> Have you noticed I'm trying to subtly teach you life lessons? Because that's why I write about the serious things. If there is a topic I haven't covered you want to see feel free to hollar at your girl [@shinigamibutter](https://twitter.com/shinigamibutter?s=09)
> 
> Or you know spam me with Jinjin because I won't say no.


	44. Cuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally I stress about long my hair is. Like it grows super fast and it's annoying.
> 
> I'm also really hurt right now by one of my groups losing a member. I cried. More than once. I feel kinda like running away and hiding in a corner for a bit while my CandY heart heals. TT It was even one of my three ults. Yet I'll keep chugging on and probably write something sad and melodramatic. (For Naruto)

Mj yawned as he woke up slowly, there wasn't much that was on their plate for the day. The comeback promotions were over and they'd finally gotten enough rest. Beside him Jinjin was still sleeping peacefully and he couldn't resist the urge to run his fingers through the long strands of his boyfriend's fringe. Honestly they were both in need of a trim. But it wasn't something that he was going to push for. Not on Jinjin anyway Rocky on the other hand was looking a little less like an overgrown puppy and more like a shaggy dog. And he was fairly certain it wasn't just his bias speaking. 

Mj paused for a moment with his fingers knuckle deep in his boyfriend's hair. There were no lights on in the room but even so it was bright enough through the window to see his lashes fluttering against tan cheeks. The hair was a bit long, dangling over only perfect with make-up eyebrows, there was a sleep frown worn on kissable lips, and in this moment Mj felt like Jinjin may have never looked better. It wasn't often that he had the luxury to soak in a sleeping Jinjin. More often than not they were waking up to be rushed along to where they needed to be.

Today wasn't one of those days though so he took a moment to really look at his boyfriend. Taking in the soft curl of his hair where he'd slept on it weird and it'd crumpled up in the night. It had been sticking up before he'd taken his fingers to it. There was the softness of a bare shoulder peeking out from under the blankets. There was a scab healing there from where one of their stage outfits had tried to fight him when he brushed against it. Their stylists hadn't been very happy about getting even a single drop of blood on one of the outfits. But Mj wasn't sure what they had expected putting spikes everywhere like that. Supernatural creature or no spikes were obviously going to require more care and they had Sanha and himself to worry about. 

His eyes scanned down from the shoulder to a smooth clavicle that was tempting him to run his tongue along it like it always did. But he didn't, it was rarely the time or place to do so. Now wasn't an exception either as Jinjin was still sleeping though he was now making little noise that indicated he'd be waking up soon. It was tempting to pretend he hadn't been staring and just close his own eyes to let Jinjin wake up slowly like he always did. Almost. 

Though he wasn't going to take that path this morning. It would be far from the first time he'd been caught staring in the early morning light. Yet his answer as to why tended to change if Jinjin even asked. Which he didn't usually anymore. Instead he understood it was because Mj knew he was lucky. Knew that they were lucky. 

So when brown eyes blinked up at him as he continued running his fingers through soft hair he smiled. Jinjin smiled back before sleepily pulling him closer planting a morning breath kiss on his cheek. "Good morning." And with that the moment was broken. Jinjin was still the most handsome and beautiful man in his life but he'd take it the same way he took in everything else outside of early morning hours. In stride and without the lingering observations that made his heart squeeze with how lucky he knew himself to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am taking prompts over on tumblr. You can ask on anon. But I don't mind if you don't.


	45. Just had an encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I keep seeing break up fics in the tag...and it breaks my little emotional heart. Idky because I don't have to read them, and I rarely finish them if I do read them. I am tempted to write one though. Would anyone be interested in reading it? Like if so many people, say like 10?, say they want one I'll write one.

This was not how Mj had wanted to spend the day. It was a sentiment that he knew for sure he wasn't alone in. He looked over at Eunwoo and Moonbin they were both side eyeing not only him but the contract that was in front of him. Jinjin was in the kitchen making tea for all of their nerves. Sanha and Rocky were sitting quietly across from him staring at the contract wordlessly. Mj knew it wasn't their fault it was their first time seeing it. 

"I didn't realize that you had to resign this and redraft it every six months." Moonbin finally commented as he picked up a corner of the large stack of papers before letting them flop back down loosely. "Isn't that kind of..." 

Mj shook his head because he understood where he was going with that. It was cruel in it's own way because it did force them all talk about if he and his boyfriend were to break up. In a way it was giving them a time table of how long the company expected things to last. Though it didn't need to be voiced to be known. Not from the distasteful look that each of them was giving the stack, including JInjin when he returned with tea for each of them. "It isn't ideal." Mj instead only shrugged as Jinjin squeezed in beside him, pushed up against his side just that little bit closer than he normally sat when there was plenty of space with everyone gathered around. 

"It is practical though." Jinjin's leader voice was coming out and Mj needn't look up from the line he was now reading to know everyone else had straightened up at that tone. Ever the voice of reason he went on informing them all how the company was looking at it. "Most celebrity couples don't last more than a couple of years and with our case we are together almost all of the time." Sanha was nodding as Jinjin spoke and Mj tried not to be distracted by it. "It's only natural we should discuss what we would do if it were to happen." At this point Mj felt his boyfriend's eyes on him so he nodded along. 

He wasn't really worried about breaking up on his part. There wasn't a lot that Jinjin could do at this point in time that would have him calling things quits. There was of course a long list of things he could do that would cause Jinjin to leave him he was certain of it. However it wasn't like they talked about that, no real couple did. When they had issues they talked about them when they came up, if they foresaw an issue they talked about it when they thought about it, and most of all they were open and honest with each other. Though it was now something they were being forced to talk about and not even alone.

"I don't think it's right though." Rocky spoke up for the first time since the contract had been dropped off by their manager about an hour ago. "I mean who wants to think about breaking up?" The scowl on his face said everything and Mj didn't have the heart to tell him that all celebrity couples had to think about it. If they were going to be successful, it wasn't even the first time he and Jinjin had discussed it. Though the last time had been months ago when they had too much to drink and had more to do with coming out than breaking up. 

"Being an idol is full of unfair decisions and choices though." As he said this Jinjin shrugged but Mj could feel his hand tightening it's grip on his side and found his own hand squeezing Jinjin's knee. He was right of course already as a group they'd made decisions about their careers that weren't exactly fair. "Anyway let's get to work before it gets too late and even I don't want to look at it anymore." They chuckled, it was forced but Mj strapped himself down to do this. 

In the back of his mind he knew that six months was a long time. It had been six months now. Time had flown by them in snatches of memories and more than a fistful of moments that he'd never trade even for the world. Though as he pulled Jinjin closer, their fingers brushing over a stray line of thought that hung between them he knew that six months wasn't nearly enough time. And that six more or even six more after that or after that adding an infinite amount of six months even with contracts along with, that time would never be enough.

It was also a sentiment he knew he wasn't alone in as Jinjin's head rested on his shoulder, voice low and leadery as he discussed things professionally. Their leader's fingers however were not being quite professional as they played along the waistband of his pants under his shirt. Mj knew this was just a storm they'd have to weather as long as they were signed under this company. But it was a storm of emotions they'd weather together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really I wasn't going to write this but the break up fics influenced me. I'm serious about the I'll write one if at least ten of you want one. I gave that number because while I want to push myself I'm already writing a whole bunch of stuff for myself I've started tagging them with 'this one is for me'. But you really can't tell them apart from my usual junk.
> 
> Side note I might change the month amount later.


	46. Beginning again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People really like fluff me too. So no one wanted a break up fic. Which is cool because I've got an excuse to be lazy. Win/win. 
> 
> Speaking of lazy anyone reading Roadside Loveshot I don't have author notes on there (experimenting since I was asked once) anyway it won't get regular updates. Because I'm only writing that one for me. But I can't ruin my experiment so I'll say it here and twitter.

Mj was exicted about their mini vacation, really he was. It was nice to be home and not surrounded by five other guys at all times. Well maybe not all times but often enough that a breather was much appreicated. He was just a lot less excited about it once he remembered that not only would he be going home but so would Jinjin. It wasn't for a very long peroid of time, vacations never were. They couldn't be but there was just enough time to squeeze one in and it was nice to be with his family.

Really it was. It wasn't like he had to be with his boyfriend literally everyday to feel like something wasn't missing. He'd spent longer apart from him for various reasons. And he wasn't really sure who he was trying to fool when he told himself he'd only get on the group chat after the first day. He should have told himself after the first hour because in the back of his mind he was worried Sanha was up to something. A common occurance back home, back at the dorm. But he didn't see any new chats when he checked so he forced himself to catch up with his family. 

He talked to them pretty regularly and nothing ever changed. They ate the same foods, went to the same places, enjoyed the same old things they did before he became an idol. He loved them and the home cooked food, side hugs, and the over all affection that oozed from them. Yet as he sat in his room that night, alone enough the heat that was building up within him from the picture Jinjin had sent to the chat. It wasn't even a bad picture, he was just that whipped. But he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. Instead his mind weighed on what his parents might say.

They'd gotten approval from the company, well not quite approval just a green light as long as it didn't hinder them. Acceptance from the members and their manager, the one that mattered anyway. That didn't change what they were or public opinions of what they were. They were boyfriends, and in Korea that wasn't a very well looked upon thing. Though as an idol his parents weren't going to bring up the idea of marriage or anything but they would eventually want to know he was dating. That he was at least thinking about marriage somewhere in the distant future. He was old enough now that if he hadn't debuted they would have been on him about it. 

Which might have been fine. Which might have been something he'd have been able to pursue if things hadn't turned out like they had. If instead of every image of the future he tried to conjur didn't have Jinjin by his side. They hadn't talked about it much, they weren't that serious yet. Well Jinjin wasn't that serious yet. He knew that his boyfriend was enjoying things the way they were and neither of them really wanted to look that far ahead yet. Not just now. Astro was first they were second. And even before them was military service. 

Thinking about all of this had him in a cold sweat that chased away the image of Jinjin in new clothes, surrounded by people he cared about. Mj wasn't going to push for them to come out. It wasn't exactly a good move to begin with. It was something they'd have to discuss and they'd have to be sure about before ever taking it to anyone outside the group. After all one word to the media and they might be coming out long before planned and it might ruin everything. It had for some couples as one or the other was bashed for baseless reasons. Or it drove a wedge into their privacy and didn't allow them to be a couple. 

Sighing to himself Mj tried to stop thinking about it. Thinking about it wasn't solving anything. He and Jinjin would talk about it when it came up. Or they'd bring it up when they were a little more serious on the public side of things. He turned his phone off as he drug himself down from this room to show off his new cooking skills to his mother.

When he came back to a message from Jinjin that was direct to him he smiled. It was an invitation to come home with him next time. He knew that next time was probably a pretty long ways off but still it made him smile. It meant that Jinjin had talked about him, had asked. He thought about the questions he'd fielded from his mother about if he was seeing anyone. They weren't in the position to tell anyone, and he was sure Jinjin hadn't said who but maybe like him he'd hinted. He hadn't expected he could fall asleep with a smile without Jinjin next to him, but he knew he might after texting him for hours as they traded messages.

Three days wasn't a long time but it seemed that to both of them it was too long to be apart. And that was something Mj could be thankful to the vacation for as well. Tomorrow he'd talk to his own mother about having Jinjin come as well. Or maybe all of them. He smiled looking at the group chat he'd expected to be dead but Sanha and Rocky were there trading stories about their first night home in awhile. Eunwoo was sending random emojis with Moonbin to disrupt them in the same way Sanha and Rocky had done to them the last time they went home. 

It wasn't until then had it really hit that home wasn't here anymore. Home was back at the dorm with the other five members. Home was wherever he was with Jinjin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what I was wanting to write the last two chapters but no, everyone had to go around throwing me off track. Not that we have one but I wanted to write this. 
> 
> Thoughts appreciated and encouraged. Feels like forever since I wrote this for the first time in the first chapter of this.


	47. Whoa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't believe we're three chapters from fifty. I honestly never thought I'd write this many chapters.
> 
> This is probably going to read weird? I'm a bit depressed today. I'm attempting to write it away. So there's that.

It hadn't been more than a few days, logically Mj knew that. That really didn't affect how he acted though clinging to Jinjin as soon as he saw him. Planting soft kisses on his cheek, neck, shoulder, anywhere he could reach really. They were cute, innocent I missed you pecks. The kisses that Jinjin was returning them with weren't quite the innocent kind and had Sanha giving them a look that said 'If you kiss one more time I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs and I'm loud' and Mj knew that Jinjin knew it too. It didn't stop their leader from planting on last chaste kiss on his neck leaving the skin tingling there. 

Things might have been different if it weren't for the fact the three of them had met up at a café making their manager pick them up there instead of going directly back. The game of footise under the table had been killing him too. Well not more than not being able to be close to his boyfriend, whose current condition was his fault anyway. If he'd known that phone sex turned him on so much he'd have tried it before back when Jinjin was staying with Eunwoo. Of course back then it hadn't really been an option and it was barely feasible last night. He'd made it work though because laying alone in bed at night always brought out his horny side. And he hadn't been smart enough to pack any of his photos. 

While the idea of finding new ones had been enticing, tempting even, he hadn't gotten the chance before Jinjin had called him anyway. Though his boyfriend knew they were going to be seeing each other the next day he'd claimed he couldn't live without hearing his voice so long. Which Mj had to admit was cute if not accurate. And from the sounds of the day Jinjin had been having up to that point a song from him was a likely cure. So he'd spent at least ten minutes singing despite his other interests. Which somehow slipped out and the next thing he knew they were talking about what they wanted to do when they came back. 

Which had then led him into an over the phone moaning session he hadn't quite been prepared for. If he'd thought it was hot listening to Jinjin moan via their training videos and dance moves this was on a whole new level. The way his boyfriend's hot breath sounded in his ear was almost as if he was there. And the things he was saying he wanted to do to him, the things he was admitting out loud that he wanted Mj to do in turn. Hushed whispers of things in the bedroom they hadn't really discussed were being hashed out. Thought about in depth, a heady low voice giving him the instructions for when they met next. It was almost enough to take him over the edge without any help. 

Almost being the key word as he still found himself locking the door, his back to it and enough pillows to prop him up. He knew it would look like he was watching a movie on his phone. He wasn't though instead his boxers were discarded, shoved under the pillow backing and his hand was worming it's way under a different pillow for lube. It had been a long time since he'd set up his bed this way at home or in the dorm. A long time since he'd had the need to go at it alone. Yet at the images filling his head and soft breaths in his ear he couldn't' hold back.

His fingers were soft, not like Jinjin's but he closed his eyes listening, pretending anyway. it was something he'd gotten good at anyway. On the other end of the line he could hear his boyfriend doing the same, the idea making him harder. Soon his own breath was merely pants, low moans, a few ideas slipping from his lips as his fingers slid the images across his dick. A squeeze here, a tug, the slide of slick flesh against slick flesh. It didn't take them nearly as long as he thought it would to be tumbling over the edge together. Clean up a mere trifle after having lived in this house so long. 

Yet even as they'd finally said good night, only a few hours separating them he couldn't want. Apparently neither could Jinjin now that they were together. But as it always did Astro came first and their sex life second. All of the little things they'd planned melted away as they all came together chatting, trading pictures, stories, souvenirs, and for them looks. While they weren't the heated kind that Jinjin had been giving him on the car ride over they were better. They were the eyes of love and for maybe just a minute he felt like he was at home with his family now, more so than he had been back in the place he'd grown up. Because as he'd discovered wherever Jinjin was that was home, and wherever Astro was that was where he belonged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who wants to keep up to date on my junk I usually post important updates on twitter under #fanficupdates. I'm the only one using the tag consistently. So you don't have to follow or interact if you don't want to. Though I wouldn't mind at all if you did.


	48. This is a throw away chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna write and see where it takes me. I'm pretty stressed about writing my X Clan update. I feel like at this point people expect a certain level from my writing. I don't know how I feel about that though because my standards are probably way higher than theirs but theirs freak me out.

Mj sighed to himself weary of the day already. It had been a long one. One schedule to the next a running marathon of business. Which was understandable they weren't rookies anymore, not really. Though if you asked them it was really hard not to think like they were behind scenes and whenever their new music video dropped. They wanted to do their best in everything. Which often meant not having a lot of rest inbetween. 

That was okay with them. They'd signed up for it. However Mj reminded himself with another sigh he hadn't signed up for all of this. This being the insistent nay sayers and stalkers. Both of which they'd realized they would attract as a group no matter what. Yet here they were at the end of a very long, very tiring day shifting through dorm sites. They hadn't moved in quite awhile and it was exciting to move. To be somewhere different. To hopefully score a room with just him and Jinjin. 

What wasn't exciting was the fact it was 3am and Sanha was crying. Had been crying since he found a razor blade shoved into his socks. Luckily their maknae had not touched it as it had been accidently left when one of his stalkers had broken into their dorm. She'd left a very creepy letter on his bed written in blood. Thus Mj was, on his own time, looking at places for a dorm. He knew the company was looking too. 

But as it were they were huddled into a small office room at the main branch office and expected to sleep there. Jinjin was currently dealing with the company itself while Rocky and Moonbin both calmed Sanha down. Eunwoo was beside him helping look which was the best thing they could do for their maknae. They were the hyungs and they couldn't allow for something like this to happen again. They were mad it had happened in the first place. 

They'd already tried their hand at comfort and been kicked to the wayside to begin with. But they couldn't just do nothing. They couldn't help the police track down the psycho nor could they convince the company reps that a hotel room would suit them much better. At this point Mj was sure none of them would care if there was only one bed if only to pile around Sanha. It would definitely be better than the office they were shoved into. But maybe not as safe which he understood. 

When Jinjin did return some hours later, at around five Mj was the only one awake. He'd already narrowed down a few places they could live. A few safe hotels as well. But none of that mattered when Jinjin fell into his arms, weary and just as exhausted as he was. They moved outside into the hallway to talk, their hands the only connection between them as even this early people were running about. A police officer had already been by twice according to his boyfriend. 

Mj was sure once everything was settled, the stalker arrested, charged, and never seen again they would probably be excited. Want to figure out new roommates and buy all new things. But right now it was enough to know that all of htem were safe. Nothing was taken and that the psycho was going to get charged. That there wouldn't be any 'oh we posted a blacklist' solutions or the 'we'll file charges' and nothing happens. They had made Sanha cry and Mj was willing to make them cry for that, girl or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual based on true information I've seen floating around. Though about other older groups. Not Astro. I hope this stops happening in general. Breaking and entering as well as blood notes. Talk about creepy.


	49. I lied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said last chapter was a throwaway chapter but here I am excited to write the continuation. Oh well. We're one chapter from the big 50. I'm thinking I should celebrate with cake or something but I'd be lying if I said I didn't eat cake whenever I please anyway. 
> 
> Though I'd really like if you guys, when the time comes, leave comments on that chapter to celebrate. Because I'll definitely be pretty pleased with myself about it.

Despite all the internet shopping they'd done for suitable dorm spaces Mj wasn't that surprised when they were told that none of that mattered. It wasn't like they were going to be able to pick out their dorm and he'd known that. Still when Sanha had stopped crying, and calmed down he'd also joined in on the hunt for a place. It had been fun and they were hoping at least some of their input would be valued when it came to where they would be staying. After all they were the ones that would be living there. 

It didn't. Though Jinjin did put in the good fight and Mj had made sure to love on his boyfriend plenty for the efforts, he hadn't been alone in that. Jinjin was still their voice to the company as their leader. But that didn't mean they had to listen to him either. Often times they didn't unless it was a sticking point such as their dating to begin with. The company didn't see this as a sticking point as they were the ones paying for the bills and not them, at least not yet anyway. There would be a day in the future where that wouldn't be the case and they would be fending for themselves. A day Mj was both dreading and looking forward to. 

Yet even knowing he couldn't be sure what kind of place the company had picked out he felt the excitement building up in his stomach as they approached anyway. It was always kind of exciting to move even when it required the actual moving part. Boxing everything up, carrying it, and setting it up later all the downsides to moving that really dampened the excitement most of the time. And maybe if he were moving alone he'd have let his spirits sag as he packed but not this time. Because there were five other sets of hands that would be helping him carry it and that was reason enough to be happy about not moving alone. 

"We're here." Their manager's voice had never quite sounded so apprehensive and Mj could feel the tension in the car shift as he nudged Jinjin awake. The new dorm was a good thirty minutes from the last one and somehow their short leader had managed to fall asleep on his shoulder in that time. It was cute the way disoriented eyes met his and suddenly regained focus, closing in on his own with a soft smile. A smile that slipped away when they looked out the window. 

The new building was tall, had a lot of windows, and really didn't look like it housed anything nice at all let alone a nice enough apartment for them to live in. No one said anything though as they climbed out of the vans huddling together as they scanned the street. It wasn't very busy at this early hour but there wasn't much near it either just more office buildings or apartment buildings. But it didn't look that unfamiliar and Mj had to wonder why as he resisted the urge to grab Jinjin's hand and grabbed Sanha's arm instead. The manager was talking as he led them up to the doors, there was at least a guard on duty inside who nodded at them as if they were expected. If there was more security Mj was willing to let the exterior slide. 

He almost retracted that statement taking in the look of the lobby which was shabby, so far from modern it was retro, and the unpleasant sneer from the receptionist. But he could still see Sanha crying and it wasn't a big deal anymore they weren't living in the lobby and he was sure the company wouldn't have picked a place like this for no reason. Money was an issue but so was safety. And he was sure the company at this point was prioritizing their safety for the sake of money. Though he did hear Moonbin mumbling to Eunwoo under his breath Jinjin was wearing a large forced smile. The elevator was nice though, a smooth ride through which their manager was talking but no one was paying any attention to what he was saying, himself included.

It was just reassurances that the place wasn't bad. They'd already been told about it though and it was a little bigger than their last place. With four bedrooms instead of three and according to the company a great view from their living room on the seventeenth floor of the building. It was far enough up that no one that cared would be able to pry which he found himself thankful for because he really wouldn't mind balcony dates. Or maybe just moon watching as they cuddled. Or maybe doing some other things in the moonlight or any other kind of light. The company had also told them the bathroom was larger but the rooms were smaller. It didn't really matter that much to him because he knew he'd be rooming with Jinjin anyway.

When they reached the apartment, the long elevator finally over, the hallway did look much better than the lobby. It was well lit and the colors and were muted but inviting. He felt when Jinjin's hand brushed his when they exited a quick flash of a smirk before he turned to the door the number printed on it still shiny. Mj knew he wasn't the only one that held his breath as the door opened. 

He wasn't sure who gasped, but something told him it was Moonbin who hadn't really been paying attention when they'd been told about the new dorm layout because he'd been stuffing his face. It was pretty gasp worth compared to the outside of the building the living space was large, and connected directly with the kitchen save where there was a counter that kept them separated. Meaning they could watch whoever was cooking. And about two feet from that was a small narrow hallway which he supposed the bedrooms were down. The view in the living space was indeed nice and showed the roof of the building next door filled with plants and faux grass. The small balcony was visible and clean. 

The manager was the first one to step in telling them all about the arrangements and where he would be sleeping which was the first bedroom on the left sharing a wall with the kitchen. After that he left them alone handing Jinjin a key and telling them he'd be back in about twenty minutes after he talked with the staff downstairs. As soon as the door closed Moonbin was in the kitchen, Eunwoo was outside, and Sanha was dragging Rocky down the hallway to check out the size of the bathroom. 

"Well it is nicer than I was expecting." Jinjin's voice was low and it took maybe three seconds for Mj to realize it had come from behind him but he only smiled when arms wrapped around his torso. Hair tickled the side of his face as a perfect face leaned over his shoulder to survey the area. Mj could only swallow and nod in agreement. "Should we let them pick their bedrooms first?" He only nodded again and he felt a smile being pressed into the back of his neck along with smooth lips.

"You know," He turned around catching a thin waist in his own arms staring into deep brown eyes, rubbing their noses together as he spoke. "One day it won't be us moving into a dorm with four children." He waggled his eyebrow before leaning in for a chaste kiss that had color raising on perfect cheeks. He was just about to smirk when the moment was ruined as Sanha came stomping back up the hallway exclaiming about how big the bathroom was. Rocky was right behind him being just as extra. Which meant they were caught being lovey-dovey and elicited a shrill screech from their maknae. He smiled widely ignoring him long enough to press a sweet kiss to Jinjin's forehead before grabbing his hand from his back and pulling him down the hallway. Sanha's whining was still audible over his own laughter as he pulled them into the last bedroom on the right.

"I like this one." Jinjin nodded at his choice and looked around the space that was likely exactly the same as the other bedrooms. Minus the large window. There was just enough room for two beds one on each side of the room, though they'd probably use a bunk bed anyway. Because there was no way the company would allow them to have a single bed while they lived in the dorm. Which was fine by them as they'd become accustomed to the small space offered by a twin size mattress and the way it made them press together in the night. 

It wasn't perfect but as he shoved Jinjin up against the door, their lips meeting again this time a little less chaste he smiled. It didn't need to be perfect to be home, it didn't need to be perfect as long as they were together. He didn't voice that aloud though as he instead used the time to chase after the subtle taste of mint tea that the shorter had been drinking before they came up. Sanha was still exclaiming obnoxiously loud over things as he picked out a bedroom with Rocky. Inside, where no one would ever know he was a little bit sad thinking about the day that they wouldn't be there. It would be nice just the two of them certainly but it would also be just that little bit empty. It wasn't something he could think about much longer as a hand drifted into his back pockets squeezing away all other thoughts into the singularity that he wished there was a bed there already. 

Those thoughts also didn't last as their manager made a big deal in his return and they were soon pulling away from each other and making sure they were presentable enough. A fifteen minute make-out session was definitely a good start to a new place Mj decided as they walked up the hallway hand in hand. They were already talking about where they would put things in the room and what they wanted the buy to make it easier for them to fit all their belongings in there. Eunwoo and Moonbin were doing the same while Sanha and Rocky were talking each other's ears off about maybe not using bunk beds at all. It was nice. 

The new dorm was nice. And the new page it was turning was even nicer he decided when Jinjin winked at him as they poked around the kitchen. He was already begging him to make meals and everyone else started chiming in. He pretended to ignore them as he commented on cabinet space and poked fun at Jinjin's height and how they'd need a step stool. Everyone was laughing even as he expanded on his vision of the living area and they all started chiming in. He was glad Sanha was smiling and not thinking about what had brought them here. He felt his heart squeeze just a little bit as they left making their way back to the old dorm to continue packing. It wasn't home. Home was right here with him, with them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so I really don't know how it works in the company for dorms. I mean I sincerely doubt they let them choose anything on their own anyway until they are a much older group. And while I want them to have a giant dorm with rooms for each of them I'm realistic.


	50. The big 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're here. Somehow the fic that was never supposed to see the light of day made it to my biggest milestone. Will probably, at this point, set many more. 
> 
> I sincerely thank everyone who has come this far with me! I never thought I'd reach this point but here we are. With no end in sight even. Thank you for sticking with me! ❤❤

"Park Jinwoo." It had been a long time since Mj had called his boyfriend by his name instead of his nickname. It had been even longer since he'd been given reason to. But right now he wasn't in the mood for playing around. And it seemed like Jinjin was entirely too serious too.

"It's just a pillow babe." Jinjin's voice was steady and the grip he had on said pillow a little too tight. They both knew it was more than just a pillow to them. "We already have more pillows than we even need." Mj knew he had a point but this pillow had history, had character, and was chocked full of photos of his handsome boyfriend. "I'm not asking you no throw the photos out. Just..." Jinjin side glanced the pillow and it really wasn't an unusual reaction for anyone to sigh and turn away. The pillow was not in the best shape and the image on it not the most appealing.

"But," Mj wanted to remind his boyfriend that pillow was the beginning of them in some ways. But he couldn't bring himself to say it. Jinjin wasn't wrong per say and he wasn't even asking him to throw the pillow away either. He just didn't want it on the bed anymore. "But..." He trailed off really looking at the pillow. It had seen better days he knew, days before it was shoved full of pictures and was actually used for more than storage. The colors were faded and the image not really one he liked anymore. He sighed looking around their new room. It really wouldn't go with the style they were currently using.

"We can just put it behind the clothes and buy a new pillow." Jinjin's suggestion was a little unnecessary but it wasn’t like he didn’t understand where his boyfriend was coming from. He sighed again glancing at the bed at the far side of the bedroom, which they were currently standing to the side of going through a few of their bedding items. All of them were a hodge podge of items varying from pillows they’d personally had for years that acted as decoration on their own beds to random blankets.

Mj took the pillow from Jinjin, noticing him watch him with careful eyes as he unzipped it. The photos he handled with care as he set them down on the dresser to his left near the door, there were many fond memories in those photos. Many a stolen moment, both with Jinjin involved and without. He looked at the pillow one more time and then back at his boyfriend, who was surrounded by several other of those types of memories trapped in bedding. He threw the pillow into the discard pile watching as Jinjin’s eyes widened. He was about to say something, he could just feel it. 

“I have a better idea.” Mj cut him off with a smirk glancing at their new bed. They had somehow talked the company into letting them have. It was a king size and really took up a lot of space even shoved against the wall away from the window. Not all of the space but there was maybe three feet of free space around it that wasn’t their dressers at the front and where they stood now was barely four feet. Just enough space to sleep in and change in for the most part. But they’d bought the bed themselves knowing there wouldn’t be much space beside it. The company had relented in the face of not having to provide it. 

“Better idea?” Jinjin’s raised eyebrow was joined by a soft pink tongue darting over kissable lips, the gesture more suggestive than Mj knew it was meant to be. It was hard not to think that way though when they were so close to their new bed, in their new dorm and they hadn’t broken it in yet. Mj found himself swallowing that thought this wasn’t the time. Not yet anyway.

“A better idea.” He asserted with a nod, crossing his arms looking down at their bedding. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought of this before, their original idea of we’ll just load it with blankets to make it sleepable hadn’t been very good to begin with. “We could just buy new bedding altogether. Pillows, blankets, the whole nine yards.” They had thought about it before and decided it wasn’t budget friendly, but that had been when they were getting a bunk bed. They hadn’t really discussed it after getting this bed. Which certainly hadn’t been cheap and would leave them broke for the foreseeable future, or at least the next few months.

Jinjin’s reaction was a little bit like he’d expected, taken aback and unimpressed. He knew that the first thing out of his mouth was going to be about how their budget was already shot. He wasn’t going to let him overthink it. “Not right now. We’ll make due with this right now.” He pointed to the bedding surrounding his boyfriend before looking back at him cheekily but unable to keep it up. “I meant here soon. We don’t need this,” He pointed to the old pillow that had really been at its limit for a long time. “What we need is this.” He stepped up to Jinjin cupping his cheek and pressing a chaste kiss to the side of his mouth. 

Jinjin blushed, just like Mj knew he would the blanket in the shorter’s hand falling back to the floor to instead wrap around Mj’s waist. “You’re so corny sometimes.” He might have been offended if the words hadn’t been whispered into his neck and followed by a chaste kiss. When Jinjin pulled back Mj thought the moment might be broken and they’d go back to doing what they had been. It wasn’t like they had a lot of time before everyone else ventured out of their rooms demanding food. They’d been unpacking for hours now. He was surprised and delighted when instead of pulling back the shorter allowed his hands to drift lower. One chaste kiss into his neck leading to another this one now pressed into the space below his ear, hot breath teasing him against the side of his face. He found his own arms wrapping around a small waist. “Really you’re too much.” Jinjin’s words were in his ear this time the tone lower, with a chastising quality that didn’t quite reach serious. 

“I’m too much?” Mj questioned his hands dipping into back pockets with a tight squeeze, pulling them flush together. “Don’t you think you’re the one that started it this time?” He smirked at him softly shooting his eyes towards the bed where there were already a few pillows and blankets strewn across it. He wondered how quickly he could get them there without tangling them up in the bedding on the floor. Their previous argument already forgotten to the tension building up in his body, the desire for closeness that always seemed to bubble under the surface when Jinjin was around. 

“I’m pretty sure you started it this time.” The shorter didn’t bother to hide his amusement as he maneuvered them towards the bed himself, thoughts obviously in line with Mj’s own. Soft kisses were pressed against his neck again and Mj wasn’t really sure how they’d crossed the distance without tripping even as they stripped of their clothes. It was probably a byproduct of conditioning considering they often worked around their previous roommate’s messes. It didn’t matter that much when they’d made it, lube being procured and a few condoms set aside. 

There was something different about this time, Mj could feel it in the heat between them. Maybe it was the knowledge the room was new, the bed different, bigger, and theirs. All theirs. Looking up at Jinjin from underneath him their eyes locked while their hands were otherwise occupied. Jinjin’s trapping him between them while his own locked in soft hair pulling his boyfriend closer, their bodies barely touching. Save their hands and the shorter’s knee pressed between his thighs it was moments like these that he felt almost as close as when they were joined. The feelings they shared thick in the air. Making each touch feel like a soft caress of emotion meeting in the middle connecting them. 

It almost felt like the first time as Jinjin leaned down to kiss him, lips soft and hard at the same time. Tongues dancing together slowly as his hands began a descent on the flesh, tracing every inch they came across. Eyes still locked, unable to look away from the emotions and expressions drawn out by each touch. The only noise in the room the soft noises of pleasure as they took the time they knew they didn’t have. 

It wasn’t quite like the first time though as Mj rolled them over taking charge as he ran his own hands over the body beneath him. The faces Jinjin was making were making his cock even harder against the thigh still nestled between his own. Movements slow and deliberate as he took them as close to the edge as he could while barely moving. Slow caresses, soft kisses, licks and nips aplenty as he worked the shorter over until he was begging, until he himself was begging inside for release. Then it was a push and pull, give and take, temperatures raising as they came together. 

Then they were separating, reconnecting, keeping it going as they used all the condoms they’d set out tuning out the outside world. The world for them narrowed down to where one body began and the next started, so hard to tell in the moment. Unneeded knowledge until they parted, panting and exhausted bodies still tingling from chasing the thrill. 

Also unlike the first time they smiled at each other before getting up and getting back around. There were still plenty of things to do and while a post bliss cuddle and nap sounded great it wasn’t plausible. They could already hear Sanha whining while their manager talked Eunwoo out of a lecture. It was with an eyeroll and determination that Mj stepped into the kitchen without a word as he began cooking alongside Moonbin who only spared him a glance. Any lectures would wait until after they'd eaten he was sure. And there were bound to be more ground rules than there had been. Despite the fact he knew they weren't loud, this time. They were worth it though for the way Jinjin smiled at him indulgingly from across the counter as he took the blame and the scolding. 

It only lasted for a moment but in that moment Mj felt like this was okay. It wasn't all theirs, like their room, but that was for now okay too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well now that I'm here I don't feel like stopping. But I'm def gonna celebrate! *cheers* To the big 50! ❤


	51. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much stress going on in my real life it's hard to write. Who ever said friendships are easy? *sigh*
> 
> Still doesn't stress me out like money does. True Taurus here.

Mj scoffed at the new list of ground rules that had found it's way to their fridge. It was really just a piece of scrap paper with some rules scribbled onto it in the middle of the day. They weren't even that legible, but they were legible. And all of them had been discussed before ever meeting paper. Though honestly he hadn't thought they'd take the time involved to write them out. That was more a Jinjin thing. It wasn't Jinjin's writing though but their managers. 

He supposed it only made sense as he worked his own piece of fridge edition, a pad for his own growing ingredient list, next to it. The ground rules had only made their way on there a day or so ago after Sanha had broken one. He stuck another magnet to the bottom of the paper so it would stop blowing when anyone so much as looked at it. It was a reasonable list for the most part. Rules that applied to all of them, save the one he'd scoffed at. 

It was highlighted, starred, and underlined and written largest. It read 'there will be no sex when the manager is home'. Which would have made it a dead giveaway who had taken the effort if the writing hadn't already done so. Of course the other members had added themselves to it as well. It was actually the only rule Mj and Jinjin had, and would consistently break. 

Not that they'd been caught again after that first time. It was nice sharing a room alone. Not only for the sex that was a lot more consistent and the privacy that they wanted afterward. But also because it gave them a place to get away. They both loved the other members dearly but sometimes being the eldest was hard. And before where Sanha would just open his mouth to ask when they shared a room, be they were half asleep or just busy on their phone, he had to knock. 

It wasn't much difference as Sanha knocked and came right in most of the time anyway. Lucky he hadn't caught any eye full because of locks. But there was a difference because there was a lock, even if they only used it when they were having sex. There was a peace of mind in just knowing it existed.

Mj scoffed at the list of rules one more time as he caught his list from slipping. Sticking a magnet underneath to hold it up better. He knew this list was like their new lock. Peace of mind for their manager. It was what made it bearable. Even if they weren't going to follow the only rule that was written about them he respected it. The same way he respected the locks on the member's doors that they didn't use.

He knew after all that some rules were made just to make the person who wrote them feel better. Like locks were added to every door in case you wanted to use them. When he left the kitchen he saw Sanha breaking the same rule again and rolled his eyes before he opened his mouth to reprimand him. Some rules though weren't made to be broken. And having Sanha on the balcony placing dishes on the small ledge was a rule no one wanted to see broken, because that's how you got broken dishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh I feel a bit better after writing. Now if only I'd update the things I tell myself I will.


	52. Myungsoon makes me weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all. Seriously I'm weak. 
> 
> I'm also in a super, super bad mood. So I'm going to write it out. Hopefully.

Mj knew he was over reacting. What Rocky had done had been harmless, barely annoying on a normal day. Today however had been bad enough already that it just proved to be the icing on the cake of everything that had happened so far. Which was waking up to find Jinjin had already left for his personal schedule without waking him, even though he knew it would go down that way. Next there wasn't time to eat anything because he'd slept through three of his alarms due to a strange dream that wasn't quite a nightmare but not quite not one either. Which was why he was upset Jinjin had already left even when he knew. 

Then there had been the morning schedule so jam packed that even when Jinjin arrived, lovey and sweet, there hadn't been time to soak any of it up. Instead they'd gone for drinks and even that didn't go to plan. His order was done wrong not once but twice and when he finally got it, after much explaining and complaining, Rocky had spilled it. Before Mj had even gotten more than a sip. 

Which had him huffing and mumbling under his breath as he cleaned it up. By this time Jinjin was already at it with his soothing magical talents of making him feel better. But Rocky had already skittered off to Sanha who he'd also snapped at earlier for a prank that he hadn't found funny today. And he knew he'd overreacted then too. But he'd been so moody he hadn't found it within himself to apologize yet. And he would, later. When everything felt like it was okay again and he didn't want to spend the rest of the day hidden in his boyfriend's arms. 

He didn't, couldn't, and instead went about the day a little more quietly and less moody after a few quick kisses. He didn't feel much better but Eunwoo assured him they weren't mad and Jinjin only smiled along with Rocky saying everyone has bad days. Sanha for his part didn't prank him and tried to make him smile just a little more. 

When Mj did finally apologize they all told him it was normal. That no one had good days everyday. And as he cooked dinner, the stress rolling off his shoulders at the thought of sleep, he made everything they liked as another apology and mentally thanked them for being there with him. He knew it wasn't always easy, it wasn't always easy when they were the moody ones but it was worth it. And he supposed that's what mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for putting up with my moody ass.


	53. Amazingly I'm still here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I attempted a fic where I did short updates daily. Unsurprisingly I lasted 5 days. Less than I wanted but that's how many chapters I told myself it would be. Where am I going with this? I figured out how this will end. It's just a matter of when.

Mj sighed they'd just finished a recording and he'd been yelled at for his vocals more than once. It really wasn't abnormal or anything. They were all perfectionists after all. Still sometimes it got to him. The way he saw the praises rolling off tongues for their maknae who was steadily improving. Jinjin told him he was too, they all were the more concerts and tours they did. It was hard to feel like it though. 

It was hard to feel like he wasn't being left behind in some ways. Even though they were constantly reminding him that he's the main vocal he couldn't help wondering if one day he'd just be lead. And he'd let everyone down by doing so. Of course he didn't hold it against anyone. Sanha was young and had an alarming amount of potential. And he was proud of him like he'd be proud of a little brother. He looked forward to seeing how far he could go, with Astro and beyond.

Yet it didn't stop him from worrying about his position in the group. And no matter what Jinjin told him when he voiced it aloud he still worried. It wasn't that he needed a validation, not really. He believed in Aroha and he knew that he was valued in the group. And maybe it wasn't really that he worried about Sanha surpassing him. He sighed again pushing the thoughts away forcing a smile on his face. There were still schedules to attend to and Jinjin was giving that look. Not the boyfriend 'I'm worried' look or the 'bedroom now' look or even the 'cheer up I love you anyway' look, but the 'fake it for the fans' look that was leader Jinjin speaking. 

So he did. Wrapping his arm around the maknae who he realized he wasn't upset with. Snuggling into his arm even though it made the younger cringe just a little. But he let him, smiling down at him when he realized his hyung was seeking comfort. They'd likely all heard the yelling even though there had been two different recording rooms used to expedite the process. Not to mention the show they'd also recorded in the building though it had been for a minor radio station that their company had just started up.

"Mj hyung," Sanha started and Mj looked into his eyes curiously. "I love your voice." There was red on his cheeks and Mj felt his chest puff up just a little at the whispered confession. They were both still smiling at the Aroha they passed on their way out of the building and towards the vans. "I mean it." Sanha insisted as they shuffled through the crowd in pairs now to keep together as they waded through the Aroha and other fans that were gathered. They were only a hop skip from the vans now, not that their next schedule was far. "I want to be like you one day, confident enough with my voice to love it like you love yours."

Mj felt his own cheeks heat up and he smiled more genuinely than he had been as they reached the vans. Jinjin and Moonbin were getting in before them. "I love your voice too Sanha. Don't worry you'll get there." He winked at the maknae before getting in the van, settling in against his boyfriend who was now giving him the 'you worry too much' look. He felt better though and he realized that maybe it wasn't Aroha or Sanha he was worried about after all. That maybe he was really just worried about letting himself down. And he needed to do as Sanha said and continue to love his own voice like he always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly wonder if this is something that Mj worries about. Esp with all the Sanha fansites and what not. Maknae lines are usually pretty popular to begin with. Though most of my bias are hyungline. I still wonder though. I'm in love with all their voices tbh.


	54. In for a penny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty stressed lately. I barely feel like writing the projects I'm working on. Probably because I already know where all of them are going.

Mj wasn't sure what had brought him to being awake at an ungodly hour sprawled out on their living room floor. Jinjin was snuggled in bed snoring away he was sure, or maybe missing him in his sleep. He hoped not but here he was anyway. Eunwoo was with him, barely awake but still talking. And he was doing his best to listen without drifting off himself because it was important to listen. 

He hadn't taken himself as Euwnoo's first choice of someone to confide in. But the younger had pulled him aside and asked him to talk with him a bit. Granted that had been hours ago and Mj had been surprised then. Now he was just fighting back sleep to keep listening. Though from the sound of his voice Eunwoo was fighting back sleep to keep talking. He was rambling now about the worries he had from his private schedules. 

Mj wondered if maybe Eunwoo had come to him instead of Moonbin because he'd had more private schedules of his own. And instead of Jinjin because he didn't want to worry their leader more than he already did. Mj knew it was a burden, the lack of time, the extra work, the work itself, and the strain it put on him. He'd experienced those feelings himself before. Of course he didn't have nearly as many solo schedules as Eunwoo did but he had more than the others. 

It was nice though listening to the younger, helping him through his issues. It made him feel closer, closer than the distance between them as they laid in separate spots around the room. Their feelings connected where their bodies didn't. Mj voiced his thoughts aloud only for Eunwoo to giggle at him and his weird thought. Yet he agreed with a lopsided smile and the conversation drifted to how close they had all become through the years. 

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, or Eunwoo for that matter but he woke up to Jinjin's smile regardless. The leader nudging him with his barefoot to his shoulder though his boyfriend was smiling at him, exasperated. Which Mj really supposed he couldn’t blame him as he’d fallen asleep on the living room floor. Though he smiled up at him anyway reaching his arms out for him, he’d missed snuggling in his sleep. He’d missed it a lot. Jinjin though just rolled his eyes and pulled him up by one of his outstretched hands, stealing a kiss as he did so. 

Sanha was already poking Eunwoo awake. Though they were two seconds from bickering over it Mj already knew because Sanha just wanted the couch and Eunwoo wasn’t far from Moonbin in the mornings in wanting food. Mj sighed into Jinjin’s side the shorter mumbling about food too. He knew staying up late was going to cost him but he still managed his way into the kitchen smirking at his boyfriend. A mumbled ‘I’d rather have you for breakfast’ that earned him a blush and a smack to the arm before he was let loose near the stove to help Moonbin. 

He thought about the conversation he’d had with Eunwoo last night. The concerns that all boiled down to the family they’d become. He found himself smiling as he cooked, despite the weird looks Moonbin kept giving him for his off key humming. Jinjin was smiling at him looply and Rocky was complaining about how lovestruck their leader looked. It only made Mj hum louder, that and to drown out the bickering of Sanha and Eunwoo. They were now fighting over their only game system since they had the day free for the most part. He found himself winking back at Jinjin before flipping some eggs rather fancily. 

It felt good to be hyung he decided as he poked Moonbin’s side and teased Rocky. Jinjin only laughed at his antics and he called the other two to the table for food. It was nice, to be in charge. At least sometimes but he wasn’t unhappy with Jinjin as their leader. Being in charge was a burden he didn’t really want just the like the burden of being the face of their group for the public. He pushed those thoughts aside though and focused on the task at hand. He would do all he could for his other members, be it staying up unreasonable hours or listening to all their worries. It was the least he could do as hyung. 


	55. In for a pound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so like I've not so secertly been in love with domestic fluff since the beginning of time. Enjoy it with me? Well with a heavy dash of smut on the side...

For once everything was running smoothly, so smoothly Mj wondered how they'd scored an extra day off to do nothing. He wasn't going to question it because he knew the moment he did they'd lose it. And he wasn't about to take any chances. Not with this. It had been ages since he and Jinjin had been able to just relax in bed, not moving for hours. Well, he admitted to himself that wasn't true they just rarely did nothing in bed. Even last night they'd spent most of it making love or just fooling around. 

Looking over at Jinjin's face, softly highlighted by the lamp that Mj had turned on to find his phone, he smiled. His phone was actually all the way across the room with his pants, he wasn't about to go fetch it. The clock on the bedside table already told him all he needed to know about what time it was anyway. Everything else wasn't important right now. Not more important than staring at his boyfriend at least. Because there were no schedules and Jinjin wasn't going to wake up for several hours to begin with. He hadn't meant to be awake either. 

It was only eight in the morning and if there were no schedules he'd much rather sleep in. At least for a little while, until the other members came begging him to make food. He sometimes wondered if learning to cook was more of a burden now than it had been before. He didn't mind though most of the time. Today though he didn't want to move, which he told himself had nothing to do with being sore from last night. It wasn't like he believed himself. There were parts of his body aching that normally didn't, they hadn't been gentle. He noted the small red mark on Jinjin's shoulder reaching out to touch it lightly. 

They usually tried not to leave any marks, the stylists hated it when they had to work around a hickey more than when they had to work around an injury. One could have easily been avoided while the other was par for the course in the industry. Last night though they'd let loose a little more than intended. Had probably been too loud as well if the pounding on their door he slightly recalled was any indication. Though it might have been one of them asking about dinner. They hadn't answered, Mj had taken Jinjin out on a date anyway since they had ended early the other day. After that they'd spent the rest of the time since coming home getting to know each other inside and out again. 

"Myungjun..." His name was barely a whisper as soft lids fluttered open and beautiful eyes peered up at him. Jinjin wasn't quite awake but his cold fingers caressing his skin must have stirred him. Mj smiled though it wasn't often they used their names outside the bedroom or really at all. Their stage names now a part of their everyday life. They'd taken some getting used to but it had happened.

"It's early go back to sleep." He whispered back not stopping the actions of his fingers. Without looking Mj knew these weren't the only marks, there were several on himself as well he was sure. He'd glanced down at himself and seen at least one on his chest while looking for his phone. Even as he said this he heard his own phone go off and found himself being drawn from the bed to retrieve it. Jinjin's eyes following him appreciatively as he did so. "Really babe you don't have to be up yet." 

"Neither do you." Mj found his cheeks red at the tone of his boyfriend's voice, still deep with sleep. And extremely sexy. Though the shorter did nothing about it instead shifting to sit up and glance at the time inquisitively only to groan at the numbers blinking back at him. “What are you even awake for?” Was the expected question and Mj giggled a second before looking back from his boyfriend to the text on his phone. “And who's texting you so early?” 

”It’s Eunwoo said he took the boys to breakfast, figured we’d like a little alone time. Isn’t that sweet of him?” Mj smirked seeing the now exposed chest of his boyfriend, there were a few red marks, tiny but visible staring back at him. He felt something in him swell up knowing they marked the man in the bed as his. It also stirred up blood in other places he wasn’t quite awake enough to deal with yet, but he paid it no mind. They didn’t have that kind of time to begin with and after last night he knew neither of them were looking to push it. Well he thought they might not push it. 

”That is.” Jinjin’s slow nod was followed by him throwing off the blankets with a yawn. More awake than Mj had seen him at this hour, than any of them had seen him without schedules. “We need a shower.” Was the unexpected sentence that followed a quick sweep of the room where their clothes were strewn about. Mj only nodded because it was true but he found himself licking his lips at the idea of being able to roam the house naked. Which is what they ended up doing.

Sprinting to the bathroom carrying clean clothes and teasing each other along the way. Mj wasn’t sure what he’d expected but the moment the water was on so was Jinjin. His lips pressed into his and their bodies so close water was catching between them. Hands that knew every inch of his body pulling at him, trying to get even closer. A feeling he found mutual as he drug his hands down familiar skin, heated beneath the water and his caress.

Jinjin was putty in his hands as he pushed him up against the wall, out of the stream of water. His fingers exploring a place only he knew as he lifted one of the shorter’s legs. There wasn’t much work to do with the exercise they’d had last night. And it didn’t take them long to find a rhythm, the small bathroom filling with moans they weren’t usually able to make. The marks on Jinjin’s broad shoulders multiplying as he thrust in and out, sloppy kisses wet and sincere. 

”Jinwoo,” Mj found his own voice was hoarse and maybe just a little bit strained as he felt his climax coming. Much quicker than usual but his boyfriend didn’t seem to mind, head thrown back against the wall and his hand digging into lean shoulders. “Jinwoo.” It was all Mj could even think let alone say as the walls around his cock squeezed away all his other thoughts. A heat building in his stomach the faster he went. His own name echoed back at him though as strong hips thrust back into his own, the rhythm breaking all too quickly. Turning into a frenzy of trying to find purchase and sanity. Then it was washing away in white down the drain. 

It left them panting for a moment before languid kisses were exchanged and they were washing themselves with cold water. Mj couldn’t bring himself to mind much even as he rushed to dry off laughing as he stole Jinjin’s towel. It was amusing to watch him dance for it, then tip-toe into him, a light bite on his neck rendering the towel to the floor. And Mj had to wonder where his boyfriend got his stamina as he found himself pushed up against the sink. The kisses that followed weren’t sloppy but concise and made his knees weak. So weak he was easily bent over the counter. 

It felt better than the night before, where the alcohol had them going wild the morning had them slow and leisurely. It hurt in a good way when the first finger probed inside him, checking. Though they both knew it wasn’t necessary just as it hadn’t been for Jinjin. But it was nice, his boyfriend draped over him. Soft lips tracing the pattern of marks on his back as he watched in the mirror. Then he wasn’t able to look up anymore. A hard cock pressing into him. Claiming him in the same way teeth did as they sank into his skin, suppressing a moan as they heard the door open. The voice told them it was their manager who left as quickly as he’d come in, the conversation he’d been having on the phone fading into the distance. 

It was followed by a hard thrust from Jinjin upwards that made him scream, the heat inside him building for release again as he kept his hips still. Allowing the shorter to have control, fingers digging into his hips as he thrust in and out, in and out, pulling him back and forth as he did so. Mj only found it more maddening as he held onto the sink the package of condoms beside his hand. When he came again this time it was into a tissue and it took longer for him to catch his breath even when Jinjin snuggled up to him while standing. 

Jinjin was still snuggled up to him as they made their way to the kitchen, fully clothed and sated. The shorter asking him to make their favorites as they settled into a routine that had formed between them. It wasn’t often that his boyfriend helped him cook but even so Jinjin had still formed a habit of doing things a certain way. A way had him constantly touching Mj as much as possible while handing him what he needed or leaning over him when he could. It was endearing. Though Mj would never admit it aloud if asked by anyone other than the culprit himself. 

Smiling over the food they’d prepared together he wondered if this was what it would be like after. After Astro, after the military, and after they settled into lives that had nothing to do with being idols. If they ever did. It wasn’t a thought he could put a voice to though so instead he pondered about the others aloud. Jinjin seemed to pick up on it anyway and reached for his hand smiling. Even so his boyfriend let it slide and they took turns guessing why they weren’t back yet. In the back of his mind Mj wondered if it was because their anniversary was coming up again. It wasn’t a big one not really, they’d been together eleven months now. 

Which meant they’d be resigning their contract to date. An issue they hadn’t even discussed in more than passing. A brief reminder that it was coming and a slow smile as they’d linked hands under the table at the office. There wasn’t a question of if they were going to sign it. Only a matter of when they’d stop making them because Mj knew nothing was going to change about his feelings. He couldn’t even look at anyone else anymore. And just the other day without prompting or asking Jinjin had told him the same over dinner. Granted there’d been a few drinks involved and a night of wild sex that was followed by morning sex. And now breakfast. It was fine though. 

Mj didn’t need to ask to know that after, during, before, or whenever their hearts were connected. Smiling at the most beautiful man he’d ever met he pushed those thoughts aside though and commented on the weather. The fingers of his hand entwining with Jinjin’s. It was nice to just be in the time they had together. There certainly wasn’t enough of it to waste on questions that they already knew the answer to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I read Vonseal's Cross it off the list? Or whatever the title was again. Yes. Was this heavily inspired by it? No...will you believe me probably not. But that's cool too.


	56. I'm still around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this when I was pissed at my roommate. But I made up with her. It's a bit pointless but I like the look at their dynamics.
> 
> Merry Christmas everyone. 
> 
> I'll work on my other junk later. I have a Myungjin smut in the back of my head that won't leave me alone.

There were certain questions Mj was getting tired of and quickly. They'd had another comeback less than a week ago and every single interview had asked about their new dorm. They'd moved awhile ago but Sanha had blabbed their rooming arrangements. Though thankfully they weren't asking when they'd do a dorm tour. Which they wouldn't as it was part of the contract they had renegotiated in the dorm move and their bed purchase. Because that would really take some explaining. 

They however kept asking about the arrangements and why they switched it up. Like there was definitely something wrong with them that they had no complaints. Which was for the most part true. Living in a dorm wasn't easy all the time but they definitely made the best of it. Though he was wiling to admit it was nice to have more space, it was also nice not having as much. He didn't require much honestly. 

Yet every interview kept poking at it. Asking what was nice about their current rooming situation and what wasn't before. He usually stuck with not having to listen to Sanha sleep talk and being woken up last. Sanha stuck with not having to deal with no room and since he was with Rocky his roommate was quiet. While Rocky had only half hearted complainants. But none of their answers deterred the questions.

And it was getting on his nerves. Not because he didn't understand their fans were curious but because no matter how many times they asked he couldn't give them the real answer. They'd switched dorms because they had to. Because a fan had been crazy. Not because there was a problem between them. Yet that's how it made everything sound when they kept asking, poking, looking for a reason they weren't wanting to admit to.

Granted Mj knew there was a reason for their room assignments and why they'd split up like they had. It was only practical really. Moonbin was easily awoken by Eunwoo. Sanha was a loud person and Rocky being Rocky was able to handle it and sleep through some of the younger's nonsense. Then there was himself and Jinjin. Their arrangement didn't have a practical reason, not really. Other than having privacy and being able to have sex when they wanted. Which of course made everyone poke at it more. Asking if it wouldn't have been better for Sanha and Jinjin to room together. Or for himself and Sanha to room together. Which even without dating Mj knew it wouldn't. The youngest would drive the second eldest crazy, and if he roomed with Sanha they'd drive everyone else crazy together. 

Which really left him wondering why they were still asking and when they'd stop. Because there were only so many times he could answer without wanting to blurt out the real reason. Which really wouldn't do any more good than Jinjin's quiet reassurance that they'd stop asking eventually. Because even though he knew and believed their leader, it didn't stop the annoyance. It didn't stop him from wanting to tell everyone that he was rooming with his boyfriend because he loved him more with each passing day. But he knew he could never say it. So he kept coming up with more plausible reasons that rooming with Sanha might kill him. It was probably more believable that way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Junk I know. But something to think about I guess. Because not everything is all shipper glasses in Shini's head.


	57. A new year a new you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still 2017 as I'm writing this. At least on my side of the globe. But a happy 2018 to everyone! I hope you improve the way you want to this new year. I'll keep trying my best too! ~Fighting!

Mj sighed looking at the new piece he'd started, or more accurately tried to start. He'd drawn a few lines between schedules and naps. Maybe a few more while he'd been watching the member's antics and Jinjin's exasperated face before joining in on them himself. He'd started the piece with a purpose. An important purpose of gifting it to Jinjin for their year anniversary. Which was now a few days away and with their promotions finally dwindling down they might be able to spend some of it together alone. Or maybe not if the upcoming schedules were correct. He wanted to at least finish this. 

The problem was despite having worked on it continually and added bits here and there he no longer remembered where he was going with it. The idea had left him high and dry, without an inspiration to fall back on. When he looked at it now it just looked like a bunch of disconnected pieces that were meant to make a whole. He sighed again staring at the equally uninspiring blank paper he'd brought out to start anew. There wasn't anything he could think of to paint, draw, or even say. He wanted to express the way Jinjin made him feel with a little more than kisses pressed against his forehead, smiles he couldn't contain, or the three little words he couldn't stop saying. 

A year, as Rocky pointed out when he caught him, wasn't a really long time to date someone. And Mj felt like maybe before dating Jinjin he would have disagreed. That a year is a long time and there were so many memories squished into a tiny space of time that it felt like a lifetime, dating or not. Now though staring at the blank paper and lines that were meant to go somewhere he found himself agreeing. Now he realized a year really wasn't long enough. Not nearly. And as he thought about the memories that lead up to this point he realized maybe there would never be a point that felt long enough. 

As he picked up his pencil, suddenly able to see the image again, he smiled and began working. In some ways it felt like they'd debuted yesterday and in that same regard it felt like he'd had his first kiss with Jinjin moments ago. There was a taunt feeling in his chest as he allowed his thoughts to linger there. The first feel of Jinjin's lips against his, the very first smile they'd shared long, long before that. A year wasn't a long time looking back, and it certainly wasn't long enough. 

Mj smiled to himself as he worked thoughts drifting through all the dates they'd had, all the kisses, all the minor fights, the sex, and the I love you's each just as precious as the last. Yet a year in review wasn't enough so he found himself planning out the next year. Each thing they hadn't done yet. Each thing he wanted to do, allowing himself the freedom to think of where they were headed. Even though the others drifted by as well, begging for food, watching over his shoulder, and being over all pests. Save the one time Jinjin came over, kissed his temple and apologized for peeking he told them all to go away. He wasn't about to let his inspiration slip away from him this time. Not while he had time to pursue it. 

Smiling with a stretch Mj glanced at the time with a start. His stomach was growling and it was a lot later than when he'd first sat down. The piece he'd started had more than doubled in size, moving onto a poster board he'd fetched at some point or another. He smiled at it though. It was completed and while he wasn't sure where his boyfriend was going to put it he knew he was going to love it. Or he'd better because Mj knew he'd spent hours upon hours on it from the way his stomach knotted at the idea of food. If the time blinking back at him from the stove was anything to go by he'd spent way longer than intended. 

When he slipped into bed Jinjin was already asleep, angelic face highlighted by the nightlight they had. When he had plugged it in he'd said it was because there was no light at night. Really he'd done it for moments like this. So he could admire Jinjin's sleeping face, that and make sure he really didn't run into anything in the cluttered space. With there being no cameras to worry about and only the two of them they'd really taken to owning their space. Mj found himself staring at the small shrine of fan gifts they'd built in their bedroom over the year so far. He was pulled away from his thoughts of the year by warm arms wrapping around him, hair tickling him as a face nuzzled into his chest. He could tell his boyfriend wasn't actually awake from his soft breathing. 

Settling into the cuddles Mj sighed softly to himself. A year was a long time to enjoy someone's company. He knew from all the memories he'd gone through, picking out the ones that he knew held as special a place in his boyfriend's heart as they did in his. As he pressed a kiss to Jinjin's forehead, squeezing his waist he also realized that just a year would never be enough. That he wanted to stay just like this with Jinjin, with Astro for as long as he could. Maybe forever. Even if theoretically that was a really, really long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh the end? That's it, that's all. Like whoa. I wrote that last line and I realized this is the end of the line. There's no more. I had more but the story doesn't want to go there. So this is the end. 
> 
> The fact this is this many chapters...I'm still in shock. I'm in shock this ended.
> 
> Thank you everyone for taking this journey with me. I'll probably start another destress down the line. I'm deeply touched that you loved this.

**Author's Note:**

> I love feed back even if I don't really care how I write on this piece per say. But any thoughts you have I'll hear them. <3


End file.
